Promiscuous

[Manscene]

Do you find that Gay men are still judged to a large extend ? I find that there are still a lot of disadvantages to being Gay in South Africa
Posted by Manscene[dot]co[dot]za

[Rareboy]

Yes. All 3 of them agreed on a monogamous relationship initially when I dated them. And I also explained to them that I might take time to be sexual with them as I am quite reserved. They said they have no problem with that.

What did you mean by 'take time'?????

A couple of dates? Six months?

Why did you feel it would take time? Fear? Control mechanism?

The problem with making a contract like the one you describe is that the terms might have been ambiguous. And the rest of the relationship would have had to be worth the wait. And it had to be clear that it was eventually going to lead to a fully physical relationship.

So how would you answer those questions?

I think that you are stuck in a cycle of what I refer to in my professional life as 'designed to fail' processes. This happens when people impose impossible parameters on a project and then can be assured of failure. This reinforces their own bias and cynicism.

I would suggest that you need to reset the parameters. You don't have to jump into the sack on the first date....but if you are just dating as friends....then don't demand monogamy...if it feels right and they think it is worth it....they will be monogamous.
And give a good hard think to why you are reserved. It may be something to discuss with a therapist if it is an issue with you being a fully sexual partner.
Or....look for a hyposexual partner...someone who has the same approach and sex drive as you do.

[Virge]

[MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION] .... ^^^^^ dang you... you mind-reading-fart-bubble-in-the-bath-tub-eater.

How did you read my thoughts and write them before I even thought them?

I must need new batteries in my tin foil hat again.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Are all gay guys promiscuous?

I have been through 3 failed relationships. 2 of the break ups was due to my ex-boyfriends wanting to make the relationship an open one.

And the 3rd was due to cheating on me.

Do most gay guys prefer open relationships?

Is monogamous relationship impractical?

In 48 years of life I have been with 8 guys willingly (we do not discuss the unwilling aspect).

Out of those eight men, 6 were honest attempts at relationships, the other two were honest attempts to be a promiscuous slut.

No that whole slut thing didn't work for me because I ended up going home and showering for a long long time. Mind I have rule about crying, I only cry in the shower.

I consider myself hardwired toward monogamy. But then I'm a needy creatures with issues and problems and not wholly sane or healthy to be around. I also have those unwilling episodes which give me a decided unhappy take to random sexual encounters. So I may be far from 'normal' when it comes to how a male approaches the subject of sex.

However, your complaint is by no means a rare complaint. I have actually read and heard similar 'queries' from many guys who seem to find the whole notion of random sex to be a bit off putting and they appear to desire commitment, and one on one long term monogamy.

So you are not alone, there appears to be a rather large group of guys who like you desire monogamy and stuff like that.

Unfortunately due to that they will most likely not be found at clubs/bars apps and other places where the sex-driven ones are found.

No, I don't know where they are - at home most likely loathing to go out into these more public sex-fiend environments.

[BrianNorth]

#1 ) Gay men generally will want to be sexual before commitment if not within a few dates. It gets the whole 'are we sexually compatible' question out of the way. No matter the chemistry sometimes people don't get along sexually.

#2 ) Some will want monogamy and some will want an open relationship. It could also have something to do with the age and experience level of the guys you are going after. Nobody wants to feel 'what ifs' so if you shack up with someone that is 20 and has been with 2 other people he may still want to explore. It'd be upto you to decide if you'd be comfortable with that or not.

[Darius]

I'm not promiscuous or interested in casual sex and hook ups. I am monogamous in a relationship and when not in a relationship, I have my hand. I would never be in a relationship that wasn't exclusive. I don't apologize for who I am, either.

[MikeW]

[MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION] and [MENTION=21912]BrianNorth[/MENTION] have it. A satisfying monogamous relationship isn't an abstract concept; it is the result of two men feeling they don't want or need anyone other than their partner. It isn't about what one "thinks," it is about who one is and what one feels.

[BrianNorth]

[MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION] and [MENTION=21912]BrianNorth[/MENTION] have it. A satisfying monogamous relationship isn't an abstract concept; it is the result of two men feeling they don't want or need anyone other than their partner. It isn't about what one "thinks," it is about who one is and what one feels.

Precisely. There also isn't a magical glow that your partner gives off that prevents you from seeing other guys either. We both still find other people attractive and it has 0 implication on our relationship.

[palbert]

Are all gay guys promiscuous?

I have been through 3 failed relationships. 2 of the break ups was due to my ex-boyfriends wanting to make the relationship an open one.

And the 3rd was due to cheating on me.

Do most gay guys prefer open relationships?

Is monogamous relationship impractical?

Given your statement that follows:

Yes. All 3 of them agreed on a monogamous relationship initially when I dated them. And I also explained to them that I might take time to be sexual with them as I am quite reserved. They said they have no problem with that.

I would call these friendships that collapsed; hardly relationships.

You are really too free in offering future - and undelivered?? - favors.

I think an extended course of therapy is indicated. For your friends' sakes.

[Anonymous]

[FONT="Arial Black"][SIZE="5"][COLOR="Red"]


[SIZE="4"][COLOR="Red"]I try to convince everyone about the truth in these words. Now it's your turn.

Rather than spend all your time looking for the man you want to spend your life with.
Become a man you can spend your life with
Once you've done that you can stop looking for a man to spend your life with
Because there will be a line of them around the block
waiting for the chance to do it with you.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

I accept that there are problems with me. I'll focus on becoming a better guy for now and hopefully its a successful transition. Your posts made me realize my mistakes. Thanks.