For those of you who remember the dude who I met on new year's, You would also remember that he used to avoid chatting with me online to save material for "In person discussion" and to minimize personal awkwardness... Which I understood and agreed on. Last Tuesday was the day when I finished my last final exam and contacted him to make plans with him during the weekend. We agreed to meet up Friday,
Friday came and he messaged me telling me that he was sick, hungover from Thursday night and couldn't see me that day. Despite my feelings of utter disappointment I replied saying that it is fine and that he should let me know how he is doing.... We chatted for a bit then I suggested that we could meet up on Saturday if he'd like, he said "We'll see."
Saturday came.. 12pm... 2pm... 4pm... by 5 o'clock I assumed that he wasn't willing to message me to meet up. So I decided to stop being a hopeless romantic and "dramatically" deleted his phone number, called one of my friends and spent a great night blasting music in his car and going to cafés and bars. I wasn't going to let some lousy dude ruin my trip down to the capital even though 50% of me going there was just to see him. I still don't get that if he was making all this effort to avoid talking to me in order to be able to have a good date and then when the time came he would just cancel on me like this. If that was him playing games, then I guess he lost since I made time for him but he wasn't willing to do so for me? That's not cool now, is it?
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He clearly isn't worth your time, man.
I don't know what his problem is, but you deserve much better than someone who would treat you like that.
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Word. Fine someone who will treat you better!!!
TwisttheLeaf Wrote:He clearly isn't worth your time, man.
I don't know what his problem is, but you deserve much better than someone who would treat you like that.
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verysimple Wrote:For those of you who remember the dude who I met on new year's Well, that's disappointing and frustrating.
One bit of advice, next time you feel frustrated by something someone says or does, don't just act or say it is "just fine"… when it is clearly *not* just fine. It's alright to EXPRESS you disappointment and frustration. Doesn't mean you are making him (or whomever) feel guilty, or trying to manipulate them. You're communicating your truth, your feelings in that moment. Doesn't mean you have to get angry or hang onto those feelings, either. Just express them and let them go.
I don't know, maybe other people disagree with this approach. But to me it is very important that I hear what is going on with someone, and that they hear what is going on with me. That doesn't mean we have to get into some long-drawn-out discussion about it or anything else -- just that we need to learn to speak and hear one another's simple, direct truths.
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verysimple, I feel like I can relate to your reaction to this guy . I also get frustrated very quickly and I freak out way to fast and it does bite me in the butt way too many times. I am sorry that this has happened to you ,I know from my past history I would have told him off and then deleted his number I am not saying that this would have been the right thing to do .I do hope that you are able to move forward and be find that special one that makes you happy!
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Sorry it didn't work out.
It may be of some small comfort to you to know that the same thing happened to 975,328 other guys around the world on the same day...their dates flaked out on them too.
He obviously was not worth your time and better that you learn this now than 6 months from now.
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you're all right, I totally know what you mean. This is what you do when someone's being a douche to you... ya just delete them out of your life, call your friends, go out and have fun... I wasn't so much lucky to meet someone else but hey, Better find out now than be totally invested in him and heart broken about this whole thing.
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MikeW Wrote:Well, that's disappointing and frustrating.
One bit of advice, next time you feel frustrated by something someone says or does, don't just act or say it is "just fine"… when it is clearly *not* just fine. It's alright to EXPRESS you disappointment and frustration. Doesn't mean you are making him (or whomever) feel guilty, or trying to manipulate them. You're communicating your truth, your feelings in that moment. Doesn't mean you have to get angry or hang onto those feelings, either. Just express them and let them go.
I don't know, maybe other people disagree with this approach. But to me it is very important that I hear what is going on with someone, and that they hear what is going on with me. That doesn't mean we have to get into some long-drawn-out discussion about it or anything else -- just that we need to learn to speak and hear one another's simple, direct truths.
Yes, I understand... But when he was texting me, he was feeling sick... So I didn't wanna argue with him when he was in that situation, Besides.. He wasn't worth arguing with... Yes, It seemed pointless at first when I came all the way just to find out that he flaked out on me.. but eventually, I managed to turn things around and have a hella time! 
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verysimple Wrote:Yes, I understand... But when he was texting me, he was feeling sick... So I didn't wanna argue with him when he was in that situation, Besides.. He wasn't worth arguing with... Yes, It seemed pointless at first when I came all the way just to find out that he flaked out on me.. but eventually, I managed to turn things around and have a hella time! Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting you "argue". Stating your truth straight up and simple is NOT arguing. Arguing is trying to get someone to agree with your POV. Stating your truth is just that, stating your truth. What you did was state something that was NOT the truth, not your truth. Why do that? Why be dishonest with someone? Even if "he isn't worth it" you have a right to know and speak your truth.
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MikeW Wrote:Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting you "argue". Stating your truth straight up and simple is NOT arguing. Arguing is trying to get someone to agree with your POV. Stating your truth is just that, stating your truth. What you did was state something that was NOT the truth, not your truth. Why do that? Why be dishonest with someone? Even if "he isn't worth it" you have a right to know and speak your truth.
I see your point.. Still, that wasn't a good time for me to state my truth... it doesn't matter anyway... Next time I def. will be honest and open abt everything that goes on with me and how i feel
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Complicated
