Going through a tough time, I need some advice.

[shyguy7]

Hi to all my fellow forumers. It's really nice to be part of GS and I hope there will be many more posts to come[emoji4]

Im going through a very tough time at the moment and this post is probably going to be very long winded but please bear with me. I identify myself as being a gay man but I'm really struggling with the issue of self acceptance. My family accepts me and loves me for who I am but im really struggling with my sexuality. This has lead to severe depression and social anxiety for which im on a cocktail of medications, all of which don't seem to be working. I'm also seeing a psychiatrist and a phycologist at the moment who suggested that I reach out to the gay community which is why I'm here. My life, hopes and dreams have pretty much come to a standstill at the moment and a couple of months ago I was on the verge of suicide.

The question now is, how did you guys come to accept yourselves? By the way im 24 and live in a really conservative city with no gay facilities to speak of.

I can't wait to hear from you all

[East]

Hi...welcome to GS....

I am going to approach this from left field with a few questions...

The questions....

......do you have a problem accepting other gay people? What do you think about other gay people in general? Do you think they are wasting their lives? Do you think they are sick?...or sinners?

Be honest with yourself and take your time answering. Your answers will help unlock a few things....

[shyguy7]

Hi east. Thanks for the reply. I really don't have a problem with gay people (including myself) and im not religious at all. I would love to be in a relationship with a man one day. But for some reason at this stage I just can't bring myself to do it...

[East]

Hi east. Thanks for the reply. I really don't have a problem with gay people (including myself) and im not religious at all. I would love to be in a relationship with a man one day. But for some reason at this stage I just can't bring myself to do it...

Well...if you don't have a problem with gay people or yourself...isn't that a bit contradictory to what you initially posted?

I had hoped you would dig a bit deeper because when you put such a serious question on the table and ask for help I think it requires a bit more depth and honesty....

For instance...you said you have no problem with gay people including yourself yet you also say you have such a huge problem accepting your sexuality that you consider suicide and are on medication. This would indicate you DO have a problem with gay people..including yourself. Figuring out what that may be is a great start to unlocking the door

Do you see where I am going with this?

I asked you questions specifically about other people to get you out of your head and maybe see things from another angle....

[shyguy7]

You're right east, what I said is a bit contradictory. Some deep thought and self examination is needed...

[Maverick]

"My family accepts me and loves me for who I am..."

The above statement is a big one! You need to grab onto that and hang on. Many guys who come to realize they are gay do NOT have that kind of support, so you're lucky in that respect. As far as accepting yourself, I won't sugar coat it, it can be a long journey. But I think one of the biggest things is knowing that you are NOT alone in your struggles in this; and today society has come a long way in accepting the LGBT society. There still is a long way to go, but its so much better than it was in earlier years. So just know you have a promising future ahead of you and accept the fact that it will take time for all the pieces to fall into place.

[MikeW]

Welcome to the forum shy guy.

It took me several year of therapy before I realized that my depression wasn't based solely around my sexuality. Under the depression was a lot of anger about a lot of things, my sexual frustrations were only one of the things I had 'mixed' feelings about.

As Maverick said, it can take a long time to accept one's self. So far you haven't shared enough with us for us to be of much help. But apparently you're living up to your name -- shy. So maybe the way to begin is just participate in the forums. Not all the threads are about problems. Some are about fun things or just life in general. Just hang out with us, feel free to participate in some of the other threads. What do you think about things? Or, if you can, tell us what you'd most like to have happen here. How can we help?

[Virge]

I'm in a relationship with a psychologist which is hard for me too believe. I'm about the craziest freak on earth. He and I do agree on some things and preach them about mental health. He does it with all his big words and I spread the word the way i stumbled up on the same things.

Exercise and activity are the biggest influences on depression and dark thoughts. Everyone's body is equipped with an unlimited supply of natural hormones that are more powerful at fighting depression than any drugs made by the big companies. Have you ever heard of a "runner's high"??? It's not a joke. Just about everyone in GSpeak has heard me rant about getting up at 4am to RUN (not jog) with my dogs. I do that at least twice a day. Interacting with my 2 dogs, 2 cats, straight room mate/best friend and all sorts of other people everyday keeps me in great moods. I look for things to keep me busy, using my brain for positive and productive things, always trying to solve problems and NEVER letting my brain sit back and dig itself a hole to sink down into and think the same depressing thoughts over and over. The best way to fight depression is to get up and FIGHT IT.

Also --- get away from people who are depressing or don't let them control the mood. I don't sit around talking about my problems and if someone comes to visit me and talk about theirs they're going to have to do it while we get out and walk, run, play with the dogs, go horseback riding, play board games, cards, or do anything else that creates fun and laughter.

I know this doesn't work for all people. But if you spend most of your time alone, not interacting with others and not getting exercise then you're keeping yourself in a situation that would depress anyone. The busier and more active you stay the more satisfaction you feel with life and the less time your brain has to dig a deep dark hole.

This is not just advice. It's a way of life for me. If I were to sit back and do nothing but let my brain dig holes I'd be the most depressed person on earth AGAIN. I fight PTSD on an hourly basis thanks to war experiences. I have a mangled right hand from war. I've got an incurable disease that I fight 24 hours a day... but I don't let those things weigh me down. I stay too busy doing good things, great things and having fun with people to take time to be depressed.

As far as ME accepting myself for giving acceptance to myself --- I didn't until I was 20. My family all accepted me before I was 16 and gave me emotional space and time to work out the details on my own. To show you how well they accepted me --- my brother came home for spring break when I was 14 and took me back to campus with him for a few weeks during the summer. The reason he did that was to get me around gay people for the first time in my life. I enjoyed them but I still wasn't ready to make the big step and accept myself as being gay. I was hard headed about it. When I finally got around to admitting first to myself and then to my family they were like, "oh, okay... you sound like you have a cold." It was no big deal. Pretty anti-climatic.

But don't sit back and dwell on it and try to push yourself into making a decision to admit something to yourself that you're not ready for. That's depressing for sure. It's like sitting back worrying about whether to have your left or right leg amputated. STOP IT. get out and live your life and seek to enjoy it.

[Keith]

It`s just who I am and i can not change it. In my world, men are charming. That`s natural to me. really being homosexual is not that different from other kinds of love. It`s just love.

[Maverick]

Great advice memechose...