Hook up sites....

[reaper]

I decided to download a hook up app (not sure if the rules allow me to mention it by name so I wont).

It was pretty damn fast paced. I end up talking to some guy. HOT as hell. He sends a handful of pics and I do the same. Granted, mine were very tame by comparison.

He lives pretty close and wants to mess around. I'm on board. I've never done anything like this, but fun is fun and I don't have any reason why I wouldn't do this.

I get there. I go into his house and am quickly becoming dissatisfied with the situation.

This guy did NOT look like any of the pics sent. It may have been him...when Jimmy Carter was president.

He was older, and not in very good shape. Although he was wearing a shirt, I'm pretty sure the abs in the pics would not be visible...although he did have a bit of love handles which I could see.

We talk for a few minutes, I already know none of the things I was thinking about are going to happen and that my stay would be brief. Physically he wasn't any kind of threat so I wasn't concerned in that kind of way.

He asks me what I want to do and touches my chest. I'm clearly uninterested and say, "yeah, I don't know man. Not to be shallow, but you appear to be a lot different then you do in the pix."

He says, "Their a little bit older" and makes so excuse to why that is.

He knows nothings going to happen now. A blind man could have read my body language.

I say, "yeah, I think I'm going to get going."

"oh really, you don't want to mess around at all? I'm still cool."

I say that I think it was pretty misleading and go. I said it was nice to meet him, shook his hand and left.

LOL, lies...on the internet! Who knew!

I've been chatting with a few guys. I'm meeting someone for a drink tomorrow night. Hopefully it goes a bit better. He doesn't seem to be the lets meet and fuk type which he was up front about. The fact that he wants to meet and see how things go seems more normal and I have a better feeling about it.

It should be fun. This is kind of my first gay date.

A gay date in a straight bar, this will also be knew to me. At the club, we're obviously all gay, and when we've done things outside the club, it was also in other gay venues.

If nothing else, it'll be interesting.

Anyone else use these apps, or have you. Do they ever go to plan?

[Jake]

Oh My reaper welcome in the wonderful world of online dating LOL. Your first mistake was to have gone to his place without meeting in a public place first. You could have also asked him to show himself on a webcam through skype or Google hangout.

At least you wouldn't have wasted your time going there and had the bad experience of making excuses to leave because the dude was not up to what he pretended to be. Rule number one of online dating is don't take it seriously and when you guys share picture send a recent picture of you and ask for the same. I know that cell phones and tablets doesn't stamp a date on the picture but if you want to be sure the next best options is definitely to have a video chat and stick with it. If the other guy keep on finding excuses not to come online such as: I don't have skype, I don't have hanghouts, my cam is broken etc. You know pretty much that there's more to meet the eyes. Skype and hanghouts can easily and successfully be installed on any devices nowadays, Ipad, Kindle, Blackberries, Iphone, Samsung etc. Most computers (laptops) are sold with integrated web cameras, there are no reasons for someone not to come online and prove who they claim to be let it be for few minutes.

Webcam cost roughly 30-120 dollars, someone who has a desktop computer had no reason either, mostly if they are active in online dating websites not to have a camera. Most dating websites and apps do have the webcam chat capability.

Just know that the unwritten rules of online dating are pretty much the same from one site to another, and well it's very unfair if you ask me that someone who take good care of his body, who have in its profile that he's looking for the same get contacted by people who are dyslexic or too lazy to read and comply to what you asked. I went through that before I met Alex and trust me I had to deal with so many clowns. Get ready you're entering a circus and the performers are not always funny.

Good Luck dude!

[Borg69]

I'll preface this by stating the obvious that I'm a bit overly protective of you... I'm that way towards all my friends - so get used to it!!!!

Hookup apps are pretty much diving into the deep end of the absolutely worst parts of gay life (IMO) that you can find with the shallowness, rudeness, psycho's, liars, cheaters, users, pretenders, diseased ...

Reading all your posts, is that really what you want? I see you as being more ... sensitive. Would 'wading' in from a friends/dating app be more appropriate? Not that there aren't all the listed above in those too, but to lessor degrees, and you can start out on grounds based more on conversation than dropping a load with anything with a pulse.

[reaper]

H

Oh My reaper welcome in the wonderful world of online dating LOL. Your first mistake was to have gone to his place without meeting in a public place first. You could have also asked him to show himself on a webcam through skype or Google hangout.

At least you wouldn't have wasted your time going there and had the bad experience of making excuses to leave because the dude was not up to what he pretended to be. Rule number one of online dating is don't take it seriously and when you guys share picture send a recent picture of you and ask for the same. I know that cell phones and tablets doesn't stamp a date on the picture but if you want to be sure the next best options is definitely to have a video chat and stick with it. If the other guy keep on finding excuses not to come online such as: I don't have skype, I don't have hanghouts, my cam is broken etc. You know pretty much that there's more to meet the eyes. Skype and hanghouts can easily and successfully be installed on any devices nowadays, Ipad, Kindle, Blackberries, Iphone, Samsung etc. Most computers (laptops) are sold with integrated web cameras, there are no reasons for someone not to come online and prove who they claim to be let it be for few minutes.

Webcam cost roughly 30-120 dollars, someone who has a desktop computer had no reason either, mostly if they are active in online dating websites not to have a camera. Most dating websites and apps do have the webcam chat capability.

Just know that the unwritten rules of online dating are pretty much the same from one site to another, and well it's very unfair if you ask me that someone who take good care of his body, who have in its profile that he's looking for the same get contacted by people who are dyslexic or too lazy to read and comply to what you asked. I went through that before I met Alex and trust me I had to deal with so many clowns. Get ready you're entering a circus and the performers are not always funny.

Good Luck dude!

Haha, thanks. You gave me some good tips that I will use for sure. A date is one thing, but if I do the show up to fuk thing again I will need to see, in real time, what I'm getting into. I was so disappointed, nothings worse then thinking your about to have hot sex...then not having hot sex, lol.

[reaper]

I'll preface this by stating the obvious that I'm a bit overly protective of you... I'm that way towards all my friends - so get used to it!!!!

Hookup apps are pretty much diving into the deep end of the absolutely worst parts of gay life (IMO) that you can find with the shallowness, rudeness, psycho's, liars, cheaters, users, pretenders, diseased ...

Reading all your posts, is that really what you want? I see you as being more ... sensitive. Would 'wading' in from a friends/dating app be more appropriate? Not that there aren't all the listed above in those too, but to lessor degrees, and you can start out on grounds based more on conversation than dropping a load with anything with a pulse.

I hear you. It isn't ideal, for sure. But I'm new and alone. All I have as of now in regards to my new found sexuality is the club....which many may also see in a negative light even though I've met some genuinely good people there...much to my surprise.

I'm sexually isolated where I live...I have no links or connections. This, for what it is, can change that.

The guy "appeared" to be really hot and I dismissed my better judgement. I've not responded to MANY of this thing since I made my account. And I did get a date out of it, and this guy was very mild compared to what I've seen. He's not interested in the instant hook up thing which may be a good sign. I'll meet him tomorrow and see how it plays out.

I also started being a bit more sexual at the club, last week for the first time. I'm truly in new territory on all fronts. Last week my first sexual act at the club, the hook up that wasn't, a date tomorrow....all happening very quickly and at the same time.

I've been sexually unaware and dead for so long....I feel like a caged animal that's getting it's first taste of freedom.

[Borg69]

LOL I understand your frustration...

You're cute, friendly, outgoing... I would imagine you'd make friends anywhere you go. I fully understand the bondage club being your favorite - but you CAN explore other places too.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=gay+bars+in+NJ

[Bowyn Aerrow]

+


=

Spoiler:

child in a candy store equals STDS

[reaper]

LOL I understand your frustration...

You're cute, friendly, outgoing... I would imagine you'd make friends anywhere you go. I fully understand the bondage club being your favorite - but you CAN explore other places too.

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=gay+bars+in+NJ

Well, in a slightly more cautious way I've continued to use this app. I have a date tonight which hopefully goes well, even though I alread have the idea that we're not really looking for the same things. I'll be honest and up front though. I don't or won't mislead in any way.

I also made a connection with a guy in my area that also seems fairly normal. I think this may be more of a frined thing...with a possibility of fwb. We plan to grab a beer and chat things up.

And finally, I saved the worst for last, some extremely hot guy and I were chatting. We want to hook up and, as of now, he's planning to come over Monday night. I told him the story about the guy who didn't look like his pic and that I left annoyed. He would come from the city, about 20 miles from where I live, so I can't imagine he'd come if he didn't look the part...knowing he'd be driving right back to the city.

Things seem like they may be on the verge of taking off here. Date tonight, club tomorrow, and hoepfully hot sex on Monday. The club always has the possibility of sexaul things, although I don't really partake in that aspect of it. (last week excluded)

I'm 40 now, I hope this is an early mid-life crisis type of thing...if not I can't even imagine what that would look like!

[Camfer]

[MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION], you will save yourself a lot of time if you require a video chat before meeting. Even with the guy who's willing to drive 20 miles. Online sex trolls are willing to go to much greater lengths than that to have sex with someone they perceive as hot.

Pictures can be outdated, or they can be easily stolen and used to fool you. The people who do this don't care if you figure that out once you see them in person. They rely on the fact that some tiny segment of hot guys are going to be so horny that even though they got deceived and even though the guy isn't hot, they can at least get some sex before leaving and never talking to the guy again.

That is exactly what happened to you. You shouldn't have been so polite and shook his hand. You should have taken one look at the guy, said, "Dude, you totally deceived me," and left immediately. Being kind to deceivers just plays into their game. What was the downside for him?

When you get on the hookup sites you are the fresh meat who doesn't know who's real, who's always on there, who says the same thing every time they contact someone. You are an easy target. You will get a lot of attention because a lot of the guys on there have already failed with everyone else. You're their next hope.

All that said, it could work. But you need some ground rules.
- always video chat first. Accept no excuses on that. Anyone who won't do this is deceiving you.
- always have the guy's phone number.
- always meet in public first for a drink, tea, coffee, whatever.
- don't tell him where you live.
- tell someone what you're up to, when you'll be back.
- if you're going to hook up with the guy, consider doing it at a sex club or hotel, where you have some privacy but other people nearby if things get crazy.

Good luck on your adventures!

[MikeW]

Again, reaper, you're amazing and awesome. From what you've said, you're using the apps more or less correctly -- looking for something that isn't a 'cat fish' (fake or misleading), being up-front about what you want and don't, learning that the best way is to meet the person in public first or, at the very least, to have skyped or chatted with them some other way.

I don't really have much to add (I don't use apps myself, although I do have hornet, more out of curiosity than anything). Like what I said to you before, you're on a journey now that will go through various phases -- the 'kid in the candy store' is one. There will be others. I think it is great that you're sharing your journey of discovery with us. Clearly you have a good head on your shoulders (if only other gay men did!) and I have no doubt you will handle all the phases of not only 'coming out' but 'being out' very well. That's not to say you won't make some mistakes (like the first encounter you describe -- live and learn). You're using this forum as a kind of 'hand holding' in a sense... getting other people's point of view. What I want to reinforce is that you don't really *need* that as much as you may think or feel you do. (I'm aware you asked me a question in another thread that I deliberately didn't answer... you will do what you feel comfortable doing and what you think is best and whatever the outcome of that, you'll deal with it ... so you don't *need* an answer to your question, you just need to trust that, for better or worse, whatever your decision is, you can handle the consequences of it.)

By the way, when I was your age I made the mistake of thinking I was "older" ... now that I'm MUCH older than that, I see how distorted that view of myself was. Yeah, for sure, some younger guys are going to view you as "old" (for them, anything over 26 is 'old', LOL!) -- but this isn't the case for most guys. Actually, you're right in the prime of your life. Your only disadvantage is your lack of experience -- and even that isn't really a 'disadvantage' -- its just where you are. Given how far you've come in the past few months, imagine where you'll be in a year or two! For sure, the candy store is an interesting and exciting place -- but it is only ONE stop on the journey.