A pill to make my brain more masculine?

[ShiftyNJ]

So let me get this straight (sic):

"I want to take a pill to make my brain like stuff I could currently care less about, just to please some man I haven't met yet"




The relevant part of that is what she says in the beginning.

No man. In the world. Is worth compromising who you are. I sympathize with you because many of us have been there, but -- as others are saying in different ways -- you can't expect a guy to like you if you don't like yourself. Guys - especially in the initial stages - are looking for someone who is confident and fun.

Oh, and get the hell out of bars and find folks who share your interests, even if it is not a dating situation (probably better if it isn't, until you sort some of this stuff out) you will be in a better frame of mind than standing alone in a bar, which again will show you in a better light.

[Virge]

My suggestion? Join the marines. I don't know about Reaper but you should have seen what a flamer Virge was before he joined up!

[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]Argggggggggggggghhhhhh!! I have been outed!
I need a mall
retail therapy and new shoes
these boots hurt[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[ShiftyNJ]

My suggestion? Join the marines. I don't know about Reaper but you should have seen what a flamer Virge was before he joined up!

[MikeW]

[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]Argggggggggggggghhhhhh!! I have been outed!
I need a mall
retail therapy and new shoes
these boots hurt[/COLOR][/SIZE]

See what I mean, humongous Size 7 Red BLOCK letters and shit? He couldn't be less masc if he tried.

[ShiftyNJ]

So I was trying to find the band called "Straight Guy/Gay Guy" that I referenced in my own lamenting thread about how complicated my own brain makes my life, and found this article:

"Gay men love straight men because we are afraid to be gay. We are afraid of effeminacy, difference or any self-presentation that isn’t inherently and unquestionably masculine. Masculine gays are tops and femme guys are bottoms, period. Or so the stereotypes go. Even within my friend group we describe tops as “toppy” (masculine) and bottoms as “bottomy” (feminine). It’s a fun, convenient way to get the point across!"

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I don't really agree with the latter part since he's sort of contradicting himself/perpetuating this myth, but the top part is, I think, important for the OP to explore. WHY do you think changing your mannerisms and interests is going to get you what you want? Wouldn't it be better to find someone to love you for your genuine self? Keeping on the pill metaphor, what would happen if you snag some dude with your adopted persona and then either skip a day or your "scrip" runs out (e.g. you've been drinking, you're tired, or you just plain forget) and suddenly you open your mouth and a purse falls out? Is that fair to him?

Seriously, be who you are, and make friends who love that person. Attraction will come when you are more honest and comfortable with the real you.

[East]

Sorry, but there is no such thing and you have to make do with what you are and have. Instead of wishing you were interested in stuff like sports, cars etc., why don't you try to make friends who like the same things you do? You don't tell us what your interests are, but I'm sure there's something other people are interested in too.

Your second post worries me, where you're dividing up all NY men into 2 categories. Let me be blunt here, almost nobody likes an obnoxious queen with attitude. Badmouthing others to build yourself up may be a defense mechanism of yours, but it's a very ugly trait.

I wasn't going to say it though I thought the same thing and left the thread initially...BUT... since you did say it...I think it bears repeating...

It seems to me that the OP is guilty of the same behavior he doesn't like in others...very common...and you don't need a pill to overcome it. All you need is a touch of awareness and a desire to change that kind of thinking and attitude....

[Hardheaded1]

The New York City guys are stuck-up as fuck though. They think they're hot shit and won't have anything to do with me. There's really two types of guys:

1) Attractive guys
2) Ugly and/or desperate guys

I can't get a 1 even though I really need one, and all the 2 guys think I'm easy to get when I'm really not. So yeah that's that.

I'm sorry, but I have to believe you are catching the wrong fish because you're using the wrong bait.

NYC is a pretty damned big pond.

It sounds more like you are assessing guys on a superficial level, and then losing in the exchange when the same happens to you in return.

There are middle class people in this country who can only look at the rich and want to be there themselves. They develop a contempt of the middle class, and the poor. Their values have been skewed along materialistic lines. No doubt there are also people who judge the world on the beauty scale. They often develop a similar contempt for their peers.

Your description indicates it's all about looks for you. One thing is for sure: if you are finding good looking guys who won't give you the time of day to even learn who you are, you are obviously targeting the same superficial guys who are apparently rating you beneath them. It's a bit of poetic justice.

Examine how you meet guys, where you go to find them, and where. Evaluate your values. Figure out what makes a happy person happy. It is rarely physical appearance.

[Virge]

That right there. You need to do what makes you happy. Before you can be with someone you need to be happy with being yourself. I know it sounds like some Oprah bullshit but trying to force yourself to like things you don't is a waste of time. I think the harder you look the more you'll find complex gay people that have way more to them then stereotypes. I listen to heavy metal, grunge, hard rock etc and dress like it but spend my downtime making youtube videos and playing videogames. I've also been in a relationship with a guy much more 'typical' as he's a little blonde twink for pushing 3 years. Just be happy with yourself and you'll get whatcha want.

Brian !!!!!! you lit up my brain with that...and made me remember something I did in a lyceum for gay teens last year.... They wanted to know how to meet guys...or girls and all the "real" adults were giving all these lame long answers and I hada spontaneously perfect thought and took overt he show.

I started them telling about when they were small and had a secret they wanted tell but wanted others to coax them into telling it....

All of them started telling about the ways they'd done and there were lots of laughs and then when they were all through... I said...

OKAY.. so now we have that out of the way... meeting the guy you want to meet works the same way. Except the secret you want to tell is about them... and how you feel about them.

For them it was big group AHA and they sat there and talked about it and the rest of the program went out the window.
______________________________________________________________________________________

and since MikeW is being mean to me and my type preferences... I'm going to my room...all alone... with the door shut... and sulk, listen to Tori Amos and write poetry about myself.

MikeW is a Typophobic typist hater.

[Doofus89]

There's no such thing a magic pill to make you more masculine. Neither is there one to make you lose weight. Sorry, I've looked for it :/

But, the thing is: There's tons of reasons why we are how we are. For instance, I'm a dude. Like a dude dude. My best bud and I grew up fuckin shit up! Riding bikes we did everything you could think of! I almost got sent to the hospital one time because I lost control of my bike going down the sand pits and when I fell at the end my head landed right next to a circle of jagged rocks. Possibly could have killed me. I also, grew up with the notion (I was raised in a fairly "old school" Italian household) that men act a certain way and women act a certain way. The was all courtesy of my mother and grandmother before anyone jumps to conclusion.

We are who we are. And if someone, anyone, out there can't respect you for who you are. Then fuck them. They're a waste of your time. And New York is a MASSIVE place (I know, I live in the state to the east of you). If you can't find someone right for you in New York then we can't help you. But there's someone for everyone. Or maybe move? To a smaller state?

[LJay]

Oh for lord's sake! Just kick your shoes off, have a couple of beers and chill!