Why would my friend act this way towards me and then reject me? What should I do?

[Gideon]

Kinda sounds to me like dude is at least curious. That doesn't mean he's accepted it yet(or even is attracted) but that he's -curious- And your text and outpouring of feelings put him on the spot and he freaked out.

That he's not being honest with you or open with you? Probably because you freaked him out.

I'm kinda confused though why you would be willing to toss the entire friendship just because he's either not really gay or isn't really sure what he's into at the moment. I mean I get it's awkward but you said you're the one being cold and distant....you really want to trash the friendship you have just because he's not willing or ready to make it something more?

I think I would let things cool down and see if we could salvage at least the friendship if nothing else, but that's me.

[palbert]

Simple answer: You are being played by a very confused and manipulative individual. It may seem a harsh decision but I think you are the better for distancing yourself from him.

[East]

Your friend is very manipulative. Going solely on what you said...he sounds like he might be sadistic or even a sociopath underneath all of that charm. My guess is that he intended for you to feel as you do and gets off on it. I don't think you need to tell him how you feel...he already knows.

You had better hope he isn't gay because if he was...he is not someone you want a relationship with......it would take too much text for me to explain (I am not a huge fan of typing)

[Wardo94]

I think everybody already put in their put in their two cents, but I went through something a bit similar, but not to the extent of your situation. My friend would do some of that stuff. And eventually I grew feelings for him and all that other stuff. We ended up "dating" and doing stuff, but then he completely changed one day and just told me that he was just curious and that all of that had no meaning. To this day, he acts like none of that happened. I think he's definitely into guys. Be it he's curious, gay, or bisexual. He just seems like he's in major denial and since you poured your heart out to him, that might have scared him off a bit. Give it some time for everything to cool off and calm down, and just don't bring any of that stuff up to him. Don't act cold and distant. Just don't bring the situation up again. From there, he might come back and talk to you. Good luck!

[MikeW]

I agree with East. Your friend is a manipulative person and may very well be a sociopath. Personally, whenever I run into someone who is manipulative -- whether in the way you describe or otherwise -- I keep as much distance between us as possible. I share *nothing* with them about my life. And I sure as hell don't develop feelings for them. This attitude comes from having experienced the consequences which can be quit devastating. Everything about this guy screams DANGER, DANGER in my mind.

[meridannight]

What do you think I should do?

i pretty much had the same reaction when it happened to me. i missed that affection with him. i missed the physical intimacy, and the connection. i missed his touch... it drove me nuts for while, to be deprived of that. but what the hell could i do? i couldn't force him to be with me. the only way i got past him was with time. gradually what i felt for him started to fade away as i stopped thinking about him and nurturing any hope him and me could ever be anything. it killed me, but i got past him. be prepared for it to take months though. you don't just switch out of something like that so easily.

one thing – there is nothing wrong with feeling that way for another human being. he was the target of your feelings, but he doesn't own them. remember that. he inspired them, but don't let him crush them or twist them into something ugly and negative. keep them pure and authentic, the way they were born. you're capable of feeling something so beautiful for another human being, and that's a good thing. don't let this experience mar that capacity.

i wish you the best of luck.

[heythere999]

I mean I guess everyone went through the denial stage, but eh. This is just insane. And also unfair to me. And the thing that sucks is I can't force him to come out to himself and me if he isn't straight... I mean, unless I become a desperate creep and ask him to let me kiss him or something.

But yeah... very depressing situation.

And the worst part is that he's in my very very close group of friends (as in, we hang out every Friday and Saturday and when we're not with each other we talk in a group chat constantly every day), and we're in two of the same organizations together, so I see him Sundays and sometimes weekdays too. So I'm not gonna really be able to distance myself from him too much... I dunno.

And I don't want to act cold with him, but that's just how I'm reacting because I'm mad that he did this to me, and I'm also disappointed. I feel like he hasn't been totally honest or open with me... If I poured my heart out to him, he should have no problems doing the same with me, no? But I don't know how to let him know that. I dunno. We honestly did have an amazing connection and he would often call our friendship "beautiful". But apparently we can't have that back and build up and apparently our friendship will change in a "good way"... But I can't handle that. I can't handle forcing myself to change the nature of the friendship into an empty shell of its former self. And I can't be mean and tell him to admit that he's confused...

The thing about me is that I'm not insecure, and I'm also not afraid to swallow my pride, ever. So I would have no trouble telling him something like I love him and he can be comfortable telling me absolutely anything but I can't deal with the downgrade in friendship. I dunno :/

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What do you want from this?

Do you want to date him try a relationship?

If yes, corner him face to face and tell him point blank: "I want to try a relationship with you".

Set clear boundaries here.

Tell him there is no more of this wishy-washy behavior - either he commits or he gets off the pot and allows you to move on to find a relationship.

If you do not want a relationship with him, tell him so. And add to that he can't be doing all of this other stuff because it wrecks your chances of getting involved with others because everyone thinks that you and he are an item. Including his brother.

This has to be face to face. Only 60% of human communication is through words, the other 40% is tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. Those are very important when it comes to this sort of serious conversation.

[heythere999]

I would love to eventually have a relationship with him. I already told him I love spending time with him more than anyone else. If he were to accept back, I would continue being friends, become really close, try things, and then escalate from there into hopefully a relationship. I loved our friendship and I know he did too... Why else would he always call it "beautiful" and initiate everything and say "I love you/I love you so much/I wish I could just be in your arms forever/sometimes I just want to love you" etc.? But the problem is our friendship was a flirtationship with a lot of sexual tension and he even pointed that out and when I asked him about it for the second time (first time he just said "don't change the subject) he said it was a joke.

The thing that sucks is I want him to let him know that he can be comfortable and not be judged by whatever he tells me and that he can trust me with anything, like if he's confused... I wouldn't do anything to break the trust or to make him super uncomfortable. But I don't know how...

[Bhp91126]

Leaving him out for a moment.
You seem to be pretty confident to be bi and in love with him.
Could you imagine coming out to your other friends in the circle, with you being in love with him and such? All your friends observing you guys for the last couple of months thought romance was brewing. Assuming they will believe you, you may have some support from your other friends, esp. the girls.
If he sees that it is a nonissue with your friends, it might help him to come out himself. Or it will trigger a public discussion in the group, where he has to declare himself. At least you will feel vindicated, and he'll get the disdain of the group for playing with your feelings.