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[Jason74]

I am not sure if this so much asking for advice or just venting. Oh by the way there really should be a forum room just for venting when you get frustrated or whatever.

As many of you know and if its not obvious from my label on my picture that I am Transgender. Well anyway I started to join various forums from Cross Dressing Forums to Transgender Forums and what not. Well I joined this one CD Forum and it was also for people that were Transgender and right off the bat I seemed like I just didn't fit into the group there. Anything that I said I was attacked for it and told that I was wrong. Then I realized that majority of the girls as they call us were like in their 60s and 70's.

The admin of the site talked down to me like I was nothing and that I should be lucky to be there and just was very rude and cold towards me from the start. She was a SO which means she was actually a she and she was the significant other of a Cross Dresser and so she just was very strange acting towards me.

I made the mistake of telling them that I had a beard and they said that I couldn't cross dress because I had a beard and that it wouldn't make sense for me to dress in public because of that. I kept telling them that I am nowhere near dressing in public and that I am not dumb and that when I do decide to dress in public that the beard will be cut and shaved off, I am not going to dress in public and try to come off being female with a beard.

Then I got several messages that were privately sent to me and they said that I didn't belong there and that I am not wlecome and so forth and its like WTF how dare you fucking judge me you blah blah blah. Its like these people that hate to be judged by others when they are out in public judge there own kind with no regrets or remorse. I was treated like crap because I just didn't fit into there mold of what I should be.

For me its so much more than just dressing up. I mean I love to wear females clothes because that is the inner female in me and that is when I can feel femme and as close as I possibly can to being a woman. I will be dead honest here, I love to wear female underwear and I usually do when i am just hanging around my room and I have bought various clothes that are female.

I live in an enviroment where dressing up in public would not make me feel comfortable at all and I would be watching out for myself when I am not dressed and I just don't think its the right time or place.

Then I tried to join another forum and its for people that are going through Transition and they asked me some questions and I let them know the answers and told them I am planning on seeing a gender therapist sometime this winter and then they responded asking when exactly and I just realized right then that perhaps I am not supposed to belong to that forum if they are trying to rush me to make important choices and then they said that I might not be die hard and what not and that I am not serious and that just made me feel sick to my stomach.

Why so much judgement within that group of people. I know that if someone came to me and told me that they were transgender I would support them and never ever tell them that they were not serious. Some people have different speeds and I am slow at realizing if a transformation to a full fledged woman is what is really right for me.

I have so many fears that have to do with that process. One is that if I start to take hormones is that my life and my body will change in so many ways and the big fear is even though I would love to have them is once I do grow breasts is that once they are there, its no turning back and I have to live that life. I fear that finding work will be harder and just living that way will be harder.

I think about applying makeup and all that stuff, learning to change my voice and talk like a woman and walk like one is so overwhelming that I get so frustrated thinking that there is no way in hell I could ever pull this off. Then I think who would I be pulling this off for, I would be living the life that I am supposed to live and whocares what other people think and just do it. So I have these emotions that are all over the board and then I try and join some forums to get additional help and I am judged and put down.

Like the first forum for CD I talked about. I posted a question and then someone questioned who I was and what not and then I respond feeling hurt and what not and then I am in the wrong for being that way according to the admin. Its like its okay for these nursing home old ladies to say whatever they want but then if I respond in a way they don't like then I am the bad guy for standing my ground, its like WTF is wrong with these people.

I dunno and then I hear that suicide is high amongst Transgender and it just really does not suprise me when there are forums and bitter old hags that enjoy putting down other people and it just makes me sad for future generations that make the mistake of going to those same forums.

Thats why I love belonging to this one is that so many people are cool with who and what I am and then the people that are not they don't say they are and they just don't comment and I do appreciate that even though if you don't like it I would hope that you would speak up. I honestly don't feel like I could ever be offended in a gay chat room if someone ended up calling me a freak or whatever. I mean in all honesty we are all freaks and I am not just saying because we are gay, I think straights, bisexuals and everyone are just freaks in general.

Well anyway I just wanted to vent and if you want to give me some advice I am all for it as well because I enjoy reading what people have to say.

Jason

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Before any doctor will put you on hormones you will have to do a few years of transgender specific therapy. And well before you can get the full operation you will have to have completed years of therapy and get certificates.

Medicine takes this whole thing very seriously.

I'm going to be blunt, and it may sound mean, but honestly I'm trying to give you the best advice possible.

STOP going to forums - go to a therapist and work with him/her for a few months BEFORE you go to forums and stuff to discuss this life change.

Seriously, those people in those forums are going to seriously mess you up and bias you before you get down the therapy road.

Talk with a therapist about which forums s/he thinks is better suited for your needs. That is what the therapist is there for, to guide you down this road with sanity and rational thought.

Those forums will bias you, influence you and screw up your head totally and completely.

[Camfer]

Sounds like your energy is better spent finding a local transgender person to befriend instead of seeking your support on internet forums. It sounds like you're putting too much significance on forums, just because you don't have local allies.

I bet a lot of transgender people are going to be a bit skeptical if your pics and screen name are like the ones you have posted here. You might find a little more acceptance if your pics had some hint or more of femininity in them, whereas on here your pics you pretty much look like a straight guy. Even your screen name Jason doesn't really convey very well your conception of who you are as transgender. So don't be too put off on the reactions you are now getting.

[Camfer]

Before any doctor will put you on hormones you will have to do a few years of transgender specific therapy. And well before you can get the full operation you will have to have completed years of therapy and get certificates.

I have a friend who is a psychologist working mainly with transgenders. He tells me that this information is outdated and no longer the case. It was true decades ago, but not now.

[Borg69]

"I am woman... hear me roar!"

I'm going to guess that in order to join that sorority, you're going to have to walk a mile in their (high heeled) shoes. It's an initiation, of sorts. What ever ridicule you think you're getting now before you even get started is a drop in the bucket compared to what they've undoubtedly gone through trying to justify their lives to the world.

It's a constant up hill battle the whole way. Kicking, scratching, fighting. They want to see how badly you want it and if you're worthy enough to join their exclusive girls only club.

[ChadCoxRox]

Nice rant. Let it rip!!!! We love you friend and I totally agree on avoiding anything where you are not respected until you have a need to face such challenge for some other agenda than restoring the true you. The journey will have bumps but steer like you know how to drive.

[Jake]

Before any doctor will put you on hormones you will have to do a few years of transgender specific therapy. And well before you can get the full operation you will have to have completed years of therapy and get certificates.

Medicine takes this whole thing very seriously.

I'm going to be blunt, and it may sound mean, but honestly I'm trying to give you the best advice possible.

STOP going to forums - go to a therapist and work with him/her for a few months BEFORE you go to forums and stuff to discuss this life change.

Seriously, those people in those forums are going to seriously mess you up and bias you before you get down the therapy road.

Talk with a therapist about which forums s/he thinks is better suited for your needs. That is what the therapist is there for, to guide you down this road with sanity and rational thought.

Those forums will bias you, influence you and screw up your head totally and completely.

I can't agree more with BA here, forums aren't the place to seek support for such case, you definitely need to speak with a professional who will not judge you and will be asking you the real questions. Forums may sometime come to help with certain cases, but then you keep on getting crossed information that will more often confused the shit out of you. Even in this forum sometimes you can see that the advices are just personal opinion coming from people who will quite often tell you what worked for them, but that's just it, what worked for them doesn't necessarily means it will work for you.

A professional psychologist will be able to help you out and make it happen for you, there's many steps before a psychologist signed your certificate and you're certainly are not going to get that from a forum where you have to deal with judgmental pricks, know it all asshole who's opinion is only what counts for them.

Yes, it is true there have been a lot of suicides amongst the Transgenders, because they did not get the support they deserved and few have been going through those forums and been totally destroyed. Even though the forum says that it's about Transgenders telling their journey, it doesn't stop haters, dumbasses, judgmental pricks to log in and make you feel inadequate. See a professional

[Jake]

I have a friend who is a psychologist working mainly with transgenders. He tells me that this information is outdated and no longer the case. It was true decades ago, but not now.

Well camfer, it's no longer required, but it's still recommended. Basically, if you have the money for the operation and all the steps involved, some doctors will proceed, but a professional doctor who cares will ask if you went for therapy before going through the great operation. Some doctors will even refuse to follow through if they haven't got any sort of a psychological report.

[Gideon]

I have a friend who is a psychologist working mainly with transgenders. He tells me that this information is outdated and no longer the case. It was true decades ago, but not now.

I agree with Cam, here...my ex who was transgender went to his therapist exactly once...he was -so- dedicated, so -certain- of what he wanted and who he was that the therapist saw no reason for them to meet further.

I would think it would depend on the specific situation, how much therapy/help is needed and how far along in the mental/emotion process of transition said person is. Some(like my ex) are already "there" other than the physical (surgeries, hormones, legalities) while others are unsure or still "on the fence". It really just depends upon the individual and which therapist you go to.

[Steve]

The bottom line Jason is that if people aren't making you feel welcome, aren't giving you constructive advice, and in general aren't supporting you at a message board/forum, unsubscribe and walk away. Those people aren't worth wasting your time.

I have left too many forums simply because it felt like a rerun of The Boys in the Band and that gay people have learned nothing in the 45 years since that film was released. Isn't it decades beyond passé to be a self loathing homosexual? And these people, instead of offering positive, or constructive criticism, would rather drag you down into self doubt and hatred with them. Misery loves company, I guess.

My fall back observation of such people is that they put others down to make themselves feel better, or superior in some bizarre way. Maybe keeping other people feeling like inexperienced dirt under a high fashion heel (that most probably don't even own) is self validation for some people.

I'm glad you vented here, and I think everyone would probably agree when I tell you that you're welcome to do it here anytime you feel like you need. I wonder if Andy has ever given any thought to a forum called Vent? Chit Chat probably suffices (although an alter-ego for Chit Chat specifically made for people who need to vent could be called Shit Shat!). Having read your post I feel like I know you a little bit better than I did before, and I glad for that.

Can I ask about the beard? I hate to be insensitive, so please just smack me with a rolled up newspaper if I am (does anyone still remember newspapers or did I just give away the fact that I'd not the young sprite I used to be?). If I'm going to be completely honest you look hot in the beard. And knowing you're in lace underwear makes me all tingly.
Maybe its that the two aspects seem so diametrically opposed that makes the idea so intriguing. Are you planning on keeping the facial fur for awhile? Have you asked yourself "Why?" in regard to the face fur, or is the beard a non issue for you?

And I'll bet I've been completely inappropriate. *waits to be smacked with and iPad showing today's edition of the New York Times*
:redface: