Decision has been made.

[Ammon]

So after talking with an old friend and then with my best friend, I've finally made my decision to break this relationship. :'(

Problem is that I didn't ask them how to go about it.

This was my first real relationship with a man and I have no idea how to do it without him trying to change my mind.

Should I act as if nothing is wrong and find an appartement first and then tell him?

[Albie]

You should do it quick and decisively. Like a band-aid.

[IanSaysHi]

End it the way you'd want him to end it with you. Maybe ask to talk to him, tell him how you feel, what you've decided and why. No games, no drama. If he tries to change your mind then remember: the only person who can change your mind is YOU.

[deephiance]

a combination of the two advisors above.

[Darius]

Do what's right for you. If you have absolutely decided this and you feel there is no turning back, then make plans for yourself and that might include getting a place of your own first so you have somewhere to go to quickly in case it gets ugly. If he is likely to stand in the way of you taking your animals and birds, might be best to remove them when he is not home. You know him, we don't.
Good luck.

[kenaiou]

I agreed with the previous messages that it should be done quick but, and it's my two cents on that, so it worth what it worth, but I think that you have to think about what's gonna happen next. I understand after your message that you both share the same place. Breakups can be really rough, I know that. I don't know him, maybe he's on the same level as you are in your relationship and he'll understand why you breaking up with him, but he could also ask you to leave immediately if you both live in "his" place, you know what I mean ? I think you should speak to him, but only after making sure you'll have a place to go if things get complicated between the two of you. Like some friends or family who could host you for a couple days, till you get your new place.

Again, this is just the feelings of a guy who lived complicate breakups. I wish you all the best !

[Cridders88]

Some good advice already posted here. I would make sure you have somewhere to stay first and make sure you have a plan of action in regards to what you guys share first before making the break. He may well try to change your mind (or he might not), but as Ian said, only you can be the one to do that. You have clearly put a lot of thought into it to reach this point, if you have doubts arising from him to try and change your mind, just ask yourself one question: can this man still make you happy? If the answer is no, you'll be doing the right thing. Good luck Ammon.

[Ammon]

Thanks guys for taking your time and sharing your thoughts.

I believe I'll wait and check for a place to stay first.
I know that either he'll make my life a living hell or would do everything in his power to win me over.

Here in Belgium we are well protected by the law. You can't simply throw someone out of your home. Thrust me, he tried many many times.

As long as my adresse is here I have to get at least 2 months time to move out. If I don'twant to move out, he'll have to go to court, the invitiation to court is one month, then the judge will make a decision the month after that saying that I need to leave within a month (that's 3 months) The judge can also decide in my favor and add extra months, but it's always safe to say through courtsystem it's minimum 3 months.

I did my homework since the first time he felt he has power over me...

I won't find a place where I'm allowed to have pets there. I'll have to leave every pet behind. :'(
Lana my american stafford was my rock in this hellhole :'( And I feel the worst to leave her behind. :'(((



I'm also feeling as if I owe him a lot on where I'm at, because no matter how big of an asshole he is, he was still a very good influence on me, I can't deny that. So everything I bought here, since moving in, I'm going to leave here behind, that's more than enough to repay him, if he sells all my birds he'll have more than 4500 euro.
Tv that I bought for us is quickly sold for 500 euro almost a year ago bought it for 1300 euro. Then you have the decorations, xbox one for his son, clothings for his kids etc.. I believe he has nothing on me If I leave with only my clothes, cellphone, laptop, car and my papers.

@Cridders, No he can't make me happy anymore, maybe in moments but that's not happiness.
I can't be happy when he talks behind my back to everybody, telling them my private stuff. Can't be happy not being appreciated when I cook, clean, help kids with homework, bring them to school (ON TIME)
etc..

Oh I wanted to add this little detail of this night.
As I was watching tv with his daughters, (son was playing xbox in his room)
One of the girls left the livingroom and the youngest one wispers to me "I'm not supposed to tell you this but dad is apparently comming home earlier from work tonight. "
Me: really? Why aren't you allowed to tell me this?
Daughter: I don't know he was talking with grandma about our uncle comming over tonight to bring his money. And when we were in the car he told us not to tell you.
Me: And why are you risking to tell me?
Daughter: I don't know.. I hope you wont tell on me
Me: I wont

But I already knew there was a chance he'd be comming home earlier because I know he has to be somewhere tomorrrow morning.

This happens so many times that they tell me stuff that I can't confront him with or else the kids will be punished for it!

Still I must admitt that he is really a good dad with a good heart for his children, he truly does everything for his children, their needs comes first, then his needs, to be fair he most of the time even puts my needs before his. But then when he is in a bad mood and that's almost every day, I get scolded at.

Well, anyway thanks again for the advice and letting me vent.

[meridannight]

Don't leave your dog behind. It won't just break your heart, it'll break the dog's as well. There's gotta be a way. How else do Belgian people have pets.

[Ammon]

Don't leave your dog behind. It won't just break your heart, it'll break the dog's as well. There's gotta be a way. How else do Belgian people have pets.

Well there are few appartments that are allowing dogs etc, but then you have people that don't allow arabs and you have places where they do allow Arabs but no pets, then you have places where neither are welcome..

I honestly believe it's better for Lana to lose 1 person instead of 4 people, 1 dog and 1 cat. She's not good friends with our indoor parrot

So it would be selfish of me to put her in the same position, she loves everyone in this house.