Going on my first date with any guy but he's 10 years older

[Steve]

Kinda, I'm not really attracted to my fellow twinks and prefer muscle, some fat, average, or somewhat hairy guys over kidish looking guys...and lots of people around my age are twinks still.
I'm more afraid about what others will think.

I have some experience with social anxiety tyler. I understand the fear. Sometimes the best thing you can do (after checking as much as you can in regard to your own safety) is just jump. If you take too much time living the fears in your head it becomes more difficult to make any move at all.

It sounds like you know exactly what you want in a partner. Your preferences may change over time, but what is important is that you know what you're looking for now. Trust yourself here. Some guys tend to stubbornly go after the type of partner that is detrimental to their well being (serial straight guy chasers, for example). From your description you sound well adjusted, self aware and have made healthy choices regarding your desires. Allow yourself to feel good about that.

It seems that what is holding you back more than anything is fear of what others including your mom may think. While it's good to be careful, fear based decision making, even when you haven't realized it, has a paralyzing effect. My advice is to really be mindful when you're taking on issues, making decisions when they're couched in a place of fear. It is good to be mindful of your fears, but its not a house you want to live in permanently.

Instead embrace the confidence you have displayed by making your own informed choices. Showing confidence to other people will quickly quell their concerns about your choices. Not only will other people regard you more highly, self confidence based on well thought out choice will do wonders for your own self esteem.

Hi, tyler94! mile:
Take your chance and find out more about him. Don't worry about what others will say or think. What matters is what you think or feel.

And about your mom telling you that you might gonna be the woman in the relationship, did she realize that she's a woman herself? I highly respect and adore roles women perform because they maintain a fine balance in society. I don't care whether a person is dom or sub, as long as you are putting something unique and "you" in a relationship. That's what matters...

In regards to your mother, Don Jon makes an excellent point. Parents are funny that way though. They have the tendency to forget that the roles traditionally played as feminine and masculine have changed in mainstream thought drastically in the last couple of decades. Even wanting the best for their children, some parents easily fall back on decades of outdated ideals. You may have to use some new found self confidence and gently remind her that if she does place you in the feminine role in your relationship with older men, that she is also denigrating herself in her own relationship(s).

Even in heterosexual relationships men are not always dominant, women always submissive. It's a double standard to assume homosexual relationships follow that old traditional formula. There are always exceptions, but generally speaking I find the balance of roles within same sex couples tend to be a dance, full of give and take moments for different tasks, problem solving issues, and emotional stability components.

In the end you'll never know, you'll never learn from the experience, if you refuse to try. If you've done as much checking/research as you can to safe guard your own well being, it's time to jump. Enjoy the best, learn from the rest.

Oh, and don't forget to let us know how the date(s) go!

[DreamMaker]

Love people's comments here so much

[East]

My boyfriend of 30 years is 8 years younger than me. We met when he just turned 21 and I had just turned 29....

It has never been an issue for us in any way.....

[Cuddly]

My husbear is 30 years older than me. He's 55. I met him when I was 17, which is perfectly legal etc., but honestly, when I look back on it I'm a little shocked. How could he possibly fall for me? I was young and stupid.
Now I'm just stupid.

But we're still together and love each other.

Either way, my point was to say, that 20 to 30 really isn't that bad, or uncommon. In fact, I'd say he's a blessing. I like to believe my husbear helped me skip the entire gayclubbing thing, keeping me well away from dangers like STDs, drugs and whatever else can be found at nightclubs.

And about what others think... You're gay. You're a guy. You're from the US... Plenty of people will think lowly of you because of that, might as well keep doing whatever feels right and ignore what the others say.

[JackTX]

10 years seems bigger when you're 20. If you guys were 40 and 50, it doesn't seem like a big deal at all. I wouldn't worry about the age itself. See if you have things in common or make each other laugh, etc.

And my top dating advice: beware the honeymoon phase. Don't even attempt to judge the relationship's success for the first ~5 weeks. You cannot see straight during this time.

[araya]

I wouldn't mind dating hot & handsome guy in his 30-40, I have a thing or maybe a fetish w/ older men lol
I guess it's okay, as long as you go along well w/ him, why not? age is just a number :p