First Contact ( not Star Trek )

[princealbertofb]

Nice, Reaper... So, would you say you're practising for the person you'll become soon, on a more social level? For the moment it's just playing around, right, but maybe you'll want to find a partner and live life as a gay man?

[reaper]

Nice, Reaper... So, would you say you're practising for the person you'll become soon, on a more social level? For the moment it's just playing around, right, but maybe you'll want to find a partner and live life as a gay man?

Yeah, this is a good way to describe it. I am just playing around right now, but I'm still being selective in the way I do it. I've had several people approach me in the club and I always say I'm just watching. I'm in no rush to do things just to do them, he's one of 3 people in the club that I've gotten to know and we hang out at each meeting. If I didn't like him and think he was a good guy I wouldn't bother. So I'm just looking to have fun for now, but selective fun.

AS for the future, right now I'm not looking to far ahead. Things will unfold as they do. I'll make choices and decisions based on situations as they appear. I find that trying to plan to far ahead for a future you can't predict pulls you from the present moment and leads to worry and stress.

But I am gay. I feel so free and content at the club. If 3 months ago someone were to tell me I'd be walking with a guy asking how he'd feel about a kinky hookup...then kissing him on a city sidewalk...then sitting with his head on my shoulder...I'd have thought they were out of their minds. If a marching band went by us I wouldn't have cared.

I will live life as a gay man because it's who I am. How open will depend on some factors. It's not realistic that I can really come fully out...especially in regards to work. My mom, some family, and my best friend will be on the to tell list. Others I won't tell unless circumstances make it a necessity.

I'm ok with this. What I do, or with who I do what, doesn't need to be shared with everyone. It'll be a case by case basis.

I'm no activist and I'm not looking to change the world. I'll just live my life the way I see fit. When it's easier to be secretive I will. I don't need anyone's approval or disapproval, I'll avoid making my life more difficult then it needs to be.

[princealbertofb]

Quite right, Reaper. Your private life is your private life. However, you may find, as you become more comfortable with your new self, that you are more of an activist than you thought (or maybe you'll never be one, who knows?) as you encounter situations that don't really work out for you in your new found persona.

You are right also to tell whoever you feel comfortable with knowing your sexual orientation. It is easier when our families know and they can finally stop concentrating on the wrong things. Give them time to adjust too, as you have given yourself time to adjust. People at work don't have to be in your intimate circle, unless you need to date one of your colleagues (lol). Even so, if they're used to you being a private person, they're not going to expect anything different from you now. You can keep them in the dark.

You may find that as your life and outlook change, you no longer wish to keep it a total secret... and some things might 'leak out' eventually, but by then, it'll probably be safe for you to disclose (or not disclose) but mostly for you to BE who you need to BE.

I am personally still wondering how it will feel once I'm married, if my partner and I do get married, and how I will announce that at school, since my status will have changed. It's not as if they and I can suddenly choose to ignore it. I know you're nowhere near that state of affairs for the moment, but maybe you'll be reconsidering some time from now.
All the best with your experimentations and discoveries. Stay safe and true to yourself. It's just so nice not to be lying anymore, isn't it?

[reaper]

Quite right, Reaper. Your private life is your private life. However, you may find, as you become more comfortable with your new self, that you are more of an activist than you thought (or maybe you'll never be one, who knows?) as you encounter situations that don't really work out for you in your new found persona.

You are right also to tell whoever you feel comfortable with knowing your sexual orientation. It is easier when our families know and they can finally stop concentrating on the wrong things. Give them time to adjust too, as you have given yourself time to adjust. People at work don't have to be in your intimate circle, unless you need to date one of your colleagues (lol). Even so, if they're used to you being a private person, they're not going to expect anything different from you now. You can keep them in the dark.

You may find that as your life and outlook change, you no longer wish to keep it a total secret... and some things might 'leak out' eventually, but by then, it'll probably be safe for you to disclose (or not disclose) but mostly for you to BE who you need to BE.

I am personally still wondering how it will feel once I'm married, if my partner and I do get married, and how I will announce that at school, since my status will have changed. It's not as if they and I can suddenly choose to ignore it. I know you're nowhere near that state of affairs for the moment, but maybe you'll be reconsidering some time from now.
All the best with your experimentations and discoveries. Stay safe and true to yourself. It's just so nice not to be lying anymore, isn't it?

As things unfold I may change my outlook, certainly a possibility.

Reading you post made me think of something and laugh. I said I'm no activist and I'm not. A few weeks back, maybe my second visit, some of us were outside talking. A few guys were talking about Pride. I didn't say anything, but I thought to myself...I'd never partake in this.

Well, last night this came up again. This time it was the 3 guys I'm most friendly with. The one guy said they usually have a set up and give out some stuff, bondage related and it's a fun time. This is only a few weeks after the initial conversation I was silent on.

This time I was thinking, if these guys were to go and do this, I would want to be with them as well. It was strange. I've told NO ONE about any of my recent insights. The people at the club, and the members of this forum are the only ones. But I couldn't picture not being their with my bondage bros, lol.

[LJay]

Gee, Reaper, I haven't thought of a marching band for a long time. Used to get a real kick out of the school bands.

One of the things that is a real revelation to me is that guys your age can deal with the issues of sexuality so well. When I was there it was an all alone thing and NEVER talked about, especially with peers. This is true of many issues these days. More power to your generation and its ability to work things out. Coming from a place where there was no internet and the town paper only came out once a week, things have really changed for the better!

[Borg69]

Awww! I remember the fireworks of my first few male kisses! I think your progress is awesome!

[princealbertofb]

Yes, Reaper, it's going to work on you in stranger ways than you'd think. First of all, because you've liberated your thoughts and the way you look at life.
Ever since I've been more open to myself about who I really am now that I'm in a relationship, I find myself being more annoyed than I would have let myself be by stuff that goes on in school and by things the kids say, and by general attitudes. I can't help but wonder what they would think about me if they knew I had a perfectly viable and loving relationship with another man, even if it is none of their business and I've kept it mostly quiet. My colleagues know and know my partner, so we can have a chat about what we've been doing over the weekend or the holidays, and they ask about him. So that is pleasant, because I don't have to pretend I'm something else than who I am. But of course, I don't tell the kids. We teach a crowd who seem quite modern in their outlook on life, but some still seem to think that gay bashing or gay bullying is cool. I try to stop it when I can, but wish we didn't even have to go there.

[princealbertofb]

Being gay pro-active sometimes means re-instilling the notion that everyone's equality is precisely that, and that the law is the law in equal ways for everyone, not just the select few... or the select majority. It has happened that I've challenged some of my students' thinking about marriage equality. I don't have to tell them I'm gay, all I need to do is to get them to think about certain situations that they would find inacceptable on grounds of equality, then I just show them how it works...

[reaper]

Being gay pro-active sometimes means re-instilling the notion that everyone's equality is precisely that, and that the law is the law in equal ways for everyone, not just the select few... or the select majority. It has happened that I've challenged some of my students' thinking about marriage equality. I don't have to tell them I'm gay, all I need to do is to get them to think about certain situations that they would find inacceptable on grounds of equality, then I just show them how it works...

I hear you, and it's important to instill the importance of equality to the young. I'm fine with myself, but at the same time I don't want to make myself the poster boy. I would be uncomfortable talking openly or answering questions is certain circles. I recognize a certain weakness in that train of thought, but it's really a defense mechanism.

I'm well liked at work, and by most people I know. Telling most of them about any of this would not work out well for me. They don't need to know all aspects of who I am. This could change down the road, but right now when I'm still completely in the closed it makes sense for me.

Soon, I'll begin telling a few people. The only one that I'll be uncomfortable telling is my best friend.

[Camfer]

Sounds like everything is progressing just fine. Thank you for sharing your story. You have a lot of support on here.