Gays and "not my type"

[kschae]

So I've recently been reaching out and trying to date by using grindr and tinder. A common aspect I have always run into is usually guys I'm not into are like "You are so hot." and guys that I am into ALWAYS say "you're not my type." I have literally been told this by countless men. Everyone's type seems to be muscular, and I'm just not that. There never seems to be any middle ground. Anyone else have this happen to them? Any advice?

[Bhp91126]

That is one of the most common observations gay people make when they try dating online.

Guys who are hot want to date other hot guys. To be attractive to hot guys you must become a guy you would like to date. So, if you're into muscles then get your ass into the gym.

Also, online should only be one method of how you meet guys. If there are gay organizations, sports-teams etc where you live, go join something that you'd enjoy. Not only will you make friends that way, you will also meet hot guys when they do what they enjoy.

[Borg69]

Shallow, superficial guy's use grind'r - for the most part. You're not likely to find Mr.Right there. It's a hookup app. Try a dating site like OkQupid.

[Virge]

Guys who are hot want to date other hot guys. To be attractive to hot guys you must become a guy you would like to date. So, if you're into muscles then get your ass into the gym. Also, online should only be one method of how you meet guys. If there are gay organizations, sports-teams etc where you live, go join something that you'd enjoy. Not only will you make friends that way, you will also meet hot guys when they do what they enjoy.

^^^ That's about all you need to know and do

[jogu656]

OMG AMEN!!! I bump into that, when i was fat i was rejected for being too fat or not attractive, now i lost weight i get rejected because they claim im too skinny or too attractive (which BTW i dont see), I even bump into that just to meet and make friends, ive been on friendly dates and somehow there is a standard for making friends like the clothes you wear, how you look, call me crazy but at least friendships should go past the physical, i understand dating since it can lead to sex and well you have to have an attraction but really friendships need a certain look???? LOL it puzzles me how gays are sooooo shallow and sometimes they themselves dont fit their own standards LOL

[Steve]

The inherent problem with using the internet to meet men is that you're not getting all the immediate information you need in order to make an educated decision about whether you're interested in him, and he you. Within the first couple of minutes of meeting a person face to face you will have a more honest, more complete picture of the person standing in front of you than is ever possible when attempting to meet people online.

Most people want to present their best side when posting profiles online and the anonymity of the internet provides the perfect one way glass with which to hide all the flaws they don't want you to notice. Even when people are honest most of them don't have the skill set needed to write effectively, thus they may not be able to place emphasis on details.

The short answer is to stop using the internet as a means to screen potential hook-ups or dates. Meet men in person.

If you do decide to keep using online applications, be prepared if the person you meet rejects you. It is easy to build up an image of the person you think you're going to meet from an online description and picture. Often the person you meet is going to fall short of that expectation.

As for men rejecting you based upon your physicality, it is unfortunate, but its also been the way men choose hook-ups or dates for many years. It is difficult to find a guy who is willing to get to know the person you are emotionally and intellectually rather than the guys who make an immediate judgement call based upon how you look. Gay men are a fickle bunch in that regard; its usually all about the exterior when guys first meet, even just to date.

Don't give up, but be prepared for rejection. Remember that chances are very good if a guy rejects you based upon first sight, you probably don't want to get to know him any better than you already have.

[Camfer]

The thing about the internet is, people are attracted to a picture or they are not. It's not like they are attracted to *you* or not. I wouldn't put much weight into whether or not someone is attracted to a picture.