He's too over-touchy... and I don't like it

[Anonymous]

This might not seem a problem for some or this might sound even silly but still. I'm together with my boyfriend for 2 years and his behavior irritates me more and more every day. He touches me all the time and not only in the bed. For example, I standing in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning or something and he just comes, hugs me from behind and doesn't let me go and do whatever I wanted to do. Or if I'm in the bathroom shaving, he comes and does the same EVERY morning, that's right, every. When we're sleeping, he always hugs me so tightly that it's uncomfortable. He knows I don't like sleeping in a hug, it gets hot and uncomfortable. When I'm in a bad mood, I want to be left alone and his affection just makes me to be more mad. Wherever we're going he always has to hold my hand or hold me around the waist. Whenever I sit down for a minute he always comes to hug me and hold me and it seems that he could do that forever. When he started dating, this seemed kind of cute to me, now it's too much.

I mean, does it mean I'm a bad boyfriend? I don't mean to push him away but I guess I don't need so much love, he obviously does. How can we find a compromise about that, how do I tell him that his physical touching is ok but not for every single minute.

[Hardheaded1]

Both of you need a bit of help.

A dissonance in love languages can be a pretty big deal. It seems a bit odd that it has taken two whole years to get to this point.

Is there a reason why the affection irritates you? Is it simply smothering, or is it more about the perception of neediness?

You certainly need to tell him, but first you need to understand very well where your feelings are coming from. Is it a matter of growing apart? Is it possible you are not physically affectionate enough, so he is having to always initiate contact? Do you ever hug him?

Once you're ready, you can break it down and speak to him without malice, explaining your feelings.

[araya]

this is deep
I like to cuddle but when it becomes annoying, just say it to your boyfriend
my ex's like that, I usually told him to stop when it gets uncomfortable, if he keeps on doing it, I'll pinch his genital

[Beaux]

I agree with Hardheaded on this; there are always factors from both parties involved in situations like this. Have you become less affectionate, causing him to feel less secure and there for seeking you affection more?
Decided, honestly, where you are coming from, then decided how you want to handle this situation.
Personally, I get the impression that there is more to this than you are telling us. Often when one partner is feeling smothered, they are actually expressing their own desire to leave the relationship.
Just something to think about...
~Beaux

[Borg69]

Relationships aren't on your terms only... nor should they be on his, only. You guys need to find a common ground where you're both comfortable.

He's probably a bit too clingy, and you might be the type that thinks affection is only a prerequisite for sex.

Life is short... if he loves you and isn't afraid to show it you should consider yourself lucky.

[East]

I froze up everytime my BF touched me except when we were having sex or kissing for at least four years...maybe longer....

..and I told him many times I was uncomfortable...

...but he wore me down after awhile and 30 years later we are both very affectionate with each other.....

My point...what you are comfortable with could change. I know a lot of couples never touch each other at all after awhile and they are fine with that....

Maybe talk to him about it openly....

[meridannight]

it's not about needing or not needing love. this is simple physical affection. some people are more comfortable with it than others.

i love it. i love to touch a guy, physical connection is paramount to me. i can't imagine having a problem with it unless i didn't find the guy attractive. then, of course, i do not want to be in physical contact with him. and to add to this line of thought: i strongly agree with what Beaux said. not liking physical contact might be an indication that you do not, in fact, fully want the relationship with him (anymore).

i don't know if your boyfriend is too clingy or whether you have a problem with physical affection. it's difficult to tell from your writing.

does physical touching bother you just with your boyfriend or do you have some universal aversion to guys physically touching you? if it's just your boyfriend, then his affection might be a bit too much, or there might be some emotional content there to it that you find a turn-off. if it's a universal aversion, then the issue lies with you and whatever the reason you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

No, guys, it's not about our relationship being bad or something, I love him and I want to be with him and I know he feels the same way towards me. But it's just that...he's like glued to me and I don't really like that. I like physical affection and I like to show a person I love him, but no one of the guys I've been together with has ever been so affectionate with me. We made love, kissed, etc. but they let me have some privacy ,some time alone. But now he's with me everywhere, holding me in his arms af if I could dissapear. When I would like to read a book alone, he comes and cuddles around me all.the time. That's what makes me angry.

[meridannight]

okay, well have you actually told him anything about this? has he ignored it, or is he completely in the dark about this thing? he needs to know and you need to talk to him about it. it's perfectly okay to want some alone time, i understand that. but you are not in a relationship with me. talk to your partner.

[Steve]

Take an hour or so and write down exactly what is bothering you. Nothing long and complex, but bullet points. And don't leave anything out because sometimes the least important or oddest bit of information can be a unknown point of contention or miscommunication.
Think about how you want to approach your partner with this discussion. Remember, you've been together long enough to know exactly what buttons to press to start a fight and you both need to avoid those buttons. This isn't a confrontation, it is a carefully guided negotiation between two people who love each other and need to resolve an issue. You talk. He listens. He talks. You listen. Respect one another. Discussion, compromise, common ground.

Now go talk to your partner. And remind him you love him.