Going to do it !!!

[lonley]

I am hoping that she will come around and I know that it will take time. I want to be there for her if she needs something .I hope that we can be friends once this is all done but I am doubtful right now . It is like walking on egg shells right now !! I know you all say it is going to take time but I will be glad once its all over . I was even thinking about telling her never mind about me being gay I will stay with you if you will let me and we can work past the affair I will just go back into the closet .But I do not think that will fix the problem tho

[Rareboy]

I'm not at all surprised that there was a fight with violence. In fact I predicted it.

At least at this point is doesn't involve physical violence. But I suspect that this also is just a matter of time.

[princealbertofb]

One of the things is, she's lashing out. She's still angry and confused about what she's discovered.
She's going to be thinking of ways to get her own back and to get back at you. You must insist that she is not to drag the children into the equation. But now it's out in the open, you should not try to squeeze back into that closet. Like a zipper that keeps coming undone, you'll never manage to keep your junk in your pants from now on. Rip the pants off and buy yourself a new pair (if you get my drift).

Ok, so the mistake of thinking you could make a good straight partner is yours (partly?How much is society to blame, though?). I suppose you wanted a normal life, a life with a spouse and some children. You've achieved part of that. I think she may be thinking that you're throwing it all away, and she's probably really worried also about what's going to happen to her and the kids. What's her social background? Does she know how difficult it is to be a single mother (again)? Is that something that she's experienced in her family background?

I'd say, try to put yourself in her shoes and think about what her prospects are if you leave the family unit. (Note that I'm not encouraging you to stay in the family unit, because I believe it would be detrimental to both your mental healths (yours and your wife's). How much is she worried about the neighbours and family finding out? Who will she be able to turn to for support?

You will, if you get that divorce, have to continue supporting your children, maybe even owe your ex wife alimony. Life for a divorced man is not easy, but if you play your cards right, you might just be able to get your life back.

I wonder if your wife thinks you're a 'pervert'... Is she mixing up homosexuality with paedophilia, maybe. So many people do. Does she think you'll be a dangerous influence on her children?

Coming from a divorced family myself, I know how much damage my mother made to my father (not willfully, I might add, just from desperation and sadness, I guess) and to my father's image. It has now been restored, he's not the monster he was made up to be, but I wish we hadn't been fed so much 'poison' about him at the time. I realise it was all fed by her expectations and her religion. She eventually made amends, bless her. But here's the rub, no parent should ever use the children as a punching ball against his or her spouse. Beware of that happening. Still, put yourself in her shoes, and see what her options are. Then look at your options. Try to be realistic.

Take care and good luck with the follow up, Lonley.

[Rareboy]

So when do you see a therapist?

[Nanaki]

I was even thinking about telling her never mind about me being gay I will stay with you if you will let me and we can work past the affair I will just go back into the closet .But I do not think that will fix the problem tho

She deserves someone who she wants completely and wants her completely in return, and so do you. Do you think you can ever be that for each other?

[lonley]

Well I was going to see my therapist yesterday but things did not work out I had to cancel . I think I understand what she is going threw and I am not mad at her for acting this way and I will not EVER hit her or the kids that is not an option !! Yea she did try to get me to do it she kept say hit me come hit the she tried to keep me from leaving the room and kept scream hit make sure you leave a mark to and called me nasty names . I know why she wants me to leave a mark and hit her so she can have me thrown in jail I am not stupid tho and I told her this .Then she tried to make me believe that she was on a dating site and some guy was on his way over to screw her silly and I better get out of the bed cause she needed it . I said nope bring him on we can tag team him ! lol That pissed her off so bad and I was not trying to do that ,well maybe a little ok I was a lot rofl . Before you all jump me I know that was the wrong thing to say but I was pissed off and it was all I could think to say . So today she is being cool and we are talking somewhat normal again and she keeps trying to get me to say that I love her and I told her I do but I am not in love with her and she gets all mad then a few min later she is trying to get me in bed or say it again .I am loosing my freaking mind and there is not much left to loose lol

[Rareboy]

If you are losing your freaking mind, you should not have cancelled your therapist session.

If I were you, I'd be very afraid of the escalating neurosis and increasing violence.

[lonley]

I had to cancel it because of funds she went and empty the bank account so I was unable to go . I really do not know how this is going to work . I have started the process of having my disability check moved into another account . Then she can t take it all out again ! I know that I am not going to be violent because that would be bad on me when we go to court . She seems to have calmed down a lot and I am trying ever thing I can to have a place to go and soon I hope

[Rareboy]

Is your disability cheque the only family income?

You must realize that because you are on disability that you should be eligible for therapeutic counselling under Medicaid?

If your disability benefits are the only family income, how do you plan to support your children once you leave the family home?

[lonley]

my child gets a check against my social security and the wife gets a disability check also .I do have medicaid but they want a 518.00 a month what they call a spin down it is basically a copay that is right at half my check so I can't do that . I know that medicare will pay for some also but I really do not want to start over with a new one I am really comfortable with this one . It was so hard for me to start talking to him any way .