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It will get better... someday. Hang in there.
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Patience, Lonley, but don't promise anything that you (if you think about it) won't be able to uphold. Not telling about who you've been seeing is probably best for the moment. It will only become an issue if you hook up with him for a longer period of your life, when he becomes a side-kick to your family, of sorts. At that point, the kids will have to deal with him as a partner, or any other partner you may have then. We're talking about the future.
My partner also left his house and family (but his last kids were older than yours) and left everything to his wife. He then had nowhere to go, and not enough money to buy or rent a place of his own. Fortunately his recently widowed father asked him if he would move into the parental house, which he did. You've got to think of your options. You'll have a life too, so be generous to her, ok, but don't promise what you can't. What is fair is to give her the divorce, and to give her her life back, so she can find someone new, once she's dealt with the separation, and start a new love life.
She might, eventually be grateful to you for telling her you could no longer live the lie.
As for your children, don't lie to them. You're allowed NOT to know things, such as how life will pan out from now on, but don't tell them things that won't happen or that aren't true. But because of their age, there is a way of telling them things that they can perfectly understand. Find examples in tv programmes and books, if you can, so they can relate to you and the right of every man and woman to be happy and find their real soul mate. Good luck with those explanations. Of course the children will worry, they might even think your separation is their fault. Make them understand that they are not at fault and that things like this just happen sometimes, for all sorts of reasons. Remind them that you still love them and care about them, and you are trying to find solutions to a difficult situation, so that no one gets hurt more than is necessary.
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Thanks everyone I really mean that . I am trying to do my best with her and the kids .I have made an appointment with a therapist I sure hope he can help . I am trying my best to be supportive and I am in the dark how to deal with the kids I am trying to be honest with them . I talked to him after I made the last post and he is flip back and forth on me making me so confused ,first he wants me then he does not want to wait now he is talking like he will wait .I told him I have to wait I am not ready to move forward with him until I am done with the wife and then we can talk about and there is no promises that I will be with him . He said he understood that I have to work things out here first .
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Are you sure you want to stay in the same house as your wife right now? Maybe staying there and going through possessions with her is making things worse and upsetting her more. Maybe staying with a friend or something would provide a cooling-off time of sorts where you and she could both get your thoughts together a bit more. Just a thought. Hope things get better!
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Yea I have thought about it making harder on her staying here . I really do not have any other option at this time , I am trying to figure out how to leave but right now I am so strapped for cash right now trying to get a few bills caught up so I can leave . To be honest I am looking forward to leaving and not fighting all the time . But on the other hand I am scared to death also .I do not know what I am going to do when I do have to leave I hope that I am strong enough to do it .
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Going to do it !!!
She is nuts again today she is pissed and wants to know who I slept with and wants me to tell her where he lives .I refuse to tell her I think that is a bad Idea and will only cause more problems because I feel there be a huge fight . She has went and unpacked all the boxes we packed yesterday and taken back most what she told me to take . I am trying so hard not to be a dick to her but this is really starting to get to me and I am not sure how much more I can take . Kids seem kinda distant and really do not want to be in the same room as me ,I am not going to make them do anything they do not want to .
