Cancelling plans!!

[reaper]

I suggest calling him and bringing up these questions, and see what he suggests. Effective lying is when all parties know which lies to tell. Having an agreed upon basic 'facts' goes along way at pulling the wool over most of the eyes of those observing.

I believe the word 'friend' applies in some socially acceptable way and 'met at another social occasion' also covers the 'We met at a sex dungeon'.

Not technically lies, but not actual blunt truths either.



The first is not really true, you learn a lot about people when you see them in the wild - e.g. around their friends and associates. You get to see sides of them that you do not see alone or in a sex club.

The other is easy, how would you treat a buddy/friend/casual acquaintance?

I think you are making this a bit more complicated than it needs to be. Sure you two may have expressed a possible interest in more than 'just friends' - however the reality is that if there is going to be more you need to be friends first.

This is actually an ideal situation where neither of you will feel compelled to judge the other and do the whole 'we are on a date and have to impress the other'. you two can be friendly and chatty about other things besides sex and love and all of that other type stuff.

As I've come to expect, you make some good counterpoints here.

It's true that in this kind of setting, in the wild, you would get to know about how the person is in a way outside of the isolated way I know him as of now. But the way I know him is still very new. We're still getting to know each other and our boundaries. This hangout was meant for us to get to know each other a little better on a more personal level. The group thing, a guy he's dating, and the lies I would need to tell in order to explain our relationship is a big change from the initial plan.

The way we seem to be going is for a light and fun relationship with no strings attatched. I don't think this is necessarily light, and if I'm not really comfortable with all of it, it wouldn't really be fun.

He's not my boyfriend or even a guy I'm dating...if that were the case I'd be willing to maybe go a bit further even if I weren't 100% on board, but in this situation I'm less compelled to do so.

When I say I wouldn't know how to act...this goes back to how knew things are for us. The last 2 times we hung out at the club the dynamic changed a bit. As I'm still getting to know him I brought up the idea of us hooking up in a sexual way. I could see the wheels turning and he was being a bit cautious...which was pretty cute. Then we kissed and I left soon after.

The next week, the last time I saw him, I gave him some space to not feel smothered or like I was pressuring him. Eventually we talked for quite a bit and admitted to having a crush on each other. We decided to hang out outside of the club and hook up. We both admitted we were a bit nervous about seeing each other before the night began following our talk and kiss.

So when I were to see him, do we shake hands? Should we hug? Would we be flirty the way we are in the club? I really don't know the answers to these questions. We're still getting to know each other. On a one on one level we're still learning how to be together.

That being said, I think leaping into a completely different social setting, one a bit more complex, might not be the best way to move forward.

[LJay]

Seems like you are a shy guy wo does not look like a shy guy.

If you are so thoughty about this it may be best to reschedule, but you probably should make note of the feelings it has brought up. learning how to handle yourself in a loosely made up group is a great social skill to have.

Have a great evening either way. And let your friend know ASAP.

[reaper]

Seems like you are a shy guy wo does not look like a shy guy.

If you are so thoughty about this it may be best to reschedule, but you probably should make note of the feelings it has brought up. learning how to handle yourself in a loosely made up group is a great social skill to have.

Have a great evening either way. And let your friend know ASAP.

I can be shy in some ways, although I've been pretty forward with him. But this isn't about that really.

If it was hanging out with him and a few of his friends I'd be all in. Hanging out with a group of his friends, including a guy hes dating, and having to lie to a group of people I just met about my relationship with him is a different story.

It's not my way.

But I called him earlier and told him we should reschedule. When the parade ends it would be time for me to make my way back to the bus terminal and it would be a bit crazy.

It was light and breezy, as a wise man once said, and I said I'd see him Sunday at the club. We talked briefly and that was it.

[Borg69]

I didn't read EVERYTHING in this thread, but I think you should go!!!!

So you're a little uncomfortable. He's invited you out with his friends, and with an ex being there with the inside condition you don't mention the bondage thing. You two have a secret. Innuendo. TRUST. Something he doesn't have with the Ex, and his friends. HE is taking a huge leap of faith with you as well here... don't blow it !!!! Go... have fun !!! Interact with him in a new setting and get to know the REAL him and not just some bondage fantasy. It'll be great practice for when you DO go gay dating. MAN UP, and stop waiting for utopian perfect moments that fit within your comfort zone!

[Rareboy]

^ @ Reaper

Perfect.

Now what are going out for Hallowe'en as?

Something that has red silk rope I hope.

[50Plus]

Agree with Borg. What is the worst thing that could happen if you go?

I think there was too much thinking going in to the thoughts about thinking about going out.

Shakespeare wrote"The Lady doth protest too much, methinks." In this case, it should be paraphrased to read: "The man doth think too much, methinks."

j

[Hardheaded1]

Does it have to get so complicated?

[SaintTab]

Cancel!
You know it makes sense.