Need advice on making a decision

[dilema]

I really don't have a way to softly introduce the topic as i'm in a lot of stress lately, sorry about that ,

So i met a guy from grindr and we're supposed to have s-ex in few days, but i told him that i want to stay safe and use a condom, he agreed to use a condom in penetration, but he seemed to want to perform oral without me wearing a condom. (excuse me if this is not allowed, i don't know how open the forum is to visual description )

It seems that he see's this as a deal breaker, so would you risk getting STD from receiving oral?

Also i have few questions about herpes, if i received oral sex and contracted herpes, would the herpes only show around the genital area? or is it possible to show in your face even though the original infection was in the genital area?

and can kissing spread STD's? if so. then how come everyone is ok with kissing if it can pass STDs?

the whole safe aspect of sex is something i can't seem to understand, when is it overreacting? and when is it a must?

please any advice would be appreciated.

[Jared]

From receiving oral, so him giving you oral sex? If this is the case then the chances of getting an std are very low but not out of the question, so its up to you on that one. However, with that said, receiving oral can cause infection so be careful of that if you do decide to go for it. If you were to get herpes, it would only be around your genital area unless you kissed him or your face had any sort of contact with his (kissing for example). so yes kissing can spread herpes, and i guess people just dont think about that very often.
You can never be too careful when it comes to safe s-ex so no worries!
Hope this helps out

-Jared

[jimcrackcorn]

There is always a higher risk of contracting an STD when having sex with people you are not familiar with.

Yes, you can catch Herpes by kissing. In fact, you can catch Herpes by just touching an infected area on another persons body who has Herpes. There must be contact with the infected area in order for it to spread,,, so,,, if a fella you have oral sex with has Herpes - and he also kisses you -- you can contract Herpes on your genitals & mouth.

Herpes loves saliva,,, and even if you were wearing a condom while receiving a BJ,,, he could still pass it to your genitals by slobbering on your scrotum and surrounding area.

You increase your odds of catching STD's by hooking up with strangers (one-night-stands). Wouldn't it be much nicer if you found someone who wanted to be with you on a more permanent basis? Someone who you could trust to have safe sex with.

Sincerely,
Jim

[AlfredM]

the whole safe aspect of sex is something i can't seem to understand, when is it overreacting? and when is it a must?

Unfortunately,there's no such thing as 100% safe sex. Wearing condom reduce the risk for a lot of STD especially HIV,but it's still not fool proof. There are a lot of STD that can be caught as easy as touching,and if you avoid touching,how is there a sex to begin with? Get my point? No 100% safe sex. Doesn't mean you can't have fun,but know your risk and get treatment when you're infected.

The safest way to have sex is to have it with only one partner,mutually. Thus,monogamy. But even in monogamy,there's still some risk of catching STD. For example if your partner has been infected by virus like HPV before (it's the most common,like 75% of sexually active people will catch it once in their lifetime),it is possible that the virus could be dormant in his body,but once passed to you,it could give you warts,depend on your antibody. So,again,even in monogamy,it's still not 100% safe,but around 99%.

It is overreacting when you want to reduce the risk to 0% as it's almost impossible. Wearing condom on oral sex is a deal breaker for most,and perhaps it's next to impossible to find somebody who can accept that. So make your choice,can you accept the risk? Or do you want to give up on oral sex with strangers? Btw,wearing condom for anal sex is also not 100% safe,your pubic area is exposed to his ass (or the other way around if you're the bottom),there's risk of infection there.

My advice? Make peace with the risk if you want to hook up. Otherwise,look for a boyfriend and be committed to each other. Good luck~

[azulai]

STDs

Bacterial STDs:
chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis

Viral STDs :
HIV, genital herpes (HSV type2) , genital warts (HPV), and hepatitis B

STD caused by a parasite:
Trichomoniasis

You can get a STD from vaginal, anal, or oral sex. While kissing is considered low risk, if you have cuts, open sores, abrasions, or gum disease in your mouth you are at risk for infection.

HPV and herpes can be spread through skin contact.

Herpes HSV type 1 ( cold sores) can also cause genital herpes. Yes, the type 2 can also be spread to the mouth during oral. HPV16 and HPV18 can cause oral cancer and penile cancer.

Receiving oral = low risk for HIV
Giving oral = high risk, (yes, there are documented cases of HIV transmission through oral.)

Just be careful that the guy doesn't try to tell you rubbing his pre-cum in or around your hole is safe. Pre-cum and semen both contain high concentrations of HIV, but semen is considered riskier just because there is more. The condom should be on BEFORE pre-cum. Use lube.

As far as overreacting, listen to you gut, your instinct. If something doesn't feel right about the situation, use your big head and leave. Don't let someone pressure you. Remember it's a hook-up, your life is more importnt than him getting off.

[TwisttheLeaf]

azulai kicks ass. *Points to what he said*

[bluerealm]

It seems that he see's this as a deal breaker, so would you risk getting STD from receiving oral?

your considering getting a std?

i just can't deal with this.

No! you want advice so I'll give you some.

stds can be chronic and expansive.

you can get hiv from oral sex and thats a fact!

i hope you have health insurance.

you could be looking at thirty thousand dollars or more a year in medical expenses.

also lets not even talk about how much pain you will be in.

or how about going on a date with herpes oozing from your lips.

they also have different strains of the same std.

so like you could just get something that you can't even see on your lips or something that spreads on any surface skin !!!!

half the people on grindr have something. its why they are on grindr. thats the only way for them to have sex.

your 19 and i have to take that into consideration when talking to you. BUT REALYY!!!!

[dilema]

I'm not meeting for hookups, but the problem is that almost everyone on grindr had sex multiple times (im a virgin) , which makes it even more confusing.
i live in a country where gays arent accepted, so not much options beside grindr.

I read that herpes can be transmitted even by touch, my nieces are my life. and it terrifies me that if i catch it i won't be able to spend time with them.

[Virge]

Remember to be safe and condoms when you masturbate so you won't catch anything from yourself. Recent medical studies show you should change condoms when changing hands so you will not cross contaminate left handed germs with right handed ones.

Excuse the humor.

The only really forms of safe sex you can have are strictly with yourself OR with a committed monogamous partner after the two of you have been through every possible test and examination for STIs.

[MountLogan]

From my perspective since they is always a risk the important is to be intelligent about it.

I mean, You cannot reduce the risk to zero however you can reduce the risk exponentially and still get and healthy sex life.

For blowjobs the risk to catch HIV is quite low. You can reduce even more if you don't bross your teeth or use dental floss one hour prior to give one.

I used to be like you and being so freaking nervous and stress crazy after I met a guy. It was not even funny lol

However, this website helped me a lot making everything into perspective. You should check it out!

I am unable to provide the link because I haven't sent out 50 messages however it's called
readyforaction.org