Too Flirty?

[BrianNorth]

In my opinion it's very much go with the flow. Don't give more energy then you are getting back. If someone comes on too strong it can be a huge turnoff. There is being direct and there is beyond that. People get uncomfortable with that.

[East]

I was a flirt because I worked in a gay bar for 20 years and it is a definite requirement if you want to keep your job LOL...

I don't think I flirted too much when I wasn't behind the bar...maybe a few times...

I tried not to flirt with any of the guys who had a crush on me or who wanted to date me when I knew I wasn't going to date them so they didn't think I was leading them on but I learned not to do that from experience...it is a bad idea....

When you ask if it can channel to a sexual relationship...definitely not in my case. If I flirted with you it meant I had no interest in anything more. Flirting was more about fun that any kind of seduction. Whenever I was romantically interested in someone I got shy and quiet....never flirty. Same with sexual partners...I was more direct and to the point than flirty....

[DonJon]

So much to learn about flirting from this thread. mile: I have to admit that I am a klutz when it comes to it. Either I overexploit it or just underplay. hehe.

Keep it coming guys, I like learning from the gurus. mile:

[DreamMaker]

Very interesting indeed. I learned a lot. Thank YOU!!!

[trywait]

im a lousy flirt. to add insult to injury, I cant even tell when someone is flirting with me.

[ShiftyNJ]

I think straight men in my workplace correct recognize humor, even platonic humor, tossed their way, as a form of acceptable flirtation. They enjoy being liked. It is only natural, even if they don't find other men sexually appealing.

I love (good-natured) teasing and being teased by my straight guy friends. Not talking about meanness or harassment. I agree there is an element of flirtation to it. I think because guys (especially straight-identified guys) are socialized to play their emotional cards close to their chest, so a lot of communication and getting to know each other happens through the filter of humor. If the conversation gets too heavy it makes them uncomfortable. It took me a long time to recognize the difference.

[LEANDRONJ]

In my handbook of being an adult gay man, seduction is damn close to manipulation -- is, in fact, a form of manipulation. If I can seduce you, I can get you to do what I want, whether or not it is the best thing for you is not so important to me.

So, in my handbook, seduction is counter indicative of true romance -- that is, as opposed to drama filled "romance" (romance in quotation marks).

ETA.. Maybe I should fill that out a bit… What I'm saying is that to my mind seduction leads to the kind of entanglements that become 'drama'. They may be called "romance" in the sense of "romance novel" or "soap opera," but in the end that's all they are -- drama. And, to me, "drama" isn't real romance.

I don't know if I'm making any sense at all. Probably not. :\

I think you touch a nerve that makes a whole lot of sense, that it has nothing to do with flirtation! from my understanding flirtation is all about body language and compliments to the way you look! seduction does have a darker side (maybe the word dark is a bit too harsh, as I can't find a word for it right now) oh wait..motive!!

Seduction is sort of a seemingly harmless manipulation to get what you want, by targeting the recipient's weakest needs or wants! Am I making any sense!?

[DreamMaker]

The comments here blowing my mind peeps hehe. Keep the good talk

[MikeW]

Seduction is sort of a seemingly harmless manipulation to get what you want, by targeting the recipient's weakest needs or wants! Am I making any sense!?

Yeah, you're right to focus on the motive.

Maybe it's because it is only 6AM and I've only been awake for an hour and only finished one cup of coffee so far -- but all this gets really tangled up in my head. Add to this that at my age and from my point of view, I'm so far outside the "looking to find a mate" head-set that most of you YOUNG (meaning 60 and younger) men are into, that I just can't wrap my head around it all. Plus there's the fact that everyone is going to do whatever they're going to do no matter what I or anyone else thinks, or says on an internet forum, anyway.

So what IS "seduction" apart from flirtation which more or less all of us agree is relatively "harmless"?

I've just gotten to the point that when men are flirtatious with me (flirtations alone are rare, no one has been seductive toward me in so long I don't even have a concrete memory to go on) it is a total turn off. It's happened online several times. It's like someone saying, "hello handsome," when they damn well know my name. Well, sure, I like being called "handsome" -- who doesn't? Especially when you don't feel very "handsome". But the point is, it just feels like it is being said because a) that's what they say to everyone they're momentarily interested in and b) they think that is what I want to hear, that I *want* to be flattered. Well, of course I *do* like it -- better than being either ignored or insulted, I guess -- but that's just it; if it isn't sincere, if it just a sort of come-on, it has the *opposite* effect. In fact I find it down-right irritating and if it is persistent, makes me near hostile.

Am *I* making any sense?

[East]

Yeah, you're right to focus on the motive.

Maybe it's because it is only 6AM and I've only been awake for an hour and only finished one cup of coffee so far -- but all this gets really tangled up in my head. Add to this that at my age and from my point of view, I'm so far outside the "looking to find a mate" head-set that most of you YOUNG (meaning 60 and younger) men are into, that I just can't wrap my head around it all. Plus there's the fact that everyone is going to do whatever they're going to do no matter what I or anyone else thinks, or says on an internet forum, anyway.

So what IS "seduction" apart from flirtation which more or less all of us agree is relatively "harmless"?

I've just gotten to the point that when men are flirtatious with me (flirtations alone are rare, no one has been seductive toward me in so long I don't even have a concrete memory to go on) it is a total turn off. It's happened online several times. It's like someone saying, "hello handsome," when they damn well know my name. Well, sure, I like being called "handsome" -- who doesn't? Especially when you don't feel very "handsome". But the point is, it just feels like it is being said because a) that's what they say to everyone they're momentarily interested in and b) they think that is what I want to hear, that I *want* to be flattered. Well, of course I *do* like it -- better than being either ignored or insulted, I guess -- but that's just it; if it isn't sincere, if it just a sort of come-on, it has the *opposite* effect. In fact I find it down-right irritating and if it is persistent, makes me near hostile.

Am *I* making any sense?

Me...I HATE IT when anyone compliments my appearance in any way and if it is used in flirting there is a zero chance we will ever connect. If it only lasts a second I can get through it but if they elaborate I want to scream. I will never go out with anyone who focuses on my appearance because it forces me to do it as well and I refuse. I probably have the body dysmorphia thing...I am not sure...but I think I look great when I feel great and I think I look awful when I feel awful. My self image is entirely based on how I feel versus what I see in the mirror. In that respect anyway I am the complete opposite of what people consider to be shallow. I also do not think about what other people look like and I don't like to talk about it...I base my opinion of them the same way I do myself. If I like them they look great and they could be 500 pounds with pimples or a runway model...and if I think they are an ugly person inside I think they are ugly outside...99.999% of the people I have no opinion about one way or the other.

Most people think I am full of shit when I try to explain and I did keep my mouth shut about it for many years but I finally got the nerve not to care what they thought because what I am saying is true for me and since so many convos in a gay bar were about what other people looked like I had to make a stand LOL...