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i wanna seek advice about this particular issue.
i am quite a religious guy and i'm gay.
but here is the thing. i feel i am made to think sex is dirty (due to religion). like sex is something very wrong to do. (my culture and society also emphasize it a lot). sex scenes are deleted from movies and amorous language is censored from the local literature here. so, you can get a picture of how the situation is like here.
though deep in my mind and heart, i do have strong sexual urges, i do end up feeling guilty about having them. i fear i might have difficulty being intimate with my partner in the future. (if i have one)
i feel like i'm almost in the same situation as the lady mentioned in the link.
http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge
i was thinking if it is alright if you can share with me some advice on how to overcome this unnecessary guilt and how to view sex so that i dun feel bad about doing it.
(i would like to clarify that this has nothing to do with homosexuality. i will also face the same guilt even if i was straight. my guilt is about sexual intercourse itself and not about being gay. i have long enough accepted my sexuality and am proud of it.)
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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ShiftyNJ Wrote:Are you a Christian or something else?
i'm a Hindu.
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yeh, if you're religious sex can be a problem. I've heard of consenting adults engaged in sex really bursting into flames or having the earth cleave open and swallow them as they screwed.
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My solution to balancing the needs of spirituality and the physical needs of the flesh:
I don't do random sexual encounters. I tried it twice to get an idea what it is like, and both times were not very satisfying. I discovered that for me sex has to be in context of a committed relationship to be completely satisfying.
From that my understanding of the purpose of sex (for me) when it comes to being with a person is that its a sharing between two individuals that is an act of love. Yes even the kinky stuff I would do with a partner is an act of love. Kink does require a far greater level of trust with your partner than straight vanilla.
Hindi tends to have a pretty clear set of rules for sex and its purpose. Seems to me that the kamasutra explores sex and sexuality to a great degree and it is or has been helpful for many couples who are in a relationship to find new way to explore intimacy and to strengthen the bonds between them in all aspects, intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
For humans, sex fills many more roles than just procreation. It can do many things, the bad things is be used as a tool of power over another person, which falls under the concept of rape.
The good aspects is that it can be a form of intimacy that brings two individuals closer together, helping to strengthen the pair bonding between two individuals.
The majority of religions do have distinct admonishments against lust for the sake of lust alone, but never actually address lust in the context of a loving relationship.
I know that gay Christians balance out the admonishments against homosexuality with critical thinking. We learn that in most cases where gay sex is banned, its sex for the sake of sex itself, or the practice of sexual magic in worship of False Gods (Leviticus is about Moloch worship, when the single sentence is put back into context of the whole chapter it becomes clearer that what is condemned is sex performed as a ritual of religion).
I am not an expert of the Hindi scriptures and how those are interpreted by Hindi Scholars and how it affects the faith of believers. However I suspect that there may be something similar going on. Certain acts are discouraged not because they are about sex, but how the sex is being used outside of a loving context.
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01-21-2015, 05:59 PM
(Edited 01-21-2015, 06:09 PM by meridannight.)
this is one of the problems i have with established religions. most of them uphold this idea that sex is dirty, and sinful. well, it is not. it's complete bullshit and brainwashing you're getting forced upon you there.
you have to keep in mind that this view is essentially outdated. it is as outdated as many other things in the bible are. you can't take this one thing any more seriously than some other nonsense in there (like not eating meat on sunday -- or was it friday? -- a while back that the pope changed). if you think people who lived in the 9th century should have a say in how you should live your life, then by all means, continue to suffer for something someone who never even knew you came up with.
this is the 21st century. NASA has been to the Moon. catholic church hasn't been to the Moon. it hasn't so much as figured out the planetary configuration of the Solar System. and curiously, it claims to have universal application on the whole existent Universe. we have all this knowledge on human physiology and sexuality. it's knowledge. not wishful thinking. use it. it's not incompatible with being religious even. you just have to educate yourself on the roots and origin of religions, not follow them blindly and unquestioningly.
do you know that at the time when the catholic church first tried to instate this ideal of abstaining from sex as a standard practice for the general population they had a very difficult time in doing so and convincing people that this was the right way to live? this is because people living closer in time to the origins of mythical/cultish notions/credo have an easier way to call bullshit where they see it. nowadays the only reason this shit gets upheld is because it's more than 1000 years old. ONLY because it is more than 1000 years old!
1000 years is good when you're collecting antiques. it's invalid as a moral code in a society that has long moved on, technologically and socially. not to mention, this idea never made sense in the first place. it was only someone's warped view on life. plenty of people have warped ideas on life, this one was unfortunate enough to achieve historical importance. garbage shouldn't be upheld and encouraged. you have to think for yourself, even if you are religious.
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You were programmed and brainwashed. You can deprogram yourself and still believe in God ...just don't let anyone else define God for you.
Try feeling God instead of thinking about God...it really can be that simple.
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I think I understand your situation in general. I´m christian and I am very sensitive in sex issues, but it has nothing to do with being gay. Only having sex makes me feel somehow dirty, because I feel, that by having sex I somehow "lose" my inner human and become this lustful animal. I´ve noticed, that by aging I´ve become more relaxed with this issue and therefore I don´t have sex with strangers anymore. That is the reason I´m looking for friendship the foremost. And if I some day find myself feeling romantic again, perhaps I can enjoy having sex as well. So, for me christianity is this safe peaceful harbour together with homosexuality. They are part of me and don´t exclude one another. They give me strength for being me.
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