While you have received some good feedback from the others in this forum, the ongoing support of a trained professional to help you work through this is essential. As stated above, you were a child who didn't know the difference between your situation and "normal" childhood. Based upon what you have stated, you have nothing for which to blame yourself.
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JCasey Wrote:While you have received some good feedback from the others in this forum, the ongoing support of a trained professional to help you work through this is essential. As stated above, you were a child who didn't know the difference between your situation and "normal" childhood. Based upon what you have stated, you have nothing for which to blame yourself.
I absolutely vote for a qualified psychotherapist for this.
It will set you free.
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I'd push the "Thank" button on all of your posts, but I'm not all that keen on giving up my super secret identity.
Last night I spent some time reading some stuff on childhood trauma and brought all that stuff I mentioned up in my mind. That's why I made the thread. In a panic sort of.
This morning when I woke up I felt embarrassed that I had made the post to begin with, but I'm starting to feel a bit better about it. It's weird to admit the most shameful thing about myself... even if it's on the internet, and even if it's anonymously. But I definitely feel encouraged about talking to a therapist about it, which before last night I never even considered doing. I figured I'd take that one with me to the grave.
Thanks again everyone.
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Anonymous Wrote:I'd push the "Thank" button on all of your posts, but I'm not all that keen on giving up my super secret identity.
Last night I spent some time reading some stuff on childhood trauma and brought all that stuff I mentioned up in my mind. That's why I made the thread. In a panic sort of.
This morning when I woke up I felt embarrassed that I had made the post to begin with, but I'm starting to feel a bit better about it. It's weird to admit the most shameful thing about myself... even if it's on the internet, and even if it's anonymously. But I definitely feel encouraged about talking to a therapist about it, which before last night I never even considered doing. I figured I'd take that one with me to the grave.
Thanks again everyone.
Ohkay.. well..
I'm not trying to belittle your trauma or topping it, but everybody has baggage. Honestly, I don't think it's that big of a deal, that your mother was cheating on your dad, while she was sharing your room, by being sexual online. The only problem was you witnessing it, but really, what's so bad about it? Everybody does it, like it or not. It's essential to being human.
Either way, it's definately not YOUR shame to be carrying around. You didn't do anything wrong. You saw/heard something that your mother didn't mean for you to experience and that's unlucky.
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[MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION]
I never said that my experience is the worst possible thing that could happen to a person. I'm aware that it is not. I'm aware that I was not molested, or raped, or sold into prostitution, or forced to be a child soldier, or had my entire family die of AIDS before I turned seven, any of the other horrible things that happen to people less fortunate than I all over the world.
From what I assume that I'm supposed to infer from your post, you've probably experienced much worse than I. You have my theoretical sympathy. I didn't realize I was entering into a competition of "who had it worse." I was just sharing my personal experience and my feelings surrounding it.
Whenever someone says "I'm not trying to (fill in the blank), but (then they go on to do the thing they said they're not trying to do)" I don't believe it. Please at least take responsibility for wanting to belittle my feelings if that's what you're trying to do. Just because you think that I've overreacted and that my feelings aren't valid, don't mean they don't exist.
Re-reading both our posts I suspect that what inspired your response was my use of the word "trauma," as in "I was reading about childhood trauma last night." Just to be clear, I'm not attention seeking, nor do I think of myself as a victim. My mom behaved inappropriately, and perhaps I have overreacted. But like I mentioned before, this is the first time I've told anyone and I'm still not sure what it is I'm supposed to think or feel about it. I'm trying to figure that part out.
To reiterate, I understand that I'm extremely lucky in that I've avoided truly horrible things happening to me in my life. Your response is belittling and uncalled for and I would hope that you choose not be so dismissive the next time someone tries to discuss something that is difficult for them. If you felt that way, you could have chosen not to make any response.
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Anonymous Wrote:[MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION]
I never said that my experience is the worst possible thing that could happen to a person. I'm aware that it is not. I'm aware that I was not molested, or raped, or sold into prostitution, or forced to be a child soldier, or had my entire family die of AIDS before I turned seven, any of the other horrible things that happen to people less fortunate than I all over the world.
From what I assume that I'm supposed to infer from your post, you've probably experienced much worse than I. You have my theoretical sympathy. I didn't realize I was entering into a competition of "who had it worse." I was just sharing my personal experience and my feelings surrounding it.
Whenever someone says "I'm not trying to (fill in the blank), but (then they go on to do the thing they said they're not trying to do)" I don't believe it. Please at least take responsibility for wanting to belittle my feelings if that's what you're trying to do. Just because you think that I've overreacted and that my feelings aren't valid, don't mean they don't exist.
Re-reading both our posts I suspect that what inspired your response was my use of the word "trauma," as in "I was reading about childhood trauma last night." Just to be clear, I'm not attention seeking, nor do I think of myself as a victim. My mom behaved inappropriately, and perhaps I have overreacted. But like I mentioned before, this is the first time I've told anyone and I'm still not sure what it is I'm supposed to think or feel about it. I'm trying to figure that part out.
To reiterate, I understand that I'm extremely lucky in that I've avoided truly horrible things happening to me in my life. Your response is belittling and uncalled for and I would hope that you choose not be so dismissive the next time someone tries to discuss something that is difficult for them. If you felt that way, you could have chosen not to make any response.
As I immediatly stated in my previous post, I was not trying to belittle or top your trauma.
What I tried to say, was that I don't think you should be ashamed of sharing this.
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Cuddly Wrote:As I immediatly stated in my previous post, I was not trying to belittle or top your trauma.
What I tried to say, was that I don't think you should be ashamed of sharing this.
Yeah... I reread your post and...
I was totally out of line. I sincerely apologize. Apparently I'm a bit defensive, who knew? I must be on my man period.
I'm sorry again. I can see now that you were being helpful, not dismissive and you totally didn't deserve to have to read my pissy bitchfit.
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Anonymous Wrote:I'd push the "Thank" button on all of your posts, but I'm not all that keen on giving up my super secret identity.
OK, so I admit deliberately avoiding learning very much about how GS works, since the site's utilities all seem like they may date from the era of MS DOS, but I don't get what you could possibly be talking about here.
When you click on "Thank" for a post, does it suddenly activate the webcam on your laptop, or do your photo and GPS coordinates automatically get emailed to my Inbox?
Cuddly Wrote:, , , what's so bad about it?
A child is able to process what he is able to process. Saying that he should have not been afraid of the dark, ashamed of "spying" on his mother during sex acts, or any other traumatizing event is like telling a a toddler he should be a man and not cry.
The OP DID feel shame, DOES feel shame, and DOES have difficulty with resolving it. Logic is not likely to unseat it. Justness, guilt, and reason were not the tools he had at that age to deal with his feelings, and childhood fears become embedded deeply.
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You can't help feeling how you felt, or how you feel about it now. But you CAN help yourself by seeking professional assistance to help you come to an understanding, and hopefully, peaceful resolution.
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[MENTION=21866]Hardheaded1[/MENTION] The anonymous function that the OP posts with doesn't work on "thanks". It would thank with his normal account and thus (partially) unmask him.
And about my questioning what's so bad about it, I understand that it feels awkward and shameful for the OP, but I see nothing shameful about it. The fault isn't his (hers?) and I certainly don't hold him accountable. In essence, I was trying to make him feel a little better.
Obviously, it came out wrong. I read it again and I can see why. So the hissy-fit wasn't completely uncalled for 
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