My boyfriend got STD

[Anonymous]

We've been together for like 6 weeks and we only got tested together last week. This week we got the full result and apparently he's positive for HAV,HSV-I,and HSV-II. I am clean though. I was completely confused as what to do after getting the result,but my first step was refraining from any sexual activity at the moment.

I've been doing some reading and even consulted my friend who's a physician. Unfortunately,his first word after knowing my bf has herpes was "unforgivable". I should have expected that since he's also very judgmental,but that bothers me now. The reading put me at ease a bit. At least I know that it's quite common to be infected by herpes of type I,but not as much for type II. Still,the symptoms don't ease me at all. Same goes with the symptoms of Hep A and its final consequence. I don't rim,ever,so it's safe to assume I will very unlikely contract Hep A from my bf,but if by accident I do,then I will be devastated. I probably should get vaccinated now,but do I stop having sex for 6 months to let the vaccination process finishes?

Funny thing,I might have gotten both herpes virus from him by now,but since the test has window period like HIV, that's probably why I tested negative for both. I have had a symptom like itching at anus though and got that cured by topical cream.

I'm just at loss as what to do now. We just dated,and now I'm scared to have sex with him despite all my readings. I still very much like him,and I know he's the same person, but I honestly don't see us having any future together as he's an illegal here (we've talked about it and I just prefer to avoid the topic now as it leads nowhere). I'm so confused of what should I do now. Do I want to risk myself getting infected (by Hep A since I probably has got herpes virus by now)? It's hurting my head thinking about this. Any advice?

[JackTX]

Unless this is True Love for both of you, I'd just end it. This is a huge bomb in the middle of the relationship and your health is at stake. This also raises huge questions about the other guy's behavior and level of responsibility. And it may be just a lack of education but you shouldn't have to pay the price for that.

I would abstain from sex and wait for further testing. Take some time for yourself and focus on friendships and hobbies for a while if you can.

Next time I would make mutual testing an EARLY part of the dating process.

Crossing my fingers for ya...

[ck86]

Strictly speaking Hep A isn't a STD. It's contracted normally from seafood or incorrectly cooked food.

Herpes unfortunately is extremely common and may not represent current infection. It's difficult to clear and even if has been treated will still show as present.

Is he symptomatic?

And where do you see things going? If you don't see a future then tell him the truth but it's a bit harsh to pin it down to this.

[LJay]

I have to concur with ck86 here. You should face up and split up. And I don't mean that you should fritter and play crama games. Do it now. You simply do not need these diseases as part of your life. Get real. This is not the sort of person you need to like. As JackBone says, "This also raises huge questions about the other guy's behavior and level of responsibility. '

After you split up, get yourself to a good doctor or STD clinic and get your status and the proper treatment of it sorted out.

[Anonymous]

I would say it is lack of education on his part,as before he met me,he wasn't even aware of the danger of unprotected sex (he confessed he had one before).

Yes Hep A is still considered as STD cause you can pass the virus from the trace of your stool at anus to the other person via oral-to-anal contact and such.

He only got cold sore as of now,and it's almost recovered,but previously he never had any symptoms. No other symptoms for both Hep A and Herpes.

Yes,honestly,I don't see things going anywhere,but we were infatuated,so I just want the honeymoon to last a bit longer. I guess the honeymoon is over.

He's being very suicidal lately after I refuse to have any sexual contact with him including kissing or even jerking off together. And today we met,and I could feel the air filled with depression,my words didn't get through him. I'm trying to help,but at the same time,he also noticed I don't love him the same way anymore,which is making it worse. He's meeting a doctor this Monday,hopefully the doctor could convince him that life could still be good.

Officially we haven't break up yet,but I suppose it's just a matter of making it official than it already is. It's over.

[princealbertofb]

Counselling, anonymous? The last thing you need to do is NOT TALK.

There are other ways of having sex and showing tenderness than fucking or kissing (when the cold sore is out), or giving blow jobs. You should maybe find out, together, what sexual acts would be the safest at this stage and agree to only do those until things are cleared up, or until you can feel comfortable. The vaccination sounds like a good idea and in that case you certainly should heed the advice of the doctor who gives you the shot on how long it would take for you to become immune to the disease...

[princealbertofb]

I have to concur with ck86 here. You should face up and split up. And I don't mean that you should fritter and play crama games. Do it now. You simply do not need these diseases as part of your life. Get real. This is not the sort of person you need to like. As JackBone says, "This also raises huge questions about the other guy's behavior and level of responsibility. '

After you split up, get yourself to a good doctor or STD clinic and get your status and the proper treatment of it sorted out.

I don't know. If things can still be saved, maybe this will be his wake up call to show more responsibility from now on. First of all, Anonymous's partner needs to heal what can be healed. This healing will probably be quicker and easier if Anonymous shows him some kind of support. And they might both need counselling, if they are to try keeping the relationship going.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately,we don't have the privilege of counselling here for gay couples.

I don't think there's much left to be saved at this point (our relationship). I am showing him some support, but not in sex department. He's very suicidal lately,talking about killing himself and his life is finished. Some of it is my fault because of the way I reacted initially.

His cold sore is almost healed. Aside from that,he's asymptomatic,so there's nothing to be healed. I know there are other ways of having sex and showing tenderness,but I've totally lost my sex appetite towards him.

You could say this could be his wake up call,but that's besides the point. I'm trying to stop him from committing suicide at the moment. But still,I'm breaking up with him,which I suppose will be last push for him to do it. We're meeting tomorrow,but how am I supposed to do this?

[Cuddly]

Tell him how you feel. You can't be with somebody with herpes and hep A. Whenever you look at him all you see is his disease, because you're shallow like that. You can't have a sexual relationship when you're afraid of the sexing.

I tried to make that about you, instead of him, to maybe make him feel better.

[Anonymous]

Because I'm afraid of having sex with him,even kissing him,that's exactly why he's being suicidal. But you made a good point,I should focus on making him feel better. Hopefully it will work. *crossing my fingers*