I have a long story and big problem, but I'll try to summarize it as best I can. I have had a best friend for years who is also pretty much my only friend as of late, who I told I was gay and he was really supportive of me and it meant the world to me that he was. He helped get me a job across the street from where he works and he has done so much for me over the years, which is why for the longest time, I have had a crush on him. He has had like four girlfriends since I have known him, and I figured I would just never tell him about how I felt as to not make things awkward between us. Recently he hasn't been in a relationship and I helped him through his last breakup where he told me that I probably care about him more than any of the girls he's been with. I just let that go and didn't think much of it, but he seems to be a lot more open with me now. Around four months ago, my manager was replaced with another man, and within the same month, he asked me out. I was amazed he was interested in me, because I am just your average gay guy, but he is kinda large and a bit muscular which is definitely my type. We started going out and he would pick me up and take me to work, which used to be what my friend did since I don't have a car, but ever since my manager started doing that, he has seemed like he disapproved of it. Two months ago my friend and I both had to move out of our respective apartments, so he asked me to move into a two bedroom with him. I of course loved this idea, so we started looking around for a place, and once we found one, we moved over our stuff, and just as we were finishing up moving in, my friend grabbed me as I walked in the door and kissed me. I was shocked and didn't know what to do. He said sorry and that he has been feeling weird lately and that he thinks that he could see himself dating me. I was in shock so I couldn't say anything back to him. We just kind of kept moving stuff and didn't really talk about it. A few weeks later my manager and I had sex for the first time and it was an amazing experience and I really loved it, but that whole night I couldn't sleep because I just kept thinking that I should be with my friend. I guess we were kind of loud during our sex, because the next day my friend was angry at me and didn't want to be around while my boyfriend was. I have cared about my best friend for years and would love to be with him, but I also care about my manager, and could see myself being with him for life. I just don't know what to do and it's killing me inside... Please if anyone wants to give me even a small amount of advice or even a pep talk, I would really appreciate any help.
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Sounds like a scenario out of The Days of Our Gay Lives or something.
So, your best friend is jealous. 1) You need to have a sit-down and long talk with him. Is he just jealous because you used to pay attention to him and are now focused on someone else? Or does he have a crush on you? You need to find that out and the only way is to ask him.
2) You need to decide what you want. This doesn't have to be an either/or situation. There's no logical reason why you can't have a lover and a best friend. However, obviously logic has little to do with this. Emotions are involved and they're seldom logical. So, you need to decide what you want and see what you can do to make that happen.
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The way I see it, yes your friend seems to want to be with you. Dating your manager at work is not a good idea. Many people will tell you this. Fraternization with subordinates is forbidden at many companies for very good reason. When people think with their little head rather than the one above the shoulders, it's difficult to make good decisions. Especially when it comes to discipline. Continue if you must, but be forewarned, it rarely works out for either of you.
Talk to your friend. Obviously he is hurting. If he has never told you directly that he is gay, then you were safe to assume that he is straight. He can hardly blame you for looking for someone instead of waiting on the sidelines for him to decide what he may want. The comment he made while you were moving is not a real confession. Good luck!
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Oh my goodness...torn between two lovers...it's a tale as old as time....
The nice part...you have two people who want to be with you...and who you would like to be with...
It would be impossible for me to tell you what to do and I wouldn't want to...so my best advice...listen to your gut. I always think that is good advice in any situation.....
(PS...maybe have sex with your friend just to see if there is chemistry?...it might help you decide)
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seems to me that if you're equally attracted to both, you should give both an equal opportunity until you know for sure.
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First off, romances at work can be a huge problem, more so when that person is in a position of authority over you.
Secondly, it sounds to me like your friend, who got you the job and supported you through your coming out etc, is jealous. JEALOUS of you. He knows your dating your manager (right or wrong - we'll leave that out for now) but he's now interfering with your relationship by hitting on you.
This could all end in tears. Tread carefully my friend.
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" The Days of Our Gay Lives ."
I have to see this on TV.
I'm putting away queer as folk both the American and British version for this!
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please tell us what happens !!!!!
i'm getting some wine and popcorn right now!
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