This Christmas is different...

[Hardheaded1]

Friends are working, or are busy hanging out with other people. I used to have group weekends with a few close friends. That changed when they either broke up with one another, or stopped being friends with me/vice versa; or had changing work schedules or changed jobs. Still trying to organize group weekends again with a few of them though.

Try again. Scale down. Find one, or two. They're bored too. You may be avoiding and isolating. Sounds like it.

I'd go out and see the lights, but it is cold, and it is windy. And I don't want to drive.

Do you want your depression to change, or do you want to make excuses. Go see the lights, and get whoever you invite to drive.

I don't go to church, I need to find a club I feel like I belong in, and I don't really have much family - everyone lives out of state.

Look up Meetup.com. It has all sorts of groups: photography, card players, hikers, discussion, etc. People are meeting with a common interest, spanning demographics. Try it.

My neighbors that I'm close with are extremely religious and I've no idea what "stance" they might have on anything LGBT. I did find a book left on their kitchen counter about same sex marriage and God once when I was looking after their dogs. I don't remember the title, but I do remember bits of that book and…well…it has a mixed message. I figured I'd let them form their own opinion from it.

It doesn't sound like you plan on fucking your neighbors, so it seems a moot point. Exactly what are you thinking will be a problem. Are you planning on discussing politics or socializing?

Truth be told, when the school semester is going on, aside from homework at home and classes taking me out of the house (a reason why I will never do online classes at this point), I usually end up finding some little project to work on - usually an excuse to get out of the house. Usually that's photography, window shopping and scenic drives - it inspires me to create ideas with art. Unfortunately, during winter or summer breaks, I can't go anywhere without a huge argument coming from her (unless a friend comes over) - a job would help out, but with the number of applications (and repeat applications) this year, and only a few job interviews (I almost got a job at Walgreens this year)…it's hard. I usually begin looking for jobs after the start of the semester so I can get back into a routine.

It sounds like you are enabling your mom to have more sway than a man might at your age. I know she's unstable, but your leaving to go somewhere shouldn't be arbitrary. Are you giving off signals that you're a minor? Sure, a parent has say-so about what happens in the house, but about leaving it?

Most classmates that I come across and end up befriending rarely if ever try to keep in touch. It just doesn't seem to fit with community college culture, especially where I attend.

YOU have to be the initiator and make the friendship stronger. YOU have to say, "let's split a pizza, Carl, and Becky. It's probably the only 3-way we're going to see this year." :p

A little sidebar humor I have with this is the whole "college sweetheart" cliché - especially when there's a guy that's really friendly. I can never tell if someone is gay unless there's some visual clues about them, and even there that can be misleading. (And my school has cut its club program, which doesn't help). Someone told me to use those dating apps to find people and I just think that's awkward and a little demeaning (especially where apps like and including Grindr are concerned).

If you're this shy in person, the apps seem less likely to help. You simply have to get to know another student well enough. If he isn't gay, be glad for the friend.

Now get out there and try again. You've got the answer in your power to change. Good luck.

[Virge]

It sounds tough Chris.

Can you answer some questions?

Are you working at all now?
You said you graduate in the spring. What's your major?

I'll check back.

Associates in Art History. I love art, I love history, I love both combined. Not sure what I want to do with it; been eyeing education, journalism and music degrees after this. And no, unfortunately I'm not working.

I checked to find out about the number of people with AA degrees in Art History who go on to get jobs in that field. Not good. Only 7% of graduates who find full-time employment go into the arts, design and culture industries. That 7% also includes people with Bachelor and Masters degrees as well. In other words there's a 93% chance your choices in education will have no direct positive effect on possible career opportunities.
http://www.theguardian.com/money/2011/ap...rt-history

The words of yours I emphasized in red make it evident you approached this without any realistic long range career plan. Don't get me wrong and don't think I'm being nasty. I'm just pointing out the obvious. The guys in here will tell you I'm a history freak but when I started higher education I was less interested in following my love of history than I was in coming out of four years with a degree that would assure me a career.

If it was me at your age, I'd have already found a job, any type of job I could get in order to work while going to school.

But something tells me you'll probably have a good excuse for not having done that already. Get out there and stay out there applying and networking until you find something.

[ChrisH]

To Virge:

You are correct; for the last year at least, I've regretted choosing this degree. Previously, I was a business major. And I didn't see that getting very far either. It definitely wouldn't hurt me to go back to school after graduating late next spring. If it hadn't been for my father's retirement and GI Bill transferal; I may not be going to college at all these days.

As for the job market here - I wouldn't call this an excuse, more like reasoning if anything else - it's not been that good for those my age, especially those who didn't get an early start with employment at younger ages. Nevertheless, the job search is never ending. I've been planning a lot of things since starting college in 2010; I've already been given advice to slow down a bit with this, there's no hurry.



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To Hardheaded1:

I'm not isolating. Two of my friends were dating each other and then split. Neither wanted to hang out for a long time after that. I love them both, they're great people to be around; but they're now exes to each other and it's just, well, really awkward for everyone. The other friend I had became too much to handle, with the constant hitting on me while I was already dating someone else. That leaves my best friend because she and I always get together to hang out - it may not be as extensive as with a group of friends, but she's always up for an adventure somewhere in town.

(I don't know why I went off on that tangent with my neighbors other than the fact that they're good friends with my family.)

There are so many things that I could do to help myself regarding my mother, however, take note that I've not mentioned my father. He does let me get away things that my mother certainly wouldn't without her causing a massive s***-fit drama speech followed by ranting to my father about something I did that he may or may not have let me do that she did not like. And that's the very thing I try to avoid. Honestly, for my parents, I think it's best if I eventually move out.

I can be very socially awkward; it's why I'm not the initiator with things unless I actually know someone.

The apps used to help a bit, but I for one grew very tired of being offered sex or being asked to show a penis selfie, or having guys planning to meet with me and then they either back out of it and I never hear from them again, they don't show or it's just simply very little chemistry in person. Plus, I really grew tired of seeing every guy's torso, empty profiles and guys who didn't reply to messages. I could keep on going with other issues I see with these apps, but I'm cutting it short. I like to meet people organically, but, as previously mentioned, I need to break through this socially awkward stage. We all do eventually anyway.

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Thanks for the replies everyone.

- Chris