Can only maintain erections with a dominant guy in bed

[jayhiller21]

I find it very frustrating that I can only maintain my erection when I am clearly the submissive partner in bed. I'll be having an awesome time with a super cute guy and then we will get into bed, but if there is no clear power differential, it just won't stay up. To be fair, I love getting dominated in bed. However, the idea of sex with no clear power differential is very appealing. I have been watching primarily straight porn for 6 years (I am 21), and almost always watch male-dominant videos. I am not sure if anyone thinks this is related, but I am just annoyed because I really don't know any other gay people in my situation. Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions, or if anyone thinks that quitting porn might reduce my need to be dominated in bed.

[DawnArmy]

I don't really know about you, but for me I always fantasize being dominated.

[Steve]

I don't know if you're addicted to porn or not. It sounds like you've had some "real life" encounters with guys so I'd say that you're probably not overly dependent on porn. Young guys watch a lot of porn. At least I did. I still do sometimes. As I said to someone earlier, a nice wank with some good porn can be such a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows in front of a roaring fire on a cold night, ya know?

You don't know any other gay people who love being dominated? Really? I'm versatile so I don't care which end is up as long as someone's (mine, or his, or his, or his, or his...) package is delivered. But I have known many men who only want to be dominated (the "this is my first time" crowd to "Sweet Polly Purebred lashed to a St. Andrew's Cross" crowd, from sea to shining sea). Even if you don't want to carry it this far, there is a whole subset of the gay sex crowd who love to dress in lacy underclothes, panty hose, even high heels and then get pounded twelve ways to Sunday.

Whatever your flavor, you're not alone in your desire.

There nothing wrong with taking the passive role. Think of your dick as a barometer that tells you what turns you on and pay attention to it. If being manhandled is what turns you on, you're well ahead of a lot of guys who don't know what they want (or can't be honest with themselves about what they want in bed, in the elevator, in the department store dressing room, etc.).

There's no shame in this lovey. Lay back and enjoy the thrashing. Just make sure the guy you're with knows your limits. It's all well and good to be manhandled, but abuse is another beast altogether.

[jayhiller21]

Wow, thanks Steve! I just find it annoying that my sexual fantasy is to be dominated, but I want to be versatile. I guess I can't really change my sexual fantasies in bed any more than I can from gay to straight and I just learn to accept them.

[MisterLove]

If the guy is not an idiot and I like him, he can call me his bi***.

[Steve]

[MENTION=22020]jayhiller21[/MENTION]
Limitations can be annoying I suppose, although its difficult to imagine something you find pleasurable (sort of the height of internal physical ecstasy) could also be such a closed door as it seems. Still, you're young. It is possible that you haven't met the type of guy you might want to top. If you're only looking at hyper masculine guys, which is obviously your first choice, then logically you might want to look at guys a little less alpha male.
I'm not suggesting young and feminine, but perhaps someone around your age, masculine yet possessing a less dominating figure. Think about who you might be able to connect with at an equal level sexually. It's all about retraining the eye to look twice at someone you might have normally passed over for your usual preferred type of man. Find something interesting about that kind of guy... There's always something that sets people apart from one another. Image removing his clothes, a piece at a time...

Ok, I'm not going any more vivid than that. But does this help? Do you see what I'm suggesting?

[Rareboy]

I have had trouble staying hard with some guys if they were expecting me to top.....performance anxiety maybe? Or I would be thinking about how much I wanted to bottom....the sensation was so much more pleasurable for me.

But with my long time partner....it was never a problem.

[Virge]

Whatever your flavor, you're not alone in your desire.

There nothing wrong with taking the passive role. Think of your dick as a barometer that tells you what turns you on and pay attention to it. If being manhandled is what turns you on, you're well ahead of a lot of guys who don't know what they want (or can't be honest with themselves about what they want in bed, in the elevator, in the department store dressing room, etc.).

There's no shame in this lovey. Lay back and enjoy the thrashing. Just make sure the guy you're with knows your limits. It's all well and good to be manhandled, but abuse is another beast altogether.

Steverino got it right. All I have to add is that once you get past dating around and meet up with someone you want to be serious with what the barometer does can be freaky. It'll start going off for weird things at weird times. Yesterday I got to thinking about a conversation me and my guy had while shopping groceries when he was here a few weeks ago and got a woody that wouldn't go away. When we go to my parents to eat he can't sit across from me where it's easy for me watch him while he talks cuz I'll sprout wood. The barometer analogy is the way to look at it.

[LJay]

At the ripe age of 21, don't forget that you have lots of time to experience and learn and refine and even adapt and modify your style. Stop worrying and enjoy your life.

[Lexington]

When a guy finds out that he only enjoys sex in a wading pool of vanilla pudding, his main thought shouldn't be "what's wrong with me?". It should be "where should I put the wading pool, and where can I get a discount on vanilla pudding?"

Lex