Hook up sites....

[reaper]

Again, reaper, you're amazing and awesome. From what you've said, you're using the apps more or less correctly -- looking for something that isn't a 'cat fish' (fake or misleading), being up-front about what you want and don't, learning that the best way is to meet the person in public first or, at the very least, to have skyped or chatted with them some other way.

I don't really have much to add (I don't use apps myself, although I do have hornet, more out of curiosity than anything). Like what I said to you before, you're on a journey now that will go through various phases -- the 'kid in the candy store' is one. There will be others. I think it is great that you're sharing your journey of discovery with us. Clearly you have a good head on your shoulders (if only other gay men did!) and I have no doubt you will handle all the phases of not only 'coming out' but 'being out' very well. That's not to say you won't make some mistakes (like the first encounter you describe -- live and learn). You're using this forum as a kind of 'hand holding' in a sense... getting other people's point of view. What I want to reinforce is that you don't really *need* that as much as you may think or feel you do. (I'm aware you asked me a question in another thread that I deliberately didn't answer... you will do what you feel comfortable doing and what you think is best and whatever the outcome of that, you'll deal with it ... so you don't *need* an answer to your question, you just need to trust that, for better or worse, whatever your decision is, you can handle the consequences of it.)

By the way, when I was your age I made the mistake of thinking I was "older" ... now that I'm MUCH older than that, I see how distorted that view of myself was. Yeah, for sure, some younger guys are going to view you as "old" (for them, anything over 26 is 'old', LOL!) -- but this isn't the case for most guys. Actually, you're right in the prime of your life. Your only disadvantage is your lack of experience -- and even that isn't really a 'disadvantage' -- its just where you are. Given how far you've come in the past few months, imagine where you'll be in a year or two! For sure, the candy store is an interesting and exciting place -- but it is only ONE stop on the journey.

Thanks. Looks like I also have a date, although this may be more of a frined thing, on Tuesday night. This happened as I began responding to your post.

It is a new time and I do feel like an animal that's just been freed into the wild, lol.

As far as the question I asked. Now that some time has passed and my emotions about it have calmed. I decided the best thing to do is nothing.

I asked, he said no...that's it. Bringing it up a week later to discuss it seems like a bad idea to me. It won't improve a thing. It may actually make it seem that I am to close and emotionally attatched which is exactly what his concern was from the beginning.

I've accepted it, and I'll move on. I have some interesting stories to share now as well. The fact that I'm being active outside the club may be beneficial in all this as well.

If I have things happening on my own, not connected with him or the club, he may feel more relaxed and possibly more open since all my eggs won't be in one basket. (him and the club)

I'll see how it goes...the only thing I have control over is myself. Everyone and everything else happens that way it unflolds....

[Rareboy]

^ Good strategy.

[MikeW]

As far as the question I asked. Now that some time has passed and my emotions about it have calmed. I decided the best thing to do is nothing.

[MountLogan]

Must admit I don't «necessary» agree with everyone.

I do agree video chat may be good to see the person particularly if you want to have sex right now with the guy, nothing better than see him live before meeting up. Other than that I don't see the point. Asking for it is one thing, making it necessary is another thing and you may miss on a few good ones who don't want to Skype. This is actually want i've learn from using hook up sites, I avoid Skype now because too often the guy is like «take your shirt off» oh your cute, « can i see your ass», « can i see your cock and the list is endless. At first I played the games, now I know better. I can send more pics, I can chat longer, I can tell you everything I hate about myself but if you need my phone number, or need to see me on webcam, your not the guy for me. I say I dont have skype not because I want to hide who I am but because I'm trying to protect myself. I will be the one to backout if the guy insist too much on Skype. I'm also really careful with the pictures I send because unfortunately they may appear on another site the next day by someone else.

I think if you are to meet peoples online you need to understand sometimes the guy will not be what you had imagine, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. You can also say I like to meet up and see what happen. This way since sex isn't necessary the plan, you can back out without feeling weird about it.

Also hook up site can be good. It's the opportunity to see peoples you wouldn't meet otherwise. I've meet a few good ones. Yes I met my share of disappointing guy and I'm sure I disappointed some who met me along the way, but this is part of the game. Win some lose some

I do however understand perfectly where you are coming from. One time I met a guy who look so hot and cute but when I met him he was overweight*, with braces, wearing unclean clothes, spoke like a children and look high. So let me tell you we only took coffee together lol But the next guy I met was surprisingly hot so, in the end, odds even themselves out.

* Since I am new here I have nothing agains't overweight peoples ,we are all ourselves, I'm just trying to explain he wasn't the person I had in mind.

[reaper]

So I just got back from my first date, which is also the first time I've been "gay" outside of the club or in the city environment.

I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it. But I was glad that it didn't matter to me at all. I was very comfortable with it.

As for the date itself. It was nice. We had dinner and some wine. But I think this guy would be more of a friend then someone I'd want to be sexual with. I didn't feel him in that way and I knew this early on. Unfortunately I can tell he didn't feel that way. He sent me some texts a few minutes ago about what it would be like to kiss me. Since I ended the date with a handshake.

I'll tell him that I had a good time and enjoyed his company, but I think we had more of a friend thing going.

[JackTX]

Wow, [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION], your journey is certainly interesting to read. I'm a little jealous of your lack of inhibition :p

I'll just echo to have fun but be careful

Would 'wading' in from a friends/dating app be more appropriate? Not that there aren't all the listed above in those too, but to lessor degrees, and you can start out on grounds based more on conversation than dropping a load with anything with a pulse.

Hrm, which apps are just for gay friends?

[reaper]

Hmmm, since my last post he has texted me again saying he wishes he could come over. I did not respond and feel kind of bad about this. I don't like making anyone feel bad, but I'm sure this will be unavoidable no matter how nice I try to be.

Of course if it were a really hot guy that I wanted...this would not be happening. He kind of wants a boyfriend, and he knows where I am and understands that I'm in an exploratory phase. I made some joke that I'm in a frat house phase at the moment. Maybe I should tell him about the club, lol.

[Borg69]

Wow, [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION], your journey is certainly interesting to read. I'm a little jealous of your lack of inhibition :p

I'll just echo to have fun but be careful



Hrm, which apps are just for gay friends?

Okcupid is geared more towards friends and dating... but it has opportunist trolls too.

[Virge]

If you get tired of your hook up site you can try mine anytime you want.

Drive out to my parents property, bear to the left when the road divides and follow it around to the deep end of the pond. Use a chartreuse mariboo jig all the way to the bottom with quick twitches and I guarantee you will hook up with something you'll really enjoy!

[Camfer]

C'mon Virge, he's finally overcome his taste for fish and now you're sending him to the pond?!