I kind of have a girlfriend but I kind of like guys

[MikeW]

[MENTION=22155]TheNewsie[/MENTION] ... Homophobia really fucks things up -- and this is a classic example. You're struggling with accepting yourself and have no support from your family, friends, community. What's worse, now, as a consequence, another person is involved -- and you've gotten yourself into a super awkward situation. There is just no easy way that I can see to be out of this. You're going to have to present some reason why you don't want to physically intimate with her and she's not going to like it, regardless what it is. Maybe someone else has some bright ideas but I sure as hell don't. You're NOT really a "bad" person... you're just afraid and or ill prepared to deal with the challenges you're having to deal with. You've made some decisions that are now biting you in the ass. (We all do one way and another.) Thing is, though, you're going to have to deal with them and, other than being honest and getting the truth out there, I don't see any way to do it without hurt feelings and worse.

At least you have a community here you can talk to about all this. Wishing you good luck!

[LJay]

This is nuts! Sit down with the girl NOW and tell her that you really are not ready for a relationship and that you must back out of the European trips. Tell her that accepting such a generous and expensive gift is simply not right to you.

Buck up and get honest. You are being entirely indecisive and letting your self be tossed around by other people, both the girl and your family. I don't think that you need to come out to anyone right now, but you do need to face up to your being weak when it comes to other people.

Sit down with the girl NOW.

And, by the way, sit down with yourself and try explaining, to yourself, just why you want to go to Europe so badly that you would take advantage of someone else to get there. Such actions certainly do not indicate strong character. You should be ashamed.

[TheNewsie]

I know it's terrible and I am ashamed, believe me.
But I do think it's easier for her to be told the truth in a situation wth less pressure.

I can imagine it's worse being dumped when you already paid for a trip with non-refundable tickets before you actually get to go on the trip.

It might be easier to play along and tell her when we are back so she at least has some nice travel memories. I don't want her to have wasted her planning and money.

[dynamodean]

This is a classic case of letting things spiral out of control...way out of control. I say stop the bleeding right here and come out with the truth to your girl(friend). If she doesn't like it now, she will really hate you later after making her pay for the trips and stringing her along for that amount of time. This doesn't mean you have to come out to everyone, and we all understand how difficult it is when you're surrounded by homophobic people. I say come out to her, and if she is a true friend, she will accept it. From then on she can be your support system and allow you to build confidence before you gradually come out to others.

[ck86]

Oh dude! You got to tell her about things ASAP. Going away with her just makes her feel used and abused and will make her feel nothing but angry and annoyed at you. Even if her tickets are non refundable she will at least feel that you have some respect for her and yourself. As the others have already said, you wouldn't let a friend pay for everything so why are you letting her pay for this? On the other hand of you can afford to pay for the trip, you probably should so she isn't loosing out. If she is happy for the two of you to go along as friends then pay for the costs for you and arrange for twin rooms in the hotels or book separate rooms! It's time to man up and tell her how things are.

As things are already homophobic there, there's no point in adding more fuel to the fire and giving people more things to be unhappy about you!!

[ck86]

Sorry to be harsh but it had to be said.

[Rareboy]

I know it's terrible and I am ashamed, believe me.
But I do think it's easier for her to be told the truth in a situation wth less pressure.

I can imagine it's worse being dumped when you already paid for a trip with non-refundable tickets before you actually get to go on the trip.

It might be easier to play along and tell her when we are back so she at least has some nice travel memories. I don't want her to have wasted her planning and money.

Oh my God. You just aren't getting it.

Once again, you are looking for the easy way out.

What you have to do is sit down with her right now and explain that you can't have a relationship with her. I think you should risk all and tell her why, but that is just me preferring to be honest.

What you can do is tell her that you'd still like to travel with her to Europe...[COLOR="Red"][SIZE="7"]but that you insist on paying your own way.
[/SIZE][/COLOR] You know, like a responsible adult would do. Or, if she doesn't want to travel with you because you are telling her that there is no chance of a relationship, that you will reimburse her for your share of the tickets and she can travel with another friend.

Your idea of tagging along so that she'll have nice travel memories is just childish nonsense. The memory of the trip will be marred by your avoidance of her physical advances and destroyed by your subsequent betrayal of her. She will feel cheap and used.

For fuck's sakes. Be a man about this. And do not come back here whining about how you can't afford to pay your own way and that you realize that you are a horrible person. Figure out how you are going to pay her the money. BE the better person.

And then give your head a shake and start making sure that this isn't going to be the way you live the rest of your life.

[ck86]

Another well thought out post by [MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION]

Totally agreed!

[Pcolakuntryboy]

She's probably expecting some hot sex on that trip. She's probably having all sorts of fantasies about what the two of you are going to do. Like the others have said, end it NOW. You're digging yourself in deeper.

[TheNewsie]

Alright alright, so I did tell her this morning and, let's say she didn't take it that well.
In retrospect, it was a crappy idea to tell her after all but it's quite spectacular so I'm going to share it.
It does soundike a very cheap rom-com movie script but I Lear Ed from this story:

FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T TELL A GIRL WHO THINKS SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU'RE NOT INTO HER ON HER BIRTHDAY!!!

So I went to our mutual friend's place this morning because she's staying there and her parents were there as well. After she introduced me to her parents as her boyfriend - can this get even worse? - and she unwrapped her present (an art book on her favorite painter) and an envelope with exactly the money for the trip, I tried to explain the situation to her but her family was everywhere and we didn't get to talk until she was preparing some bakeries in the kitchen. I was helping out and explained to her that the money, she still refused to take it, is for the trip and I don't want her to pay for it for reasons that are following and I will pay for everything. So she was confused and instantly upset and I just blurted out that I don't think "is" is working out because I'm not sexually attracted to her. She was going off and thought I was cheating on her and I reassured her that I'm not and that I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet. She refused to listen and started screaming that She will not be bought out of the trip like that and I've never seen her as angry. I wanted to tell her so bad why exactly this won't work out and I told her it's me and not her I tried to calm her down and she didn't take it well and screamed "don't touch me" and I told her "I wont" and she stepped toward me and meant "maybe you should for once" and I backed off and she was offended by me avoiding physical contact and was so upset as I really avoided her because I really did not want to be touched.

She flipped out and threw her stick blender and bowl at me! Which caused me to trip and smack my head at the bookshelf and while going down two wooden bookends came down on my forehead.
When I ce to I was at the ER where her parents had taken me. My parents came to pick me up and cover the cost for the 15 stitches on my forehead which had been cut open.

I ignored her calls until she came over for lunch and she gave me a package of band-aids and half the money for the tickets. We agreed to split costs and she apologized for her reaction and she said she was rushing us into a relationship and she'd take it more slowly from now on. When I told her we won't take this anywhere not even slowly she was really weird and did not accept it and said "we'll see about that".
I did remember that she threw a stick blender at me but I told her and my parents that I tripped and we were just screaming because of the noise of the blender. They kind of night it and she knew I could have blamed her for it.

I did not want to push it any further and she still insisted I come to her party tonight. She did apologize again and cut me off every time I wanted to tell her in-depth reasons. She just ignored the fact I don't like her... And still thinks we'll get it to work.

So I'm heading over to this party tonight and I have no idea how to handle this. I don't see any possibility to get through to her unless I like push her away forcefully among all party guests and scream "I'm gay for Christ's sake!"

I know I'm immature and indecisive but seriously I think even cheating on her with a random girl is a better solution in order to make her unlike me. She just won't give up.