In love with my straight best friend. Who I live with.
01-22-2015, 08:49 PM
I currently live with my best friend Zara.
We've been friends now for around two years and were constantly growing closer.
When we first met each other on a night out she mentioned she had a boyfriend called Max.
I, at the time, was infatuated with a girl called Lexi - who was also in the club that night.
When Zara discovered that i liked girls as well as boys she couldn't believe it - saying the words "your too hot to be a lesbian".
Me being me, i'm a natural flirt, it doesn't matter who it is - and her saying this urged me on to flirt even more. Anyway because me and Zara kind of had a magnetic vibe thing going on i said to her that she should kiss me in-front of Lexi to try and make her jealous. She complied with great eagerness. And i suppose thats where it started. She even said on that night (when people were questioning whether she was bi or not) that she would probably have sex with me, and that she wasn't bi - but she just wanted to try it.
Funnily enough that opportunity came around all too quickly when a few weeks later we were back at her student accommodation with a few other friends after another night out. We slept next to each other but because there were other people in the room i felt a bit awkward. Until she started kissing me. We got a bit heated and decided it was best to go to the bathroom for privacy. However when we arrived in the bathroom it was freezing and i felt nervous so we decided to just leave it and go back to sleep.
After that we became best friends. She messaged her boyfriend, Max, the next day telling him everything, thinking he would find it funny or sexy or something that she nearly had sex with a girl - but in actual fact he was a bit mad. Obviously. And confused. But he got over it. Over the years i've gotten to know Max really well, and he's actually a stand up guy. I really like him and i can see why Zara loves him.
Developing the story -
Last year on my 21st birthday i got absolutely paralytic drunk. And me and zara ended up having sex. In the morning it wasn't awkward in the slightest - but then again i'm the most laid back person ever, maybe she felt differently but she said she was fine anyway. Then the week after we went out to celebrate it again and bearing in mind at this point i was still in love with Lexi - and whatever was happening with Zara, to me, was literally just banter. So when me, zara and lexi were sharing a bed i just couldn't help myself... i instigated a threesome. To which they both obliged willingly.
This is when i was starting to wonder whether Zara was actually bi or not. Especially when that threesome happened again a few weeks later.
Ever since then the vibes between me and zara have apparently become noticeable to everyone around us. And I didn't really think anything of it until very recently. We always kiss and flirt and cuddle but - that's just me and zara. we've always been like that. three months ago Lexi broke my heart. And Zara has been there to help me pick up the pieces. I started to go a little bit off the rails by drinking all the time and inviting a different boy back to my house every night. (Boys are easier haha). However i've calmed down now.
Nothing had happened between me and Zara since my 21st - until we went to Poland a few days ago.
She was being overly attentive to me, and saying things like she wanted to marry me, and that she loved me, and that i was her life - all seemingly in jest however, because she said these things in front of the whole friendship group.
Then lone behold we had sex again on the last night.
And fuck me - only then did i realise that i've got feelings for her. I don't know how i didn't see it coming but, its hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually think i love her.
Last night we got drunk (again, sorry) and we were just being how we always are, flirting, dancing together etc. And then she pulled me to one side (bearing in mind neither one of us have ever spoken about our actual emotions to each other before ever) and she started acting weird.
Saying:
"obviously i'll always have feelings for you..."
I didn't even know where that came from but i kind of wasn't surprised.
She then went on to say that nothing could ever happen because of her boyfriend Max. And that yes, she has feelings for me, but i'm also her best friend. And it was a complicated situation. So i got angry and told her she shouldn't tell me things like 'we would be together if i wasn't with Max'. To that she replied "well, we would be".
Then i stormed off to have a cigarette because i could feel myself getting upset for some reason.
I've kind of pretended like it didn't happen today and so has she and i don't want to talk to her about it either because i'm sick of falling for people i can't have.
i'm embarrassed and confused and angry and i really don't know what to do. I wish i didn't have these feelings for her but i do. ARGHHH!!! someone help me.
We've been friends now for around two years and were constantly growing closer.
When we first met each other on a night out she mentioned she had a boyfriend called Max.
I, at the time, was infatuated with a girl called Lexi - who was also in the club that night.
When Zara discovered that i liked girls as well as boys she couldn't believe it - saying the words "your too hot to be a lesbian".
Me being me, i'm a natural flirt, it doesn't matter who it is - and her saying this urged me on to flirt even more. Anyway because me and Zara kind of had a magnetic vibe thing going on i said to her that she should kiss me in-front of Lexi to try and make her jealous. She complied with great eagerness. And i suppose thats where it started. She even said on that night (when people were questioning whether she was bi or not) that she would probably have sex with me, and that she wasn't bi - but she just wanted to try it.
Funnily enough that opportunity came around all too quickly when a few weeks later we were back at her student accommodation with a few other friends after another night out. We slept next to each other but because there were other people in the room i felt a bit awkward. Until she started kissing me. We got a bit heated and decided it was best to go to the bathroom for privacy. However when we arrived in the bathroom it was freezing and i felt nervous so we decided to just leave it and go back to sleep.
After that we became best friends. She messaged her boyfriend, Max, the next day telling him everything, thinking he would find it funny or sexy or something that she nearly had sex with a girl - but in actual fact he was a bit mad. Obviously. And confused. But he got over it. Over the years i've gotten to know Max really well, and he's actually a stand up guy. I really like him and i can see why Zara loves him.
Developing the story -
Last year on my 21st birthday i got absolutely paralytic drunk. And me and zara ended up having sex. In the morning it wasn't awkward in the slightest - but then again i'm the most laid back person ever, maybe she felt differently but she said she was fine anyway. Then the week after we went out to celebrate it again and bearing in mind at this point i was still in love with Lexi - and whatever was happening with Zara, to me, was literally just banter. So when me, zara and lexi were sharing a bed i just couldn't help myself... i instigated a threesome. To which they both obliged willingly.
This is when i was starting to wonder whether Zara was actually bi or not. Especially when that threesome happened again a few weeks later.
Ever since then the vibes between me and zara have apparently become noticeable to everyone around us. And I didn't really think anything of it until very recently. We always kiss and flirt and cuddle but - that's just me and zara. we've always been like that. three months ago Lexi broke my heart. And Zara has been there to help me pick up the pieces. I started to go a little bit off the rails by drinking all the time and inviting a different boy back to my house every night. (Boys are easier haha). However i've calmed down now.
Nothing had happened between me and Zara since my 21st - until we went to Poland a few days ago.
She was being overly attentive to me, and saying things like she wanted to marry me, and that she loved me, and that i was her life - all seemingly in jest however, because she said these things in front of the whole friendship group.
Then lone behold we had sex again on the last night.
And fuck me - only then did i realise that i've got feelings for her. I don't know how i didn't see it coming but, its hit me like a ton of bricks. I actually think i love her.
Last night we got drunk (again, sorry) and we were just being how we always are, flirting, dancing together etc. And then she pulled me to one side (bearing in mind neither one of us have ever spoken about our actual emotions to each other before ever) and she started acting weird.
Saying:
"obviously i'll always have feelings for you..."
I didn't even know where that came from but i kind of wasn't surprised.
She then went on to say that nothing could ever happen because of her boyfriend Max. And that yes, she has feelings for me, but i'm also her best friend. And it was a complicated situation. So i got angry and told her she shouldn't tell me things like 'we would be together if i wasn't with Max'. To that she replied "well, we would be".
Then i stormed off to have a cigarette because i could feel myself getting upset for some reason.
I've kind of pretended like it didn't happen today and so has she and i don't want to talk to her about it either because i'm sick of falling for people i can't have.
i'm embarrassed and confused and angry and i really don't know what to do. I wish i didn't have these feelings for her but i do. ARGHHH!!! someone help me.
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