I am in tuff spot . Well I think so anyway ,I am married and have 2 kids and in the closet .I am in love with a man that is younger than me and I have cheated on my wife with this man and it was a total accident .We never meant for this to happen but it did and I can not undo it . My problem is that I feel so guilty about it ever time I look at my wife and kids I get this horrible feeling way down deep and I am so ashamed of my self. I want to be with this man so bad he knows that I am married and he is OK with it .Just the other day he asked me to be his boyfriend and later down the road he wants to get married !! He is willing to wait for me to get a divorce and for me to be ready to marry him , I am so confused right now do I tell my family and get with this man or do I put him on the back burner and try to save my marriage ?? I would really like to hear what you think I should do . If you have a questions I will try to answer them . Thanks and have a great day !!!
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I think I'll just let my baby's moral compass speak for me on this one.
Come clean, man. It' the only way you're ever going to deal with that guilt you're feeling and figure out where you're going with all this and what is right. For you. For him. For your wife and your kids. None of them deserve to live a lie.
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You need to be open and honest with everyone involved, or will only make yourself and those around miserable.
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What i'm about to say wont be pretty so if you don't want my honest opinion skip over it.
To even entertain the idea of divorcing your wife and leave your kids in a broken marriage speaks volumes of your character.
Furthermore the fact this guy is fine with that is also telling. If your unhappy with your wife over something she did, or perhaps something you want her to start doing better/differently to make you happy then talk to her about it! As a couple your significant other should try and make you as happy as possible (that door swings both ways), perhaps your marriage needs a bit more spice!
I'm absolutely floored you would even consider breaking off a marriage and put your children through all that over some guy! Perhaps you two indeed deserve each other, as was stated above cheating IS NOT an accident its a choice! However with how this guy seems to view commitments and marriage I would not be surprised one day in the future he "accidentally" cheats on you.
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okay. first off, there is NOTHING wrong with meeting someone and wanting to be with them. and you should not feel guilty about that.
second, all the moralizing people can tell you how wrong is it to cheat, but you're a physical being, and sometimes things do happen that we never plan for. if it happened, then obviously part of you wanted it to happen. which is the key point here. and it wasn't right or wrong. it's just human behavior, and it happens. and it's nothing to beat yourself up for.
the important thing to do now, is to figure out who you want to be with. it's not an easy decision, but the situation is that simple. you can't have them both, unless your conscious is up for it. some people can do it, and live like that for years, but you don't sound like one of them. and it's not really fair to the other parties involved.
so, make up your mind, and go from there. it's not that difficult. if you removed all the negative consequences/aspects of either decision and if you were free to make up your mind without any criticism directed at you -- which person would you want to be with then? it has to be a free decision like this, not dependent on any conditions, because conditions are always modifiable. another way to think about it is this --- if both of them left you today and were removed from your life, which one would you miss more?
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I know that I need to come out and tell them .I have been doing a lot of reading here and I got the nerve up to tell him I have the crush and we talked about it and he says he suspected it but was not sure . Now I know that I want to be with him and he says he wants to be with me too . I think I will sit down tonight and tell the family and see what happens! I hope they take it better than I am afraid they do
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