Its been a bit of a strange night

[norfolk81]

Hi all

Its been a few weeks since I made my first post on this site, here's a bit of an update, on how things are going, and sorry its another long one.

I have been following the advice given, and trying to forget about my cheating ex boyfriend, and making every attempt to stop thinking about him, and obsessing about wanting him back, I've been doing really well, and have consciously been doing everything I can to occupy my mind with new things, and look to the future, and not keep living in the past.

But something a bit weird has happened tonight, and made me think about him again.

I have recently been exploring, about mutually exchanging my flat, and having a fresh start in a totally new area. I got approached tonight by someone who was interested in exchanging flats with me.

When I first spoke to the person, it seemed like a nice idea, and I liked what I heard, so the first thing I did was some google research on where the place was, and used google maps to get directions to the place, and see how far away it was. As I was considering asking to have a viewing of the flat.

When I looked at the map I was gobsmacked to see that the route would take me right past my ex boyfriends house, and the first place we ever met in person. My relationship with him was a long distance one, and his hometown is relatively small, and I had never heard of it, or visited it before I met him, and I haven't been back there since we split up.

I was taken aback by it, thinking OMG I didn't see that one coming, and how could what I'm trying to do to sort out my life, bring me right back past so many memories for me, considering that I had never heard of this town before we met, and the fact that I live 150 miles from it, so going there again would be a huge coincidence.

I started thinking what's this all about. I decided to take time out, and dig a little further, into the new flat I had been offered, I called and spoke to the person who rents it, and found out that I wouldn't be eligible to move there anyway, because its a flat designed for over 60's (I'm 33).

This got me thinking, about some of the things that my ex said, when we split up, the main one that sprung to mind was, that he felt that I was too old for him amongst other things, I get the feeling that this is maybe some sort of sign, to maybe remind me that things would have not worked out between us, and reinforce part of why we broke up, and why it would never have worked out. And the age thing on both of the situations.

I'm just wondering what everyone thinks about this.

Another strange thing, as I'm sitting typing this, I'm listening to music, and stevie wonders superstition has just come on the radio, all in all its been a bit of a weird evening and night tonight.

I'm still going to press on with my plans for a fresh start (I desperately need it) and keep doing, what I've been doing, to forget my ex, but when things like tonight happen, it certainly makes you wonder.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Bookworm]

Odd synchronicities like these can make you stop and think, is this just coincidence, or is someone, somewhere, plucking on the strings of fate in order to change the natural course of things? The fact that you are seeing signs that are triggering emotional responses related to your ex may allude to the fact that there is some unfinished business that needs closure and that you are still in the process of healing. These things can take time to fully resolve so keep on moving forward with your plans as you are doing, and let that be your focus.

[Rareboy]

I wouldn't read too much into it.

It is merely coincidence.

[meridannight]

I started thinking what's this all about. I decided to take time out, and dig a little further, into the new flat I had been offered, I called and spoke to the person who rents it, and found out that I wouldn't be eligible to move there anyway, because its a flat designed for over 60's (I'm 33).

it may have been designed for over 60s, doesn't mean younger people can't live there.

I get the feeling that this is maybe some sort of sign, to maybe remind me that things would have not worked out between us, and reinforce part of why we broke up, and why it would never have worked out. And the age thing on both of the situations.

there's no such thing as external environment or 'the universe' sending you 'signs'. it's a coincidence. and your mind is what puts it together so as to associate it with your own personal life.

[norfolk81]

it may have been designed for over 60s, doesn't mean younger people can't live there.
.

I should have worded that part better, when I spoke to the current tenant of the flat, he told me that the property is warden controlled sheltered accomodation, and only over 60's are allowed to live there, its written into the tenancy agreement of the flat, I live in a council owned flat with a secure tenancy, so as part of my tenancy I'm entitled to do like for like mutual exchanges, and unfortunately if I did decide to pursue it further I would be declined by the local authority.

But this little set back hasn't deterred me from trying to find somebody to exchange with, I just hope that when people approach me in the future, that the properties will fit the criteria that allow me to be able to do it, I've registered on a housing exchange website, so fingers crossed I will get more interest from that.

Thanks for your replies, they are much appreciated, and I tend to agree that what happened was just a coincidence, but it certainly made me think.

[Lexington]

A friend of mine was a big believer in God or the universe or nature or whatever sending him "signs". Apparently, every song on the radio and his iPod (for instance) was a message from God hinting what was going on, and what he should do next. (Why God would keep throwing vague hints at him instead of just TELLING him what to do if it was so important is I guess a question left for the ages.) So one day, I just sat down and started tossing different scenarios at him. What if THIS song came up instead? What if you saw THIS billboard on the bus instead? What if you lost your iPhone instead of your keys? How would you interpret these messages?

So let's try it with you. Had "Call Me Maybe" came on instead, wouldn't THAT be a sign? What about a song about past lovers? What about "your song"? What about a song by his favorite band? Wouldn't those all have been "signs"?

I think coincidences are fun when they happen. I was up late grappling with depression one night, and turned on the jazz station. And as I did so, the DJ announced the next song - "If I Only Had a Brain". I smiled wryly and turned it up.

Lex

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I believe that there is an over all purpose and plan to the whole universe and that coincidences are not exactly that. I think in this case you needed something right now to make you check a few things about 'that situation' thus this gobsmacked feeling you got, then the reflection, leading to this thread....

I don't know your brand of faith, but in mine I see this as God's Will and God presenting with experiences that lead to lessons. What's the lesson plan here? I have no idea. But there is something you can learn from this particular experience to carry with you.

Appears to me you didn't react as poorly as might be possible, perhaps your ability to go back to your resolve this readily is a sign of your growing acceptance of your life and all that it is?

Conversely, owing as I qualify as a minister with a perpetual crises of faith, maybe God just picked you out today for his chits and giggles and decided to throw this your way for a laugh... God can be a prick....

[Virge]

"if coincidences didn't exist we would not have a word for them" < one of the Roman skeptics.

In spite of all the bizarre coincidences that has happened in my life -- I always avoid the temptation to call them signs. Human minds are hard-wired to try to make sense out of the chaos they encounter in life. Our species has been obsessed with finding, naming, analyzing and explaining everything. That's what makes us great.

Back when I was just a kid (18) nine years ago we studied philosophers and something Immanuel Kant came up with impressed me. What he was trying to do was divide things up to stop the conflicts between all the new sciences that were coming to life and religions that up until the 18th century pretty much had a monopoly on everything considered to be 'knowledge.'

Kant said there were things in the world that were phenomenon (phenomena is the proper plural) Phenomena are "things" that exist, witnessed or experienced that can be explained by reason. Kant said all phenomena were the property of sciences -- and they should analyze, explain and name all phenomena.

He also said there were things called noumenon (noumena) that cannot be witnessed or experienced that can be reasoned to exist. Kant said Noumena belonged to religion and philosophy. IIt was up to religion and philosophy to analyze, name and explain all noumena.

His idea worked about as good as three legged plow horse but it makes sense.

The way it effected me and still does is when I come up on a noumenon (coincidences are noumena) rather than try to analyze, explain and name them (miracles, signs from god, the hand of fate, destiny etc) I simply accept them at face value, slow down to enjoy them, be thankful for the experience and NEVER EVER name them them. In fact I've learned not to go around talking about any noumena or coincidences I run into because other frigging people are all to willing to try to analyze and name the for me.

And... because of this I live in a world of wondrous things that I don't need to understand or name when I come up on them and I can't tell other about them because they'll spoil everything by naming them.... So I always walk around either laughing or smiling about all the crazy shit I encounter that will never be named, analyzed or explained.

Here's one of the biggest FREAKY ones that I talked about that taught me to keep my mouth shut about coincidences and other noumena. (some names slightly changed to protect people)

In July 2005 I had sex with a guy for the first time with my straight friend since 5th grade named Tom Fuller in room 202 of the King's Inn Hotel in Rapid City South Dakota. In july 2013 I was in room 203 of Queens Inn with my man in Noosa Queensland. In room 202, right next to us was a gay guy named Tom Fuller with his man, named Virgil (and called Virge) -- who turned out to be one of the first guys my man had sex with when he was 18.

Now do you see why it's best to keep your mouth shut and just smile about shit like that?

[bluerealm]

i'm drinking so my words of wisdom might be a fart.

"i think tried blocking things out but things have a way of coming back into mind."

memories can suck.
you know what i find hard to grasp.
when you love someone in the moment; You have all these feelings and plans together.
then you fast forward life and your alone thinking, its over but what the hell happened to these plans and feelings.

and your ex boyfriend is in bed with someone else with new plans and a future that has nothing to do with you.

but your mind keeps going back to that moment of perfect.

what the hell just happended to my life?
and why do i keep going back to the past?

is it God, loneliness, or just memories.

"drinks more beer."

what just happened to my life?

[Lexington]

"i think tried blocking things out but things have a way of coming back into mind."

I forgot to talk about this.

If you try not to think of an elephant on roller skates...you'll immediately start thinking of an elephant on roller skates. Your move shouldn't be to simply "try not to think about him". Nature abhors a vacuum. If you just try to stop thinking about him, you'll have a void that'll want to be filled. So fill it up. Stay busy. Stay social. Meet new people. A full life is the best remedy for a broken heart.

Lex