11-16-2014, 02:44 AM
Well its been a few weeks or so sinceI have posted, I have been busy skiing and working here and there. I told my mom that I am transgender and ever since I had told her she has been very supportive and she has sent me links to clothing places and other things like that and I have appreciated it. Love buying things that are cheap especially when it comes to female articles of clothing. Well just recently she sent me an email asking if I think I would visit San Francisco and I told her that perhaps I would in the future.
Then she started to say that if I found a job in SF that I could get my surgery paid for if I lived there through the state or something like that which I really don't understand. I know for a fact that I am transgender but I am not sure how close I am even to thinking about getting surgery or making that drastic step. I know that you are never too old to decide who and what you are but there are lots of life choices to make when it comes to changing your sex and the way that you live.
It would be a drastic move on my end to take hormones to get breasts and then the big step of getting surgery as well. I mean I really want to but then on the flipside I am scared shitless to get any of that done or even actually dress fully as a woman in public. I mean my life and what it entails now is that I work and live at a ski resort in Colorado. I am around mostly other guys and what not and I try and imagine if I was trying to live as a woman and how akward it would be to work and live in that same situation, I just can't imagine doing it.
I know that I shouldn't live like that worrying what other people think and even though I am not a social butterfly I would say that just saying hi to people by passing them in the hallways or outside or on the slopes is pretty cool and think that would be different if I were trying to become a woman. Perhaps changing my job would be the thing that I would have to do.
Then I imagine if I was taking hormones and my breasts were slowly growing and that right there would be a game changer and that I would have to start that way of living but then I thought I could also strap them down when I am working but I know that would be a pain in the ass to do and that I would want to show them off, lol.
It just seems like I am not sure if the end result will be a total transformation or if I will have to just deal with the struggles of wanting to be a woman for the rest of my life and not actually doing anything about it. I mean the things that I do in life are very manly but woman do the exact same things as well so that is just an excuse to keep putting it off.
I told my mom that I had no interest in honestly living in SF or even CA for that matter and that if I was going to live anywhere it would have to be WA, OR and or Colorado. Those are the only states that I could see myself living in. She seems to understand and she just wants be to be happy and I love that she has been so cool about all of this. I mean this is still all new to me as well.
Then she started to say that if I found a job in SF that I could get my surgery paid for if I lived there through the state or something like that which I really don't understand. I know for a fact that I am transgender but I am not sure how close I am even to thinking about getting surgery or making that drastic step. I know that you are never too old to decide who and what you are but there are lots of life choices to make when it comes to changing your sex and the way that you live.
It would be a drastic move on my end to take hormones to get breasts and then the big step of getting surgery as well. I mean I really want to but then on the flipside I am scared shitless to get any of that done or even actually dress fully as a woman in public. I mean my life and what it entails now is that I work and live at a ski resort in Colorado. I am around mostly other guys and what not and I try and imagine if I was trying to live as a woman and how akward it would be to work and live in that same situation, I just can't imagine doing it.
I know that I shouldn't live like that worrying what other people think and even though I am not a social butterfly I would say that just saying hi to people by passing them in the hallways or outside or on the slopes is pretty cool and think that would be different if I were trying to become a woman. Perhaps changing my job would be the thing that I would have to do.
Then I imagine if I was taking hormones and my breasts were slowly growing and that right there would be a game changer and that I would have to start that way of living but then I thought I could also strap them down when I am working but I know that would be a pain in the ass to do and that I would want to show them off, lol.
It just seems like I am not sure if the end result will be a total transformation or if I will have to just deal with the struggles of wanting to be a woman for the rest of my life and not actually doing anything about it. I mean the things that I do in life are very manly but woman do the exact same things as well so that is just an excuse to keep putting it off.
I told my mom that I had no interest in honestly living in SF or even CA for that matter and that if I was going to live anywhere it would have to be WA, OR and or Colorado. Those are the only states that I could see myself living in. She seems to understand and she just wants be to be happy and I love that she has been so cool about all of this. I mean this is still all new to me as well.
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Aquarius
Capricorn
![[Image: 51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg)
mile: Standing up to something that makes you happy and true to yourself. I just wish you well on your journey towards becoming yourself. Blessings! 
