Closeted relationship hurts

[EpicTravis]

Okay, so my boyfriend is not completely out the closet, but all of his close friends and family know. He dated his ex boyfriend for a few months and decided to integrate his ex boyfriend into his family. They broke up after 8 months. They have been separated for about 3 years now, but his ex boyfriend still attend his family gatherings/activities. They are both really good friends which I don't mind.

My boy friend and I have been in a relationship for a year and a half now. I was just (on Easter) introduced to some of his family members. I get the feeling that he does not want to integrate me. It makes me feel unloved. If I was out, I wouldn't try to hide him from anyone. Any advise?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

3 years you say... So two years single? Any relationships in that time?

I'm going to guess (wildly) and say no there wasn't any relationships. FWB, casual sex doesn't count.

I think he is over correcting for past errors. He met a guy, fell in love, introduced him to the family right off - most likely with stars in his eyes proclaiming 'I have found The One' 8 months later bang its over.

If he didn't try any relationships (again casual sex doesn't count) in the those years between you and the ex, then that strongly supports the over correcting and being super cautious.

IDK how his family operates, how accepting they are of his homosexuality or his lovers. Perhaps one of them said something along the lines of 'See, this is why you need to put this stage of your life behind you and find a nice girl'....

Something like that, said in a kindly manner can make a guy determined to not appear to be having serial relationships, and want to make damn certain that the next BF he gets involved with is a LTR and not a fling. Even being very nice and understanding - reminding him over and over again of his failure, out of their attempt to make him feel better can push him to be more careful.

Break-ups are, amongst other things, embarrassing. No one like to be a failure at anything, failing a relationship is hard core doing it in front of family makes it worse.

Since he has started introducing you to family now... I suspect that he will continue to introduce you to more.

You just make damn sure 8 months from now you are still dedicated to him, or you will really screw up his mental/emotional health. Yeah he most likely that delicate.

[EpicTravis]

Yes your assumption was correct, no he hasn't been in any other relationship.

I think you are right. He has mentioned things like "now that you met so and so you better not dump me". I even asked him was it the fear of me dumping him that made him keep me away. He replied no, but you know men and their ridiculously huge pride/ego.

Another thing, his ex boyfriend was extremely needy so he couldn't really live the double life he does when he is with me.

I know that him keeping me a secrete from his family/friends probably has nothing to do with me, but I can't help but take it personally, given the fact that, his ex boy friend was never a secrete and his ex boy friend is like a part of his family now.

me whining * I WANT TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY NOT THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRETE :'(

thanks bowyn

[CellarDweller]

Well, if he introduced you to his family on Easter, you're not his dirty little secret.

[EpicTravis]

not anymore I guess.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yes your assumption was correct, no he hasn't been in any other relationship.

I think you are right. He has mentioned things like "now that you met so and so you better not dump me". I even asked him was it the fear of me dumping him that made him keep me away. He replied no, but you know men and their ridiculously huge pride/ego.

Another thing, his ex boyfriend was extremely needy so he couldn't really live the double life he does when he is with me.

I know that him keeping me a secrete from his family/friends probably has nothing to do with me, but I can't help but take it personally, given the fact that, his ex boy friend was never a secrete and his ex boy friend is like a part of his family now.

me whining * I WANT TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY NOT THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRETE :'(

thanks bowyn

I think should talk to him about this again soonest. Express how you feel in a nonjudgmental way, then express to him how happy it makes you feel to be with him and to have finally meet his folks.

I know where you are coming from, and I know it hurts. I doubt he did it this way to hurt you. He did it to keep himself from being hurt.

Also take this as a sign that he is trusting you more. He may not have said it, but I am willing to wager inside he wondered when you were going to leave. Easter symbolizes that that worry is at least dampened to a great deal.

And your welcome.