Older man, we had some fun, found out he's on tv...

[mvoco]

So, I met this guy in a bar and at first I wasn't sure if he was hitting on me or not. He seemed quite friendly with everyone and technically I guess he's old enough to be my dad - he's in his fifties. When we both went outside for a smoke though I felt like we really clicked and he was definitely coming on to me.
End of the night he walked me to my flat nearby and came in. We kissed a little and I gave him a handjob. I was fully prepared to go all the way but he said he had to leave. We exchanged numbers and he was really sweet but part of me suspected I'd never hear from him again - I was wrong! He texted the following morning apologising if his departure had seemed a little abrupt and hoping we could meet up again. We arranged to have coffee and once again I felt like we really had a spark, he's funny, charming and intelligent and was a real gent. I knew from chatting at the bar that he was an actor but I didn't recognise him from anything, so after our coffee meeting - and another meeting in the pipeline when he returns from filming on location - I googled him when I got home. Turns out I had seen him on tv but he's so completely different in real life to the character he'd played on tv it didn't register. I also tried to find out his relationship history - couldn't help myself! But there's nothing! Only mentions of him having a partner but no clue as to who. This didn't surprise me much as he's not massively well known.
But then I spoke to friends who were at the bar the night we met because they know friends of his. It's not entirely clear whether he's out or not, it's not even clear whether he's gay or bi. One friend thinks he's in the closest, hence all the mentions of partner without stating who or even mentioning gender. In his most recent interview there was no mention of a partner at all, but he does have a child.
In a text I did try to jokingly ask if he's single and a one man man before our next meeting (a drink at the same bar) but he humorously deflected.
I'm not even sure what my question is here... I really fancy him but I don't really want to be someone's secret. But I'm also now questioning whether he's even into me romantically or if he thinks we're meeting platonically. Our coffee date was great but in hindsight could have been just a friendly thing, there was no real romantic feel to it. But then we did kiss that first night and I wanked him off so he must know I'm interested in more than friendship and he must be too right? I'm afraid I'm just rambling now!

[LJay]

.............imdb?

[Cuddly]

All you can do is ask. Why not tell him that you're into him and feel that you have a connection, but are uncertain how he's feeling about this and if it's a relationship he wants to develop. Obviously, he is interested in you, in some way.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I ask people point blank about stuff when I want to know.

"Do you have a wife/BF/Spouse?"

"What are you wanting here?"

Mind I know that sex on a first date ain't going to happen. If I have sex with someone who I just met my intent is to fuck or be fucked and move on. I have had two one night stands and I made it perfectly clear that this was a one night opportunity which will NOT be repeated no matter how great they were in bed.

I came I saw I conquered and came again and then I left. A nice, neat tidy package. That is what one night stands are about. That is what most people who are looking for a one night stand want.

All others I made it perfectly clear I'm looking for dating, relationship, and that sex wasn't going to happen for the first 30 days until we got to know each other a bit better.

Clarity, its a wonderful thing.

Know what it is YOU want and make it perfectly clear to potential mates, butt-buddies whatever - what it is that you are seeking/wanting.

The only thing you can do at this stage of the game is tell this fella what it is you are seeking and then ask him questions. Ask him if he is single, tell if him if you are down with being the 'other woman' or not.

Clarity comes through communication.

And yes you most likely will be rejected, or hated or he will run away screaming - rejection is part and parcel of human interaction. Get used to it.

[meridannight]

a kiss and a handjob are not indicators that you're interested in more than sex.

[Camfer]

a kiss and a handjob are not indicators that you're interested in more than sex.

Yeah, but a text the next day has some merit. Just communicate with him. He can handle it.

[Borg69]

I'd say slow down and remember to breathe and relax. One or two quasi dates and a hand job and you're already picking out a wedding dress AND planning your divorce.

Stop speculating, get the facts, THEN freak out.

[LEANDRONJ]

To each its own! personally having an emotional intimacy with someone I just met is a priority, and if I feel there is a real connection there, then sexual intimacy will naturally feel even more intimate! a handjob and a kiss have nothing to do with love and more about just plain lust!

[mvoco]

Thank you all for replying. I've had some clarification since. He's bi, in a relationship with a man for the last few years and has a child with a female "friend". Apparently whilst he's not "in the closest", he doesn't broadcast his sexuality either (which I suppose explains why he never seems to be seen at events with a partner).

And, he just wants us to be friends apparently. I won't deny I'm disappointed. We've arranged a time to go for that drink where you I suppose I get to say yay or nay to friendship. A friend has told me to say no now and not waste my time, but I do like him and perhaps friendship would work.

He apologised for not coming clean about having a partner from the off and says it was an uncharacteristic lapse of judgement. He says he really enjoys my company and whilst he does find me attractive there cannot be anything sexual between us again, and do I think we can be friends.

Given things hadn't gone too far between us I don't think we've gone too far beyond the possibility of friendship, but maybe I'm just setting myself up for a fall, maybe we both are.

[mvoco]

Thank you all for replying. I've had some clarification since. He's bi, in a relationship with a man for the last few years and has a child with a female "friend". Apparently whilst he's not "in the closest", he doesn't broadcast his sexuality either (which I suppose explains why he never seems to be seen at events with a partner).

And, he just wants us to be friends apparently. I won't deny I'm disappointed. We've arranged a time to go for that drink where you I suppose I get to say yay or nay to friendship. A friend has told me to say no now and not waste my time, but I do like him and perhaps friendship would work.

He apologised for not coming clean about having a partner from the off and says it was an uncharacteristic lapse of judgement. He says he really enjoys my company and whilst he does find me attractive there cannot be anything sexual between us again, and do I think we can be friends.

Given things hadn't gone too far between us I don't think we've gone too far beyond the possibility of friendship, but maybe I'm just setting myself up for a fall, maybe we both are.