angry and sex (disturbing details)

[lonelylad]

dear members,

i have this issue and i am afraid maybe it has to do something to with psychology. this thread might contain some gruesome details.

this problem does not always happen to me. only sometimes.

i tend to imagine two people who are angry are fucking each other. i know this is disgusting.

there was this one incident back in my high school where a male teacher was quarreling with another female teacher to the extent that it almost went violent.

that night i had a vision in my mind that they were fucking each other. it is not something that i enjoyed or wanted to imagine. i felt angry with myself and tried to divert my mind to something else.

another is about a bully in my middle school. he liked to verbally abuse me and also resorted to physical abuse at times. but i tend to fantasize having sex with him because he is quite good looking. ok for the bully part, i admit i enjoyed fantasizing.

is there something wrong with me psychologically? or is it just a common thing? a normal person will never think sexually about people who are angry with each other or a person who bullied them.

but this does not happen every time. i have seen many other quarrels but i have not thought anything sexually about it. also there was another bully in high school and i never fantasized about him either.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Is it the anger that turns you on? Or is it the violence? They aren't necessarily always connected.

[princealbertofb]

I don't know if it's strange but maybe it's a mental coping mechanism, that you imagine them fucking... Is fucking something positive and sensual in your mind or is it something rough, and negative? If it's rough and negative, you are just displacing feelings of anxiety towards another place of possible anxiety? Have you experienced sex? Has it been rough? Or has it been something that has soothed you? Maybe it's your way of dealing with conflict.
In truth sometimes people do make up on the pillow, so to speak, once they've had a good argument. Maybe you are very sensitive to the sensual nature of the tension of anger. Sexual tension could be very strong too, maybe that's why you don't always see anger as a sex scene, maybe only when there is sexual tension in the anger too.
I reckon that you sense that your bully likes you and maybe he can't admit it. That could also be one of the reasons why you picture yourself having intercourse with him, especially if he's hot. It is possible that he was bullying you so that he would not be accused of being gay, but maybe he is, and your gaydar is a very good one. What do you think?

[meridannight]

a normal person will never think sexually about people who are angry with each other or a person who bullied them.

wrong. at least in first person. and i don't think it's uncommon to outright fall for guys who bully you. and -- bullying does not necessarily mean anger is involved. bullying falls more under the abuse scenario, being humiliated, seen inferior, things like that. it's less to do with actual anger.

imagining people who are angry with each other having sex though, that might indicate that it's wired into the sexuality more specifically though.

for me personally, i think anger sex is fucking fantastic. it has a bit of a different energy and dynamic to it and it's great for a change. but seeing other people angry with each other does not draw an association to sex, i don't get off on that. and i don't imagine them doing anything. i could care less.

[CellarDweller]

It's possible that there's nothing wrong with you.

When you're having these thoughts or fantasies, is one person being physically harmed (un-consensual), or raped? If yes, that could be an issue, but if not, it may be just a harmless fantasy.

I remember one night a group of my friends and I were hanging out, and the topic of conversation was turned to sex.

One of the couples told a story that they had a 'date night' when they went out and had fun.....however, during a certain conversation, a disagreement started, which led to a big fight/argument.

On the drive home, they were giving each other the silent treatment, when suddenly the husband turned to the wife and said: "We're still having sex tonight, right?". This made her laugh, and when they got home, even though still angry with each other, went upstairs and had sex, and they both said it was great sex, and it got their anger out of their systems.

There's nothing wrong with 'angry sex', unless one person hurts the other.

[CuriousPhoenix]

I feel that it is normal to fantasize about angry sex with a touch of physical fight. How many times do you see in movies, TV, and books where the two lovers are fighting with each other and then the all the sudden they are all into each other. Certain fighting takes lots of passion which can cross the boundary from hate to love in an instant. Also some people are turned on by verbal sparring that occurs when fighting.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

BDSM has a subsection where power/control comes into play. Violence/Anger also comes into play. Some couples role play 'rape', some people get into 'taking' control, others get into having their control 'taken'.

Mind this is all role playing - acting, and is done in a safe environment with ground rules and the like. A majority of the role playing falls under dominance/submission be it master/slave, or doctor/patient or straight forward Dom/sub behaviors. This falls under the concept of 'Power Exchange'.

Seems to me that you have developed a thing for bullies... I am uncertain if your personal stance is healthy or unhealthy (psychologically speaking) it boils down to how you have reached this and how safe you desire to play an ultimately how it affects your self esteem. How often you must do it, if you are capable of distinguishing between fantasy and reality, if you are able to be satisfied with other sexual practices in an emotional level. And other minor things.

The Passions (heated emotions) like fear, anger, lust are all pretty animalistic and are closely related. They easily blend, their boundaries can become quite muddled.

We have basic understanding of that, this is why we have two general terms for Fucking and love-making.

Fucking is raw animal lust, usually sorta rough (harder, pounding, faster, etc are expressive terms used.)

Love-making is more about sharing, intimacy.

Sex is a complex thing for everyone. Humans have evolved socially as well as physically, thus sex as only a means to procreate has been tasked to play many other services, from bonding between mating pairs, to the connections we have of who dominates and who submits based on sexual role.

There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about stuff. One can fantasize about killing a person - this alleviates a lot of frustration and satisfies all sorts of emotional needs. But I think that most of us agree that actually committing murder isn't the wisest of things to do.

Same applies to sex. We can fantasize about brutality, but actually doing it is questionable - unless there are rules, consent between all parties involved and no one ends up dead.

The other aspect here is if this is the only way you can 'get off'. If you are so enamored of 'angry sex' that love making isn't possible for you (or other expressions of sex) then chances are rather high you have problems and need professional help.

Perhaps if you study up on BDSM Rape, Resistance Play and similar subjects you will find your niche: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=BDS...+play+rape is a start.

As for 'normal' vs 'abnormal' even the most loving of couples who consider themselves strict vanilla are not immune to 'angry sex'. Anger sparks a lot of side emotions, thus we have the term 'make-up' sex where anger is being resolved via sex.

You may actually be associating the resolution of anger, not anger itself to sex.

[Borg69]

Throughout nature aggression is a major role in choosing a mate in the animal kingdom. "Survival of the Fittest". The strongest suitors bring the healthiest offspring, enriching the gene pool and survival of your species.

What you're experiencing has been programmed into your genes for thousands/millions of years.

[Butterfingers]

Unwanted or intrusive thoughts might be a sign of O.C.D. I found by trying to block the thoughts that bothered me it made them even worse, my solution was to take no responsibility for intrusive thoughts and to ignore them, little by little it eased off, now it rarely occurs.

As for the sex with the bully, some of my best orgasms have been with that fantasy, what happens in fantasyland stays in fantasyland, learn to enjoy your imagination.

[larafan25]

I've thought about similar things, with regards to the Bully stuff. lmfao.

I wouldn't be too concerned.