my head hurts

[araya]

I've been meeting a man for 2 weeks, well, he's a 44 years old man (he looked like a man in his early 30s in person)
I think he's a good man, we've been meeting like 8 times in this 2 weeks (mostly talking about ourselves)
he's a white collar worker, he worked in a multinational company in my city, and he's half australian (kinda figured out from his deep australian accent the first time we met)
the 1st time we met, he brought a gift for me, from the looks of it, it ain't something cheap. I refused the gift and well tell him not to give anything to me the next time we meet because it bothers me
I kinda met him like an hour ago, he texted me out of nowhere and invited me to dinner (I declined because he picked a fancy restaurant and I kinda picked a less fancy restaurant where you can wear casual clothes in it)
he said he wanted to us to have a serious relationship, and he said he gonna give me time to think
tonight he tell me things he haven't told me in our earlier dates, he's a divorcee with 2 sons, his eldest son is 15y.o., they currently living with their mother. I'm pretty surprised to this.
I really can't imagine dating a man with kids, I can't imagine his sons' reaction if they found out his dad dating someone 22 years younger and a guy on top of that
well, I never know how it's like to have a father but well, I kinda can imagine that
I know it's just me worrying too much or me being asshole-ic to not be able to fully accept someone's condition
but I really am confused right now, he gotta go for a business trip and comeback in 1 week, and he told me to think about it.

[Darius]

From how you describe it, it doesn't sound like the relationship is all that serious...you barely know each other. It sounds like you both have some issues to work through. You never knew a father and he has responsibilites as a father. Has he said if he is bisexual or in the closet or what? If his family knows he is not straight and honest about things, then why worry about him having children and being older than you, especially if you like him. Don't make problems where none exist. On the other hand, take things slowly.

[BrianNorth]

Gotta go what you are comfortable with. I also don't see you commenting on much how you feel about him. If he lights up your life then you should attempt to accept his past. You can always backout later if things get too emotionally heavy with the baggage he has in his closet.

We allll have baggage in our past. Some more then others but every relationship has its hurdles. Mostly just your decision if you want a relationship with him.

[Rareboy]

Snap out of it.

Either you like this guy enough to have a relationship or you don't.

It seems to me that you don't or you wouldn't even be doing or saying half the stuff you are. If you really liked him, you would gladly accept his gifts....you would gladly go out to dinner wherever he invited you...you wouldn't really care about him being divorced with children.

Stop overthinking this. You are the one who should know instinctively whether you want to have a relationship with this man. None of us can make that decision for you or even tell you what is the best course of action. If you aren't comfortable with him, then don't date him. Simple.

[araya]

From how you describe it, it doesn't sound like the relationship is all that serious...you barely know each other. It sounds like you both have some issues to work through. You never knew a father and he has responsibilites as a father. Has he said if he is bisexual or in the closet or what? If his family knows he is not straight and honest about things, then why worry about him having children and being older than you, especially if you like him. Don't make problems where none exist. On the other hand, take things slowly.

I know two weeks is a bit too fast but well, I guess it's enough for me to like him and all that
he's been dating guys, mostly younger and none of them worked
I can't say he's in the closet but he came out to few people, to his friends, his ex-wife and he decided to keep this matter secret to his children
his family isn't very accepting so he decided not to tell them, but he suspected that his family already knew
he's not a kind of man who sugar-coat everything that he says, he's very straightforward and honest

Gotta go what you are comfortable with. I also don't see you commenting on much how you feel about him. If he lights up your life then you should attempt to accept his past. You can always backout later if things get too emotionally heavy with the baggage he has in his closet.

We allll have baggage in our past. Some more then others but every relationship has its hurdles. Mostly just your decision if you want a relationship with him.

as I stated above, I like him he's a very good man
he's so mature and can really deal w/ a brat like me
he's so composed and well, has a really charming smile
I feel comfortable around him
but well, I want to know him better

Snap out of it.

Either you like this guy enough to have a relationship or you don't.

It seems to me that you don't or you wouldn't even be doing or saying half the stuff you are. If you really liked him, you would gladly accept his gifts....you would gladly go out to dinner wherever he invited you...you wouldn't really care about him being divorced with children.

Stop overthinking this. You are the one who should know instinctively whether you want to have a relationship with this man. None of us can make that decision for you or even tell you what is the best course of action. If you aren't comfortable with him, then don't date him. Simple.

I like him, the thing is I just want to know him better
doing dates, talking about ourselves
not like I can't accept gifts or not going to dinner at the place he picked
but well, I don't wanna be treated like his mistress or like how rotten he spoils the other guys he's been dating previously
I know maybe he didn't think that way, but I still can't

well, you know! overthinking things is one of my specialties, I always unnecessarily think things through though I know I don't have to worry about it

[AlfredM]

Yeah,you're overthinking. I overthink too,but sometimes I simplify my thought for my sake. You should focus more on him rather than his kids. That will be something in the long distance in the future to worry about,and if you do reach that point,I don't think it should matter much.

[araya]

Yeah,you're overthinking. I overthink too,but sometimes I simplify my thought for my sake. You should focus more on him rather than his kids. That will be something in the long distance in the future to worry about,and if you do reach that point,I don't think it should matter much.

I really want to take things slowly, knowing him a little more
I really wanna know how's his true nature (by pissing him off maybe but I might regret it)
but he seems to be the type that'll date someone whom he likes and likes him back right away
and well, I know I shouldn't really think about his kids but well, I kinda have this feeling of guilt towards them

[Virge]

Real simple.

If you like the guy enough his having kids will become a small problem.
If you don't like him enough you'll see more problems than possibilities.

[araya]

Real simple.

If you like the guy enough his having kids will become a small problem.
If you don't like him enough you'll see more problems than possibilities.

you know, I have a standard, when you no longer use sarcasm in your post and I think you're right then the other party must be really wrong (no offense lol)
and well in this case, the other party is me

well about the kids, I guess I don't need to worry about them now
I think I need more time and add the frequencies of our meeting so I can make sure of this feelings I have for him, do I really like him or I'm just swayed by his pace

[Lexington]

You don't have to give him a "yes" or "no". You can give him a counteroffer. "I like what I know about you so far, but I'd like to date you awhile longer to see if I really want to make this a permanent thing."

Lex