I can't get over my ex dumping me I still love him

[norfolk81]

I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 10 months ago now, we were together for 18 months, we had amazingly good times together, and when we were with each other my life felt complete, but there were also some bad times, whilst we were together I caught him out cheating on a few occasions, but everytime I always forgave him and wanted to stay together with him, looking back now because I love him so much and wanted to spend my whole life with him, I always hoped that I could help him stop cheating, and commit to just being with me, he used to tell me that he loved me, and that he couldn't imagine life without me, and that he knew he was putting himself at risk meeting up with people that he hardly knew, and that he needed and wanted my help, and love and support to help him become a better person, he described it as an addiction, and that without me he couldn't stop, things started to go wrong for us at the start of this year, we split up just after new year, at the time he was making excuses about why he thought it was better that we split up and broke all contact, but I knew deep down in my mind that he had found somebody else, and it was confirmed to me by a few mutual friends that we had, I was quite angry and upset at the time, and really didn't know what to do, I still loved him deeply, and wanted to help him and make certain that he was going to be safe, but I really regret what I did next, he wasn't out to anybody in his family, and only a few close friends, and I stupidly telephoned his dad and told him that he was gay, and that I really loved his son, and wanted to be with him, I told him that I had been in a relationship with his son, and been trying to help and guide him onto the right path, but that I had been blocked out of his life, I told him that he had been taking risks, and that I was seriously worried for his safety, and didn't know where to turn to make sure I done the right thing, I asked his dad to help him and to please keep him safe, in my mind at the time I was worried that he would keep getting together with guys that he hardly knew, and potentially be risking his safety, his dad was brilliant about things and said that he would be happy for me to be in a relationship with his son, because he could see that I really cared about him, but that if his son chose to break contact with me he would ensure that he was safe, when my ex found out about the call he hated me from that point onwards for telling his dad that he was gay, he changed his telephone number, and completely cut me out of his life, I've spent this year beating myself up inside, because he is the only person I have ever truly loved, I've been told that he is still in a relationship with the guy he left me for, and that he seems happy with his life now, but I can't get over the feeling that I have lost my one and only true love, I think about him every day, and have spent this year just hoping and praying that he would get in touch once his anger calmed down, but the longer time has gone on I've kind of realised that I'm probably never going to hear from him again, I sometimes wish that I had a time machine and could go back and do things differently, but I know that I can't change the past, I don't want to let go of the love I feel for him inside, because honestly I don't know how to, even after so many months apart it still hurts just as much as the day he left me behind. I don't blame him for hating me, but inside I just wanted to try and protect him from himself, I knew I was losing him, and at the time I wanted to know that if I couldn't protect him, at least his dad would, I need advice on whether people think I should keep waiting and hoping that one day he may forgive me and comeback to me, or advice on how to finally let him go and move on with my life, I've felt so depressed for months now, and this year has felt like the longest of my life, I just don't know what I should do next, any advice would be greatly appreciated, and thanks for reading such a long thread

[Radbot42]

i wanted to read your situation, but walls of text are very hard to read. I got a little past reading he had cheated on you, and all I have to say is NEVER trust a cheater.

Just based on your topic title, I would say I was in a similar situation, but with a much shorter relation over a year ago. I was in a really dark place, and didn't know what to do with myself. I still don't, but I'm figuring out. You just need to slow down, take it one step at a time and you will figure it out. I will say when you do start to move on it will feel great. I have been feeling great after taking the steps I needed to move on. Your steps will probably be different than mine, but you'll find them.

[TwisttheLeaf]

You need to let go. He has moved on, and clearly seems happy in a long term relationship with someone else.

And honestly? Outing him like you did? I doubt he could ever trust you again, regardless of apologies involved or how badly you feel about it -or- how much you love or obsess over him. You didn't know his father. He could have walked into his parents house and been greeted with a shotgun in his face after what you did. He could have been disowned. Hell, KILLED, for what you did. You have no way of knowing how these people would react to the news. NONE. And thus, there is no acceptable excuse for it.

Work on stopping thinking about him. Stop looking him up online. Stop asking friends about him. Start focusing your mind on something else and on finding someone new. Someone who -won't- cheat on you. Clearly, he isn't the one for you if he's found happiness elsewhere that he couldn't find when he was with you.

Sorry for being blunt, but there it is.

[ChadCoxRox]

I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 10 months ago now, ... and thanks for reading such a long thread

You need to let go. He has moved on, and clearly seems happy in a long term relationship with someone else. ... Work on stopping thinking about him. Stop looking him up online. Stop asking friends about him. Start focusing your mind on something else and on finding someone new. Someone who -won't- cheat on you. Clearly, he isn't the one for you if he's found happiness elsewhere that he couldn't find when he was with you.

Sorry for being blunt, but there it is.

The feelings are sometimes SO strong that it makes you believe your thoughts about it are clear and real and so painful. Listen to TwisttheLeaf. STOP. Stopping is something you do, not something that just happens. Practice is totally needed. Lastly, DON'T do it alone!!! You don't have to be alone in your strong feelings because then you'll simply listen to yourself and likely find the process more painful and difficult than it need be. You have enough passion and care to build relationships that benefit from the work you put into letting go of the bad ones! Much love and hugs to you.

[LEANDRONJ]

I have one thing to say!

A cheater will ALWAYS be a cheater!

I had been in that situation a few times! but why did I let it pass? I can be very forgiving, but when I see a pattern in someone's character flaw, that is when the forgiving stops! it took me a few cheaters, and now that I look back, even a lack of awareness of the huge threat to my own life, by exposing myself to all kinds of STDS and all sorts of contagious minor skin diseases living with a person like that! why would anyone in the right mind have even an ounce of sympathy or feelings for a person like that is beyond me!?

norfolk81 you should count your blessings for staying away from this guy!

[East]

There are different kinds of love and they can all be difficult...as you have learned.

I think the problem might be that you failed to see him as he was and instead saw him as you hoped he would be. That is a problem ALOT of people make so at least you are in good company....

You do have to let him go and move on so instead of beating yourself up anymore (which is a colossal waste of time)...take responsibility for your part in the relationship...it can free you from it. Taking responsibility requires you to see him as he is...and see your actions as they are (sans the drama)....

BTW...you cannot save him....you never could...the only person who can save him is himself.

Oh yeah...define love. It will take a long time...but it is worth the effort.

[Hardheaded1]

i wanted to read your situation, but walls of text are very hard to read.

^This.

Help us help you. We will all donate a few idle paragraph breaks we have lying around our homes, unused. Will you use them if we send them to you?

[norfolk81]

I would like to say a big thanks, to everyone for taking the time, to read my thread, and caring enough to reply. Sorry that it was so long to read, all your replies and advice, are much appreciated, and have been very helpful to me. I will take all your help and advice onboard and start trying to move on with my life

[Rareboy]

but there were also some bad times, whilst we were together I caught him out cheating on a few occasions, but everytime I always forgave him and wanted to stay together with him, looking back now because I love him so much and wanted to spend my whole life with him, I always hoped that I could help him stop cheating, and commit to just being with me, he used to tell me that he loved me, and that he couldn't imagine life without me, and that he knew he was putting himself at risk meeting up with people that he hardly knew, and that he needed and wanted my help, and love and support to help him become a better person, he described it as an addiction, and that without me he couldn't stop,

You love a narcissistic sociopath.

After a certain point, cheating isn't just cheating....it is abuse. And that is what he has subjected you to.
And your forgiveness just enabled him to keep on abusing you. Just like if he kept hitting you with a fist.

If you don't feel that you are moving on from this destructive relationship, consider some professional counselling to help you with this.

[ChadCoxRox]

I would like to say a big thanks, to everyone for taking the time, to read my thread, and caring enough to reply. Sorry that it was so long to read, all your replies and advice, are much appreciated, and have been very helpful to me. I will take all your help and advice onboard and start trying to move on with my life

Long is easier when you break it up into smaller chunks... your's actually wasn't as bad as I've seen, but it is hard to focus on the details when it's all together in on long paragraph... to more you post the easier it will get.

And MORE important, the more you practice it (breaking it down in chunks) and pouring out here on GS, the more you'll feel supported and cared for through the wonder of it all! LOL Be good to you.