Adopted and Bisexual

[Drock91]

Hey I'm new here and I hope I can get some advice on my situation and share my story so far and to get advice on how to become more involved in the LGBT community . Background info on me is at the age of 16 I was adopted by my best friends parents which was a very rocky experience in itself due to multiple families being involved . I never had true stability in my life throughout my teenage years which left me to struggle with my sexual identity alone from denying I was gay and accepting it only to realize I still had feelings for girls which made me feel like it was a phase only to then realize I was still into guys . This vicious cycle was my high school existence and it took me 19 years to come out to myself as Bisexual.

My personality throughout high school and into college has always been masculine and I have always assumed the leadership role in everything I do from sports to charity events and managing my own fishing team . This has caused my friends to primarily consist of jocks. The type of people where you don't know if there opened or closed minded which has spawned fear and doubt in my own mind that if I do come out I will lose the respect of my team and my leadership roles. Which leaves me torn as I only want to surround myself with those who respect me for me however at what cost will it come I feel as if my passion is at stake.

Over the past month I have came out so far to my southern home schooled religious cousin and my childhood best friend who is now in the military both of which took the news well and are supportive the sooner of which surprised me. Now comes the difficult part of telling my co captain and long time friend along with my brothers and father . I know 1 of my brothers will be supportive however I do not know if he is trustworthy enough to keep it a secret until i'm ready to be out. The other 3 I generally think the reaction will be good but i'm unsure of what to do any advice on any of this would be much appreciated.

[LJay]

If you want one of your brothers to keep quiet then keep him quiet by not telling him until you are ready to have him talking about it to others.

As for being alone in dealing with your sexuality, we all are. Being young and learning to deal with the feelings you have about sex is a very lonely thing. Some have more supportive environments than others, but we are basically all alone in facing ourselves. You may find help from a professional and you can start with that by going to your family doctor. As for the jocks, you may find that many of those guys are more understanding than you assume. They are people with complex feelings, too.

Take your time and work through things at your own pace. You are not obligated to tell everyone you know of your private feelings and struggles. You will find a couple of folks that are more helpful than others. Start from there.

And come back here when you wish. Lots of guys here have been through this.

[Rareboy]

Welcome!!

Glad to read that you are getting your stuff sorted out. Self-recognition can help you gain confidence and realize emotional and sexual fulfillment more easily if you are comfortable in your own skin. Letting others know that you have an interest in males as well as females may be confusing for some of them....but increasingly it is less and less of an issue as more and more guys are open about it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Accept thing things you cannot change... That is to say you can't change what others think and feel -

Change the things you can - you can, to a greater degree than most people imagine, change how you feel about what others feel.

Now the really sad part, more often than not that change the things part means learning indifference. Indifference is the true opposite of love and hate and like and all other things.

This means you most likely will indeed become rejected somewhere here, and you need to learn how to be indifferent to that rejection.

But... knowing who really loves you (not your sexuality, that is only a minor thing) does make life a lot easier in the long run.

As an aside, I would wait until after the holidays to spring this on anyone else. holidays are just too busy of a time and most people don't have room to process new news.

[ShiftyNJ]

Sports is kind of the last frontier when it comes to LGBT acceptance. Check out these groups hopefully other people's stories will give you some moral support and ideas.
You Can Play Project
Out Sports
Ben Cohen's Stand Up Foundation

[matty7]

well Point out to your co captain that you can still do the job just as before and hope he accepts this....its surprising how many people that you actually need in your life do accept been gay - the rest who do not are maybe best avoided for a time to give them time to get used to the idea...and for you to become more confident in yourself - maybe this step is you taking control of your life which I hope will give you that stable life you speak of

[dynamodean]

Hi and welcome to GS.

We share some things in common, I am also bisexual and although I'm not adopted, I have a stepfather since my biological father left when I was little. Congratulations on coming out to those that you trusted the most...it only gets easier from here. Don't rush things and take your time. If you have to question it, then it's probably not the right time. You will know when it comes. Take things at your own pace.

[ShiftyNJ]

Coincidentally enough, this was posted today:

[Drock91]

Thank you for the support and insight guys it is true sports is the final frontier and I might have an opportunity to play football for an SEC university in the upcoming years but for now I am going to play everything by ear and not rush it currently I am scouting those who I care about to see how they will react to the news by telling them about the anti-bullying experience I had at my college this past semester where I protected a smaller victim from getting bullied because he was gay and so far the feedback I'm getting is everyone is proud that I stopped a violent situation against someone who is innocent so that's a good sign that they will be at the very least indifferent but as someone said that can be just as painful and if I am to arrive at that situation I would step back and let that person breathe and let them see for themselves that I am still the same person and i'm still good at what I do and the only thing that had changed is that you know a little more about me that you didn't know before.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Bowyn Aerrow's advice is good, IMO. Others who have issue with your sexuality? That's THEIR issues. Don't let them make it be your issues.

I know it's cliche, man. But just be yourself yeah? You can't do anything more than that. If others can't handle it? Then let them deal with that issue, it's not for you to deal with. (It all falls in with that indifferent BA mentioned, yeah?)