I kissed my friend/buddy. Is my buddy gay?

[Lhan28]

My buddy and I went to a bar to have some fun together, because he knows that this past few days I am not really going out and just staying at home. He invited me to have a dinner with him, then I asked if his girlfriend comming too, he answered that its only the 2 of us. The reason I asked its because she is really jealous of me if my buddy and I are together. My buddy knows that Im a bisexual and he knows that I have been into tragic this past few days. Reason... My exboyfriend commited a suicide and died last nov. 30. Lots of our friends, bestfriend are blaming me why he commited a suicide and even his family and relatives blaming me too. If you remember I have posted something here about our relationship.

Anyway back to my friend/buddy. After the bar he told me that he will drop me home because Im really wasted. We were in his car and he was talking about some girl he liked but we had already reached my house so he told me to just text him about it when I get inside the house. I hugged him inside his car (for like ten seconds) say thank you and when I let go I turned his face with my hand and I kissed him on the lips. I know I am not supposed to that... He just laughed a little and we said bye and I got out of his car. Later I texted him telling him that if he ever needs anything, I'm here. And he replied "thanks haha love you babe". But see the thing is we have always called each other Babe but as a joke and we have always hugged too but I never kissed him. We always said gay things to each other but only as a joke. Anyway, at work, he still hugged me and called me Babe the next day. I asked him if I surprised him with the kiss and he just said "yeah!" and he laughed a little. Is he gay? BTW, we have been friends for like two years. He's a really good friend. We have same interest like composing songs, singin and we are in the same band for two years too.

How would a straight guy react to a sudden kiss from his friend? A really good friend.

It has crossed my mind that he's gay but I don't think he is. But then again, he might be. Because a straight guy would have pushed me away or even punched me in the face like "man what the hell were you thinking?" But then again we are really good friends so maybe he just doesn't care? I don't know. I'm confused. Is he gay? What do you think guys? I like him and I have told my self that I dont feel having another relationship yet. But everytime he does things to me like being sweet, caring, worrying where am I if i didnt answer his call or answer his messages. Buying some foods when he ask me if I have eaten my dinner and I told him not yet. Specially when I broke up with my exboyfrfriend he is really close to me and soo sweet. Asking me If Im ok because of what happen to my exboyfriend something like that. I don’t know if Im going to ask him about us or comfront him, because I dont want to ruin our friendship and his relationship. Or maybe I just miss being with someone and he just being so kind to me because of what Im going through. I know that Im still on the process of moving on, but everytime Im with him and him being so kind to me, it makes me soo weak.

[Darius]

From what you say, it does not sound like he is gay. It sounds like he is a good friend who did not push you away when you kissed him and did not reject you, but I don't think you can read too much into it.

When someone is kind to you, like you said he is, it might be tempting to think it is more than it is. Try to discern the difference. His friendship is what you need most now.

BTW, I am sorry to hear about your ex bf. That must have been terrible for you.

[reaper]

I don't think you should assume he's gay. The fact that he's straight and has a long term friendship with you shows that he seems to be open minded.

Maybe he has a streak of curiousity in him, sexuality isn't as black and white as a lot of people seem to think it is.

Maybe when you guys are talking sometime, you can ask him what he was thinking when you did that. If he was tempted to push you away?

I'd tread carefully with this though. He's a friend, and he has a relationship with a woman. He knows you're gay. If this was something he wanted to explore he would mostly likely confide this to you.

He hasn't. I wouldn't read much into it.

[BrianNorth]

My instinct says he's not. He knows what you've gone thru so letting it go is his way of being kind and understanding. It's great he hasn't let that change things.

[MountLogan]

Just look like a really good friend and he know what you been trough and you were drunk.
So you probably surprised him a bit but don't look he want this to be in the way of your friendship.
He is keeper this friend, your lucky to have him

[Rareboy]

Not gay.

But a good friend who probably realized that you were shitfaced and not behaving rationally.

Don't push it.

[Lhan28]

Maybe when you guys are talking sometime, you can ask him what he was thinking when you did that. If he was tempted to push you away?

He caIled me again this evenin and invited me for dinner. So I did say yes and went out for couple of hours. While we are having a dinner I can see him that he is staring at me, smilin and acting wierd. I asked him why he is staring at me and smilin and he replied “nothin Im just happy to see you”. I started to ask some question like is your girlfriend knows that we are together? He said yes and his girlfriend was mad because he told her that he is going out with me and started to yell at him but he said he doesnt care. I also asked him why he dont care? And he said that “because I want to see you and be with you”. Why do you want to see me and be with me? I asked... And he answered “I dont know, maybe because I feel happy when Im with you and I always want to see you”. Thats what he told me.... Then the I ask him another question, what was you thinkin when I did kissed you? Then he suddenly keep silent and he didnt respond or answered my question. So what I did I told him that its ok if you dont want to answer my question because I understand that you have a girlfriend and I dont want to be the reason why you guys broke up. You are good friend to me and I dont want to ruined our friendship.

After a few minutes he started to talk and askin what I really feel about him. So I told him that I like him, because he is always there when I needed someone to talk too. I am not telling you this because you are soo nice to me, sweet, caring and attractive or its because of what happened to me and to my exboyfriend No.... Im telling you this because thats what I feel and its true. He smiled at me thanking me if thats what I really feel about him.

Thats how I really feel ever since we have met. But that time I was in relationship with my exbf, so I did not show him any sign that I really like him. But when he found out that me and my exbf are not together anymore he started to show sweetness, caring and some other things I wasnt expecting. Our friendship became soo close, really close 4 months ago. But still for me it was nothin even he showed a lot of caring or whatever he was doin to me. Because like what Ive said I feel like I dont want to have another relationship yet. But our friendship became deeper when my exboyfriend died last nov. 30. He always protects me to all our friends, my exbf family and relatives whos blaming me why my exbf commited a suicide. There was a time some of the cousin of my exbf threatened me that once they saw me outside or somewhere else they will kill me. However, he is always there like 24/7. He also told me that he will protect me for the rest of his life. How sweet that is? BTW he is 4 years younger than me.

Ok back to him.... After what he says, he also added that he is very happy when Im with him and he feels like different everytime he is with me. He doesnt feel this when he is with his gf. Sometimes even they are together he told me that he always think of me. So I ask him again if what he really feels about me. He replied with a sad face.... I like you and I dont only like you, I guess Im getting inlove with you but I also love Clare (his gf) forgive me because Im confused right now. But dont get me wrong, I do really like and love you soo much. But I cant dumped Clare because we are having a baby. Shes carrying my child , my son... Then he cried and askin me not to get mad and leave for telling me that he loves me.

When I heard that my heart broke again but I didnt show him anything, instead I told him that I understand everything. But I told him that we cant continue that way because he is having a baby. I dont want to ruined your life, specially your family even you and Clare are not married yet. We can be friends still but not a lover. You can share your problem to me, everything that you want to share its ok. Lets just be friend and I would appreciate if you’ll accept that. But he looks at me, hug me then cried on my shoulder and told me “please dont leave me or dont think of not talking or ignoring me because I cant handle it”....

It hurts... But what do I have to do, I have to move on again. Life is soo unfair sometimes but we cant do anything about it. I guess I just have to deal with it.... Oh man Im kinda exhuasted though... Well it answered everyhing, He likes me and loves me but we cant be together. And yes he admitted that he is gay and he just found out that he likes guy when he started working as one of our band member. Oh.... he also know that bi-friend of mine cheatted on me and hooked up with my exbf. But he didnt told me because he doesnt want me to get hurt. But still up to this day, im still hurt.

Oh well... Move on move on move on....

Thanks anyway guys....

[Rareboy]

Oh this is going to get complicated.

[Hardheaded1]

You are destabilized by the tragedy of the suicide and the ongoing accusations. Your judgment is impaired.

Be the friend to your buddy that he is to you: DON'T sexualize him. He is plainly a loving friend, but that is far from closeted gay. Your account still hasn't made his erotic attraction clear. At this point, don't even ask him if he gets a boner around you. It really doesn't seem likely from his reactions. He indeed seems to love you, but it doesn't seem homoerotic. If he felt this way about you, it is really unlikely that he never initiated anything or reacted differently. From an internet's distance, he seems to not know what to do with his great love for his friend.

Don't demand that he return your sexual attraction. You stand to ruin his life and, if you do, that could well end the friendship. His wife is already jealous. That won't go away with the baby.

Give your heart time to heal, but cool your jets and stop coming on to him. It will end in tears.

Be thankful, very thankful, that your friend loves you. Do the grownup thing and tell your hormones "no." This kind of friend is the rarest of all. Keep him, but start looking for a boyfriend elsewhere so that you stop obsessing over him.

Be the adult.

And before you drag out the violin and sing "life is so unfair," remember that the same life gave you such a friend. Don't be the man who is ungrateful.

[Lhan28]

You are destabilized by the tragedy of the suicide and the ongoing accusations. Your judgment is impaired.

Be the friend to your buddy that he is to you: DON'T sexualize him. He is plainly a loving friend, but that is far from closeted gay. Your account still hasn't made his erotic attraction clear. At this point, don't even ask him if he gets a boner around you. It really doesn't seem likely from his reactions. He indeed seems to love you, but it doesn't seem homoerotic. If he felt this way about you, it is really unlikely that he never initiated anything or reacted differently. From an internet's distance, he seems to not know what to do with his great love for his friend.

Don't demand that he return your sexual attraction. You stand to ruin his life and, if you do, that could well end the friendship. His wife is already jealous. That won't go away with the baby.

Give your heart time to heal, but cool your jets and stop coming on to him. It will end in tears.

Be thankful, very thankful, that your friend loves you. Do the grownup thing and tell your hormones "no." This kind of friend is the rarest of all. Keep him, but start looking for a boyfriend elsewhere so that you stop obsessing over him.

Be the adult.

And before you drag out the violin and sing "life is so unfair," remember that the same life gave you such a friend. Don't be the man who is ungrateful.

Thank you soo much... I appreciate it. I have talked to him again this morning. Ive notice that he is not talking much. I ask him why he is acting like that and he told me that he is a bit sad of what he told me last night. He also apologize for hurting me and saying that he likes me and loves me. But its true everything what Ive said... He added. I told him its fine he doesnt need to worry about it. I told him that its better for us to be friends because I really dont want to ruined his life and family. But again he insisted that he wants to be with me sometimes, alone or just only the 2 of us. I asked him “what do you mean by that?” He told me that he wants to be with me like partners, doing things like what partners do. Hugging, kissing, cuddling somethin like that. Because I want you to feel that your are also special to me and I really do love you.

But I told him its not possible because it will goin to lead us in to trouble. It will lead us to something we dont like both, so please lets just be friends and accept the fact that we cant be together or whatever he wants us to do. Then after we’ve talked he never talk to me again and even send me messages unlike before. But its ok I guess, its better that way.