A little freaked out

[GuyOverThere]

I slept with a guy last August who has just these last few days informed me that he is HIV+. The other guy has tried to reassure me that there's no chance of me catching anything, as he's "undetectable" and we used a condom. That's not the point. I would never have slept with him, had I have known in the first place. I can't believe people weren't honest with me from the start.

Is there any chance at all I could have picked something up? Really quite worried.

[JackTX]

Impossible to say. Go get tested for your piece of mind. Don't wait.

[AlfredM]

If I'm not mistaken,by law,he is not obligated to disclose his status as long as there's protection. Not sure which country's law that I read though. What he said is true though,if he's undetectable and he used protection,unless there's condom breakage,or wounds,it's safe of course. Even safer than someone who claimed to be HIV- but in fact he's in the window period where the viral loads is at its peak and very contagious.

Go get tested for the peace of mind and insist on HIV status disclosure next time with proof even. Better get tested with NAT to avoid window period ambiguity on normal test.

[Virge]

If you used a condom chances are on your side but I can't blame you for being pissed about not being told until 4 months later.

Go get checked and get it off your list of things to worry about.

[Rareboy]

Don't look over your shoulder.

Just get tested. I'm sure that all will be fine.

[Wolfpack]

Go get yourself tested, and it was wrong of this guy not to have been honest with you from the start.

[East]

Did he know he was HIV+ at the time? If so...I think he should have told you but if this is something that scares you I think that you should assume responsibility for your own heath today and in the future anyway and assume everyone is possibly infected..and proceed accordingly...

For example...what if he was HIV+ and never told you?...or what if he was HIV+ and newly infected..and didn't know?

Also...to put it in perspective...most people make bad choices that will ultimately lead to their death...from smoking cigarettes to filling your arteries with fat....driving while intoxicated or talking on the cell phone. I could go on and on...

.....and a lot of people make bad choices that affect other people...like the nurse with ebola who decided to ignore the quarantine...or the millions of people who have the flu and who knowingly go out in public and interact with other people. The flu kills LOTS of people every year.....yet very little, if any, outrage for the individuals who do not disclose their status to the unsuspecting public...some of whom DO die because of it...so once again....we all should take precautions and proceed accordingly...

There is a stigma and moral outrage/judgements attached to sexually transmitted diseases unfortunately and thus they are blown out of proportion. Some people today will die a virgin due to fear of sex and disease...I think that sucks....which is why I think it is much better to put it in perspective for your own sanity and continued healthy sex life.

[meridannight]

even having unprotected anal sex with an HIV+ guy does not mean you will certainly contract it yourself. the statistical probability is still low on that. when you use a condom it's nearly impossible. if his bodily fluids (blood, precum, and semen) did not come in contact with yours, then you are worrying about nothing. you're not gonna contract this thing out of thin air.

some of the statistics on HIV contraction are up on wikipedia and in this study here:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2852627/

and here:

http://www.aidsmap.com/Study-looks-at-ri...e/1418657/

the rate of transmission for having sex with an HIV+ guy is still around 1%, according to that. i doubt you have anything to worry about, however, you should get tested after a few months to make sure, and, of course, you should use condoms every single time you have sex until you can be more sure.

you are much more likely to contract something else than HIV. and if you used a condom, like you said, you are blowing it out of proportion and reacting through some irrational fear. did you not check the scientific data on this thing at least after finding out he was HIV-positive, if not before? how can a sexually-active person not educate themselves on this topic in the 21st century, with all the information available on the internet. i do not get that.

[ck86]

As the others said get tested. Even if you are having safe sex you should get tested every 3 to 6 months unless you are both in a monogamous relationship. The risk ratio depends on how safe the activity was. I don't know anyone who uses condoms for oral sex but the risk is lower in that than in penetrative sex and then the risk if higher to the guy who's bottomed.

Best thing is to get tested and now is a good time to go. (Usually a baseline plus one in 3 months) for high risk exposure for example after any unprotected sex. In the UK it's free so no excuses!

[GuyOverThere]

Thanks for replying. Feeling quite a bit reassured.

My nearest clinic is open on select days, so I'll make it a priority for next week. It's almost 6 months since my last test, so I need to go anyway.