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Advice on getting help!
#1
Hi everyone,

I'hoping for some advice.

I'm 27 and still not out. I've always been afraid of coming out, although I think I'm probably my own worst enemy. I just can't imagine me living an open and happy life.
For a while now I have become very depressed and not sure what to do. I have completely lost all interest in life and work and I'm sure people have noticed that something is wrong. I really want to get help but the idea of explaining what is going on to a doctor just fills me will dread.
Has anyone here had these talks with their doctors? How did you approach the subject?

Any advice would be great.

Ant
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#2
It isn't all or nothing. You can take baby steps, and/or choose to not tell coworkers.

It's your life. Be as open, or private as you choose to be.
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#3
Situational depression can lead to or exacerbate clinical depression. Approach from a scientific perspective and your doctor (who is sworn to uphold the confidentiality of her/his patients) will easily pick up on your attempt to be open despite your fear. Write it down, take it with you and say "I can't say it outloud" and hand her the note. Does coming to terms with sexual orientation contribute to medical problems? Every freaking damn day! The longer you suffer alone the longer you suffer...alone. Please stop it. If you come out to the doctor you can ask her/him not to document your disclosure. You will get the private help you need to move forward one day at a time. I love that you come here to talk about it. I hope you'll write more about it as you move forward. Remybussi
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
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#4
I can certainly understand the fear you are feeling with coming out. I was so afraid of coming out - even to myself - that I had three failed marriages in an attempt to convince myself that I was straight. My inability to be honest about who I am didn't just affect me, but I hurt others as well.

I know it's hard and I know how holding it in can negatively affect you. But taking baby steps like Borg suggested or just sharing it with someone that is required by law to keep it confidential like CCRox said would be a great place to start.

Good luck Ant; I sincerely hope you find the support you need.
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#5
The way I went about getting help was to ignore my 'little problems' until I couldn't anymore, then I decided to try drowning them, and no matter how many oceans of alcohol I filtered through my liver those pesky problems wouldn't go away, so I turned to drugs for the better chunk of a decade. Finally reached a crescendo and then a crash and during the process of AA and NA meetings I finally decided to give doctors a try.

I tried a psychiatrist first, that lead to a 15 minute consult and a few prescriptions, the most important one being one of the new antidepressants (it was 1994, it was new then), a wee bit over a month later I decided if one pill was to 'help' then surely several bottles of pills and a plastic bag would cure whatever ailed me.

After dying in the ambulance, and being resuscitated, and then dying in the ER room whilst they were pumping my stomach, a few days later the hospital introduced me to the concept of therapy.

Thinking about it I may have been able to take a simpler, easier route and just sought my doctors advice during one of my regular check-ups years prior and saved myself a ton money, tears, and an assortments of various horror shows.


My point. IF you do not seek professional help this will not get better on its own. You will (eventually) start trying to find relief in other things - it may not be alcohol or drugs, it may be porn, it may be food, it may be in minor scratches to your inner thigh with a razor blade, it may be promiscuity - there are many forms of self destructive behaviors out there people do on a regular basis because it actually feels better than _____________(fill in the blank).

Depression is one of those interesting mental health conditions that has a small window for actually curing it. After about a year or two it becomes harder to cure and starts to be a chronic on going condition that has to be treated. The brain learns how to works its chemistry in depressed mode and is really hard to unlearn that trick once its established that pattern.

Start off with your General Practitioner - AKA family doctor. S/he is medically trained in a lot of areas to a minor degree and s/he will attempt preliminary treatments, most likely slap you on the offices most common antidepressants.

The thing your doctor will not tell you is that you need to manage yourself on that drug. That means keep a log of your general feelings from day to day and keep an eye on side effects (mind suicide happens to be a more common and very serious side effect to many of the newer antidepressants).

Your log should be a daily entry of what your general mood was like for the say:

1-02-2013: I felt rather chipper for the day.
1-03-2013: Wasn't so chipper, spent a few hours sulking in my room.
1-04-2013: contemplated the advantages of buying a casket now, instead of waiting until I'm dead.
1-05-2013: Wasn't hungry - just feeling blah. (Called the mortuary asked about casket home delivery, they hung up).

and so on.

Mind I used a bit of humor to add things which are 'hints' of my over all mood. I'm a comedic depressed person - meaning I express my depression (and any other feeling) with humor. If you that then include that in your log.

Having a log of your depressed days compared to your not depressed days may reveal a lot more about your depression which will lead to better treatment options.

I strongly advise you to ask your doctor about getting therapy right from the get go. A doctor's referral can make or break your getting into a therapist early and cheaply. S/he may decline saying no - depends on insurance and the way medicine works in your country. I know in the USA that having a serious suicide "attempt" as they call what I did, opens up doors to immediate help and untold free therapy. They worry that I might do that again and this time not get help. Oh and its not because they want me to live, they fear the words 'Malpractice Suit'.


If you are feeling suicidal, you need to tell your doctor. If you find yourself contemplating how the world will move on without you (or not) you need to tell your doctor. This can be a sign/symptoms that your depression is about to get ugly. Ignore at your own peril.


What you are expressing is situational depression. "I am currently going through ___________, and I feel depressed."

Your doctor needs to know that there is a pinpointable situational cause in your life so s/he will not assume that this is just chemical depression. Therapy works better for situational therapy than just drug therapy.
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#6
CCRox Wrote:Situational depression can lead to or exacerbate clinical depression. Approach from a scientific perspective and your doctor (who is sworn to uphold the confidentiality of her/his patients) will easily pick up on your attempt to be open despite your fear. Write it down, take it with you and say "I can't say it outloud" and hand her the note. Does coming to terms with sexual orientation contribute to medical problems? Every freaking damn day! The longer you suffer alone the longer you suffer...alone. Please stop it. If you come out to the doctor you can ask her/him not to document your disclosure. You will get the private help you need to move forward one day at a time. I love that you come here to talk about it. I hope you'll write more about it as you move forward. Remybussi

↑↑↑↑
CCRox said all you need to know.

Anything the rest of us say is just extra commentary. For me the ordeal was weird. My parents and brother accepted that I wasn't going to be totally heterosexual when I was a young teen too young to even know for sure what was going on with me. It took me until I was 20 to come out to MYSELF and start getting comfortable with myself. it took longer to really come out to everyone because at that time I was still in the military and DADT was still getting guys kicked out. I just chose people to come out to one by one as I felt I could do it. It's not like you have wake up one day and hang a sign around your neck and let the world know.... Like Borg said... Baby Steps.

As for seeing a counselor about it -- it's not a bad idea at all. My man's a psychologist and deals with it one on one with clients and helps them prepare for group therapies once the ground work is down for it. It's easy for people to learn in groups how to deal with 'coming out' to family and friends.

Also the depression you're having is understandable but it's not something you need to be rushed into taking meds for. I cam tell you from personal experience meds are not nearly as effective at dealing with depression as your body's own unlimited free supply of endorphin. Any doctor or counselor who doesn't tell you this is not the one you need to be seeing.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression...rcise.aspx
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/ex...depression
http://www.netplaces.com/depression/the-...rphins.htm

And around here in GS you can rely on people ALWAYS willing to help any way they can. This place is famous for that.
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#7
Virge Wrote:
↑↑↑↑
CCRox said all you need to know.

Anything the rest of us say is just extra commentary.

Also the depression you're having is understandable but it's not something you need to be rushed into taking meds for. I cam tell you from personal experience meds are not nearly as effective at dealing with depression as your body's own unlimited free supply of endorphin. Any doctor or counselor who doesn't tell you this is not the one you need to be seeing.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression...rcise.aspx
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/ex...depression
http://www.netplaces.com/depression/the-...rphins.htm

And around here in GS you can rely on people ALWAYS willing to help any way they can. This place is famous for that.

Virge licked it from the taint to the tip. Now read it again and again until it is clear in your head and your heart.
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
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#8
Damn CCRox. Maybe you and I need to team up and solve all the worlds problems. hahahahha!
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#9
Hi and welcome to GS Smile

When I was having problems , some conserning my homosexuality I went to my GP to see if I could get any help. He was very understanding and helpful, and put me forward for the 'Let's talk well being ' therapy program that is free via the NHS. I found this very good and helpful in helping me comes to terms with my homosexuality and dealing with the depressed state that I was in. Sadly I had to wait several months for treatment, this being the only drawback really.

As for coming out to other people this is something that only you can decide when is the right time and whom you come out to.

Try to push yourself to gain interest in your life again, you may be thinking that all is doom and gloom at the moment and that you will always feel this way, but you CAN and WILL get better and help is there if you ask for it.

Stay strong and good luck. Smile
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#10
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply back. I really appreciate your help and I know you are right. If someone had asked me I would probably given them the same advice, I seem to be good at giving advice but not good at taking it.

Even the baby steps are worrying, I can't see a future where I'm out to friends and family and actually living a happy life. The though of going to work and everyone know is just terrifying! I would defiantly say the biggest problem is that I haven't fully accepted it myself yet.

Thanks again.
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