Daddy Issues....

[Anonymous]

Hey guys. I'm just going to start out by saying why I decided to make this anonymously. I feel that when I tell this story to people I get people feeling bad for me and having pitty towards me. I don't want that. I mean I appreciate the heart-felt feelings, I just don't want to seem like an attention whore, ya know?

ANYWAY, my story. About 2 years ago, actually this coming October 12th will be 2 years exactly, I had this really stupid argument with my dad. I live with my mom and my dad lives about 5 hours away. I had just gotten my driver's license and he wanted me to drive myself up there at the usual time, the third Friday afterschool, spend the weekend, and drive back that Sunday. I told my mom that I didn't really feel that comfortable. I had an old car and I had just gotten my license. So my mom told him that. That went over like a fart in church. Then after that, he had wanted me to go on a cruise with him, my step mom, etc. that he had mentioned 3 months ealier and I told him I can't. I had a test in Calculas that week (yes, I would be missing a full week) and I couldn't make up that time. He went on to tell me that they already booked the tickets and I had no choice.

Long story short, he threatened to kick my ass and blah blah blah.... But the real kicker is that my mom is still being harassed by stepmother to this day. She actually just got a really nasty email 2 days ago.

Should I try to rekindle relationship with my dad? I don't know if I could be in the same house as my evil witch stepmother after hearing the things she had called and said to my mother. I'd want to strangle her. Lol.

Sorry for the rant guys.......I really am. Haha. I tried to shorten it without leaving out bits.

[Jerpyjorpjerp]

Yes, I think you should. YOU should organize a time to spend time with your dad when YOU are available. That way he won't feel like you're avoiding him (which you obviously are - don't lie). You are his sperm. You should at least let him be present in your life, since aside from divorcing your mother you don't make it seem as though he's done anything else to warrant your behavior. My dad left his former wife and son to marry my mother, and the son let his anger towards my dad consume his life. Whenever we would invite him over to our house he would make up some bullshit excuse just to avoid my mom because he thought she hated him. He even stopped his visitation! I considered him my full brother, but he really just abandoned me without a second thought. Now he's 38 years old, an alcoholic, still miserable, and still complaining. He blames my mom for all of his problems.

It is really hard for divorced parents to balance two families. It is especially hard when the family members are being obstinate about it. Facilitate a better life for yourself by accepting this new branch of your family. Any children born from this relationship will share flesh and blood with you and I know you will want them to be a part of your life and you theirs. Don't burn bridges.

[LJay]

It's calculus.

Were I in your shoes, I would try to separate my battles. Dealing with your dad is different from your mother dealing with your stepmother is different from you dealing with your stepmother.

Two years and you are still scrapping over this? Have a conversation with your dad -- alone -- and tell him that you are sorry, but you just couldn't go and that you think it is time to end the feud. If he suggests a visit, tell him that you would be uncomfortable with that until the ladies are at least civil to each other. If the talk goes calmly, you might even ask him for some advice about how he thinks things should work out. Sorry, but you need to be independent about this stuff and that is a rough thing for guys in your situation to handle, but give it a try.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I see what your saying. I just won't really be able to look at my stepmom the same. She would send me these really kind and caring emails and then send an email to my mom saying she was a sleezebag and that my mom is just jealous about my stepmom's status. (They are not as rich as their outward apperance, trust me.) And yeah, I haven't spoken to my dad since that day. He hasn't tried contacting me and I haven't tried contacting him. Thanks for the advice. I think I might start it with an email if I do contact him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

With this I consider myself fortunate my father disowned me when I came out gay to him.

None of this 'family disputes' over silly stuff for me.....


Point? You're lucky you have your father in your life. Start looking at it from that point.

And as others have mentioned, don't get involved with the other people's problems. What Step mum and Mum are doing is between them. And if either and or both of them drag you into it be the adult and tell them you are mature enough to know that this isn't your battle.


As for your father, sounds to me he is trying to keep you as part of his life, is scared he will use you and since being male and being raised to not feel 'bad things' he is using anger as the only expression of emotion.... Its typical for older males - its a generational thing.

[Cuddly]

Your dad wanted you to miss out on a test and a full week of school? Great influence *sarcasm*.

I completely understand that you don't feel like going for long drives, just after getting your license. It takes time to become fully comfortable with driving and to learn of your limits etc.. Like, do you even know if you can drive for 5 hours straight? What if you can't? You just park somewhere in between your home and the destination and wait until you feel ready to continue driving?...

1) Why are you seeing emails from your stepmother, meant for your mother?
2) Why is she a sleezebag?
3) Do you know why your parents got divorced?
4) Your stepmother probably heard terrible things about your mum, which aren't necesarily true, assuming the divorce hasn't been smooth
5) How old are you?
6) How often did you usually see your dad?
7) Did your father actually intend to convince you to go on a cruise with him and his new girlfriend, who he (maybe) left your mother for, by beating you?..

So many questions, so little time.
It all sounds N U T S. With big fat letters. Underlined too. Spaced out for emphasis.
Honestly, with the information you've given I see no reason why you should have the two in your life (dad and stepmum). Being a young (gay?) adult is complicated enough without your parents throwing drama at you!!

Also, this wasn't what I was expecting from a thread on a gay forum titled Daddy Issues!!

[meridannight]

i am incapable of understanding the situation when half the relevant details have been left out of the story.

but people who call other people ''evil witch stepmother'' don't usually understand the full story themselves, or don't even have it, and it puts their age somewhere around 10. so, it seems to me you only have one side of the story and are emotionally too wound up to keep an open mind on the rest. did you come up with ''evil witch stepmother'' yourself, or is it a nickname your mom has given her?

i don't have pity, except for the fact that you're acting like a child.

[East]

One or both of your parents have behaved badly...meaning...they have put you in the middle of their fight. One or both are manipulative so you might not even realize what they have done.

My mother would instigate an attack on my stepmother from her sons using manipulation and deception and then when we were all cussing out the stepmother she would sit back and tell us to calm down. She was never the saint but always worked very hard pretending that she was.

Good luck..you are going to need it. Taking off the strings one or both of them have attached to you might be impossible.

[Anonymous]

With this I consider myself fortunate my father disowned me when I came out gay to him.

None of this 'family disputes' over silly stuff for me.....


Point? You're lucky you have your father in your life. Start looking at it from that point.

And as others have mentioned, don't get involved with the other people's problems. What Step mum and Mum are doing is between them. And if either and or both of them drag you into it be the adult and tell them you are mature enough to know that this isn't your battle.


As for your father, sounds to me he is trying to keep you as part of his life, is scared he will use you and since being male and being raised to not feel 'bad things' he is using anger as the only expression of emotion.... Its typical for older males - its a generational thing.

Yeah, I understand that this is a thing between PARENTS. My stepmom has no right to be saying anything to my mom. My mom has been there my whole life so naturally I'm going to take her side. The funny thing is that my mom never sent any emails to my stepmom. My stepmom has always been rude to my mother. When my stepmom would pick me up when I was dropped off by my mom, she wouldn't even got out of the car to say hi. And my dad is the very non-emotional type. I've never seen him become emotional other than angry or something like that.

Your dad wanted you to miss out on a test and a full week of school? Great influence *sarcasm*.

I completely understand that you don't feel like going for long drives, just after getting your license. It takes time to become fully comfortable with driving and to learn of your limits etc.. Like, do you even know if you can drive for 5 hours straight? What if you can't? You just park somewhere in between your home and the destination and wait until you feel ready to continue driving?...

1) Why are you seeing emails from your stepmother, meant for your mother?
2) Why is she a sleezebag?
3) Do you know why your parents got divorced?
4) Your stepmother probably heard terrible things about your mum, which aren't necesarily true, assuming the divorce hasn't been smooth
5) How old are you?
6) How often did you usually see your dad?
7) Did your father actually intend to convince you to go on a cruise with him and his new girlfriend, who he (maybe) left your mother for, by beating you?..

So many questions, so little time.
It all sounds N U T S. With big fat letters. Underlined too. Spaced out for emphasis.
Honestly, with the information you've given I see no reason why you should have the two in your life (dad and stepmum). Being a young (gay?) adult is complicated enough without your parents throwing drama at you!!

Also, this wasn't what I was expecting from a thread on a gay forum titled Daddy Issues!!

Yes, he wanted me to miss a full week of school and a AP Calculus test. Lol

And yeah pretty much. Not only that, but I had a 20 year old car. It's not that I don't trust my car, it's just the fact it was 20 years old.

1) Because I would ask her if she got anything from my stepmom because usually I would have gotten an email from her also.
2) My mom isn't. My stepmom just loves throwing insults at my mom. She said once that my mom just sits outside the officers club waiting to be knocked up. My mom and stepdad (an high ranking officer in the navy) have been married 16 years soooooo.....
3) They were never married. I am a "bastard" child. lol
4)She has formed her own opinions, trust mee.....
5) 18
6) One weekend of every month and certain holidays.
7) No. He just said over the phone he would "kick my ass if I was standing in front of him." He has laid his hands on me before. But, I don't think he would "kick my ass"

And yeah.....I actually use to go to a therapist about it (last year.) He told me it's my dad's choice were or not he wants to be the adult in the situation.

And yes, I'm gay. lol Open to my home family. Not to my dad or any of them.

i am incapable of understanding the situation when half the relevant details have been left out of the story.

but people who call other people ''evil witch stepmother'' don't usually understand the full story themselves, or don't even have it, and it puts their age somewhere around 10. so, it seems to me you only have one side of the story and are emotionally too wound up to keep an open mind on the rest. did you come up with ''evil witch stepmother'' yourself, or is it a nickname your mom has given her?

i don't have pity, except for the fact that you're acting like a child.

I tried to not leave any important details out but, who knows.

I lived with my mom for 18 years and my stepmom for 14. I know how each persons personality works. My stepmom use to be really nice to me, then get crazy mad over the tinniest things. Then this poo-flinging onto my mom made me finally realize that she's a little crazy. I am an adult. I don't have to have my mom convince me of anything. And honestly, that's one of the reasons my stepmom got so pissy toward my mom. She thinks my mom made me stay home from the trip and that she controls everything I did. I have my own mind.

I came up with the nickname, as I was writing this post actually.

One or both of your parents have behaved badly...meaning...they have put you in the middle of their fight. One or both are manipulative so you might not even realize what they have done.

My mother would instigate an attack on my stepmother from her sons using manipulation and deception and then when we were all cussing out the stepmother she would sit back and tell us to calm down. She was never the saint but always worked very hard pretending that she was.

Good luck..you are going to need it. Taking off the strings one or both of them have attached to you might be impossible.

I honestly don't believe my mom has me "under her control" at all. I mean she can have her own crazy spells but I know how she is. My mother has never told me to yell at my stepmother. I actually asked my mom" can I just call her and yell at her? I haven't had a good yell in a while." And she said please god don't. If you don't respond to her she will sooner or later stop the messages. On a sidenote, my stepmom saw a picture of my little brother( my moms son, he lives with us) on facebook and told my mom that he looks like a thug. and that she must be a great parent. So.......take it as you may.

and thank you for the luck. I am going to need it......lol