Guys,Help.

[abcd1234]

I posted an earlier thread about this a few weeks ago and I'm afraid i have the same problem.My boyfriend of a month has a problem with hygeine.To put it bluntly his ass smells.Tonight we were on the couch and when he got up I got a whiff. It was gross.I've noticed this on several other occasions.I know he showers because i was there once when he did.However I think he showers in the morning and possibly has to have a bowel movement during the day and maybe after wiping it becomes stale back there.Although today when he came to my house he said he woke up very tired and he looked like he hadn't shaved and now I suspect hadn't showered either. The thing is in all other ways he's wonderful.He treats me like a prince.He's very old fashioned and knows how to love and respect me.He's everything i want in a man. His car is also full of stuff on the seats and the floor.His house is cluttered and he dosen't seem to realize there's loose change lying on the floor.I have to say he's a sloppy guy.Also last week when i went to pee in his bathroom there was a few loose particles of shit floating in the toilet. I know when i expect somebody i make sure my bowl is spotless.We are taking things slow and we havn't had sex yet but he wants to real soon.I really care for him and he makes me more happy than any other guy has but his slovenly ways and the odor are a major turn off. I find it very hard to broach this subject with him and i don't want to hurt him because he's so good to me.I offered to help him get rid of clothes he dosen't need and he said that would be great but i don't know what to do about the smell.Please let me know your ideas on this.I don't know how to handle this.Thank you.

[East]

How about taking a sensual shower together when you go over at night. Tell him it is a turn on for you...

[araya]

try talking nicely to him, I think he'll understand nothing can't be solved with a warm heart to heart convos
can you imagine if someone else coming to his house the way it is now, you'll save him from embarassment lol
I will hang myself if my house get so dirty and smelly when my guests are already in front of my door

[Steve]

Good Grief.

He can't read your mind, so you're going to have to talk to him. It doesn't have to be a confrontation, you don't need to accuse him of hygiene crime, but you are either going to have to talk to him, or put up with the stench. It's never going to be much of a relationship if you can't be honest and talk with each other.

East has a great idea. Lure him into the shower.

Look, I know its scary asking something of someone else in a new relationship. I realize how afraid you must be to reveal some of yourself, about what you think, and telling him about your needs. But that's the nature of love sweet pea. It's a scary ass thing opening up and talking honestly, being intimate and sharing your body, his body. It's scary because he could reject you and break your heart. Love isn't easy. Trusting someone else in this world with all your secrets, all your hopes, fears, dreams, and desires and hoping he will still want you when all is said and done is how it works.

Now go talk to him. And remind him that you think he's pretty great.

[LONDONER]

I know that you don't have bidets in the States but as others have suggested, lure him in to the shower and try to teach him that it's nort sufficient just to wash the exposed parts of the body, between the buttocks is also very important. Maybe you can do this by example. However well someone treated me, a lack of personal hygiene would be a real turn off.

[Hardheaded1]

A couple of things.

I know when i expect somebody i make sure my bowl is spotless

This implies your concern is as much about bourgeois values as it is hygiene. Appearance of respectability is more important than actually keeping the bathroom clean as a standard of hygiene. I mention this, as it is as much a factor in your anxiety as your lover's actual hygiene is.

I grew up in a home where my beloved grandmother was indeed a clutterer, and also had personal hygiene issues derivative of her having a fistula from a former pregnancy. There were other factors, but smell was a problem. Guess what? Being loved is the most important thing, and I had that, and so do you. Thank your stars/universe/Creator for that.

In your case, his hygiene is merely a matter of personal habits. Those can be changed. When you have your conversation with him, and you are going to have it, remind him how great you two are for each other. But, tell him that doesn't mean there aren't some things to work out. All couples have these things. Tell him that housekeeping is important to you, and that you will help him, as love helps those who are needing help. Remind him that it is just that you two come from different places about cleaning up, and that you'd like to be nearer the same level. Confess that you let things get behind as well, but that you catch up more often. That's really the truth, isn't it?

Remember that it isn't your goal to throw away all his stuff. It's your goal to get it to a place that both of you can stand it. If he wants stuff with him in his car, you may just need to ask him to keep it in the trunk, or at least in one floorboard behind the seat. If he wants to go further for you, then he will.

Ask him if he enjoys the house better when it is all clean and neat. Very few people really want to live in a nest.

Segue to the topic of bodily hygiene. Just tell him that different strokes for different folks, and you love the smell of clean. Some men love sweat and funk, others don't. Gay men have a particular problem in that anal sex requires extra hygiene. Let him know what you do and tell him you want him to tell you if you are ever smelly when he wants to do something romantic. Tell him you appreciate it when a close friend tells you if your breath is bad but you may not have noticed.

Good luck.

[meridannight]

maybe he's dropping subtle hints at you that he's into scat. so you better start preparing for that now.

i'm not buying this story. i checked out some other stories you've posted on these forums, and in one of them you claimed one of your old friends you used to hook up with had no teeth; then the story about that woman who dirtied your bathroom, that was you as well. boy do you attract some real disgusting people, don't you? more than once.

so i'm guessing you're 7? you got bored of the video games or are you one of those prematurely perverted kids (i know one kid who is, so that's not a stretch of my imagination)? or you're some religious nut, or some other genre of fanatic whose aim appears to be portraying gay males (or men who have sex with men) in some disgusting light you can come up with. your other stories aimed at the same mark. whatever you make of it, what they all have in common are elements of decadence and morbid obsession/fascination with defecation and farting. you're the one with a problem here. whatever's up in your head, it's not pretty.

[araya]

maybe he's dropping subtle hints at you that he's into scat. so you better start preparing for that now.

i'm not buying this story. i checked out some other stories you've posted on these forums, and in one of them you claimed one of your old friends you used to hook up with had no teeth; then the story about that woman who dirtied your bathroom, that was you as well. boy do you attract some real disgusting people, don't you? more than once.

so i'm guessing you're 7? you got bored of the video games or are you one of those prematurely perverted kids (i know one kid who is, so that's not a stretch of my imagination)? or you're some religious nut, or some other genre of fanatic whose aim appears to be portraying gay males (or men who have sex with men) in some disgusting light you can come up with. your other stories aimed at the same mark. whatever you make of it, what they all have in common are elements of decadence and morbid obsession/fascination with defecation and farting. you're the one with a problem here. whatever's up in your head, it's not pretty.

excuse me, I was having dinner and then I read your post
now I lost my apetite but well, I'm amused

[palbert]

I have read your earlier threads and posts.

Your obsession with anal hygiene, smells, and product is not healthy. I suggest counseling.

Or a new source of drama, for I think you're trolling.

[ShiftyNJ]

I's a scary ass thing opening up