Hi! So I need a little bit of advice here. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and feel like I really know him.
However, i wonder sometimes if he's curious, mb, and before things get more serious (marriage?!) I just want to mk sure this is right for him.
Long story short: his family had been saying he was homosexual before he met me, though he said he was into gals, then we met 
He seems into me, he's also very pro gay (i am too) which is fine.
However, he seems fixated on listening to singers who have come out, watching movies about it, spending time with his buddy who is starting a transgender transformation.
Should i be worried that he's got feelings i don't know about?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Honestly, you haven't provided enough information for me to really speculate one way or another. I married a woman right out of highschool, but my family never suspected,me of being gay, I didn't focus on performers who came out, or even know anyone transitioning; I was still gay though.
It sounds to me like you guys need to have this discussion yourselves, possibly with a counsellor.
~Beaux
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Hello kariahcutie90 and welcome to the forum.
There could be a lot of different things going on with your boyfriend. He could be still figuring out who he is. Or he could be bisexual. Or nothing could be going on at all. It's really hard to say.
I agree that an open conversation where you both feel free to speak your minds is definitely in order.
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You have been boyfriend/girlfriend for 2 years but you have some some fundamental questions about your BF.
As has been noted, there isn't enough hard info here. If you have questions...ask him. Get his response.
BTW. I'm glad to hear that both of you are pro-gay. You at least are likely going to need to be bi-friendly.
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Hello, KariahCutie, and  to the forum. If I were you, I wouldn't be trying to second guess my partner. As has been said a simple conversation (an open one) would probably help things to pop up, including suggestions, or experiments to try etc. I don't think all this questioning should be going on behind his back.
Why don't you tell him that you've contacted this site and that you are looking for answers that you don't think you have yet before you get more serious with your relationship? If he has any questions about his sexuality, he will be most welcome to come and find out about it here. I think we are relatively open to most forms of sexuality, including straight (lol). The only thing we definitely don't condone is pedophilia, and anything that could get a person deeply in trouble with the law even though sometimes we need to talk about things before we act upon them, or to put us off doing them.
I did not get enough information in your post to corroborate that he might be gay, and chances are that if he's acting about normally for a guy in a straight relationship, he's most likely to be straight, albeit probably a little more in touch with his feminine side or definitely in touch with his idealistic side (his defending gay rights etc.). So far, all you've got to go on is the rumour from his family, right? I wonder if his own family are being fair to him, or whether they know something that they are not telling you.
It is quite usual for young men to get closer to other male friends in adolescence and to feel strong feelings of male bondage (note that this can happen at any stage of life, to be honest). These feelings are likely to subside as he matures and grows. What would be a good indicator would not be who he defends on a political level, but whether he himself is attracted to sex and romance with another male. In this day and age, and in the nurturing and supportive context you both seem to be in, there should be no reason for him to conceal his sexuality, because it sounds as if you are both capable of talking things through.
What might be happening, is that he's trying to fit in with the straight role which is the default we are fed by society, and he may not have realised yet, that he is gay, ... if he is. Part of being gay, or rather acting on these feelings of being attracted to the same sex, is nurtured by opportunity. If there aren't any opportunities, it may be a while before a gay man realises he's gay, or before he can accept that that is what his orientation is.
As the other half of your couple, it is also possible that he does not wish to disappoint, you or his family. It is also possible that he may feel he's going to grow out of the feelings (if he has such feelings already). Do you suspect that he has feelings for other males? Other than defending their rights, has he shown any propensity to fawn over, talk about, wish to be with some male friends? Have you found gay porn on his computer? (Just kidding, it wouldn't be so cool to go exploring his computer without his consent). Those could be some of the signs that show that he's struggling with his identity.
Best of all would be for you to initiate the conversation about his identity, going from the rumour that his family has been spreading. He may want to refute it, at first, but if you make him understand that you will be supportive of him, whatever his answer is, then you're more likely to find out (both of you) what the truth of the matter is.
Try not to accuse, just mention that you've heard this and that, that you've noticed this and that, and that although he's going through the motions of being a normal straight boyfriend, you'd like to know if he's ever envisaged having a same sex relationship? It wouldn't be strange for a young man or a young woman to have dabbles in a bit of that. It certainly wouldn't be shameful, either. Having said this, he may feel betrayed, or offended that you should even mentione this, especially if it's been following him around for a while (bullying?).
If he feels safe telling you, then you'll have done a good job. You'll really need to be very open too, be a good listener, and manage to transform a girlfriend/ boyfriend relationship into a friendship if your suspicions turn out to be true. Then, it's up to you to find a partner that really will suit your future prospects of a family etc... You can always do with a good friend, be s-he straight or gay.
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kariahcutie90 Wrote:Should i be worried that he's got feelings i don't know about? Sounds like you already *are* worried, at least a little bit. And this is somewhat understandable, you want to feel secure if you're going to make a bigger emotional investment in the relationship. As [MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] said, I'd be curious to know what the family is suggesting but, at the same time, even if he was sexual with other males when he was younger, that doesn't *necessarily* mean he's gay or a homosexual. (Most of my sex buddies when I was a teenager were straight, it's not that uncommon. Boys will be boys.) So, as everyone is suggesting, the only way to get an answer to your question is to ask him and see how he reacts and responds.
More than that, though, what's really important in a relationship? Obviously it varies with the people involved… their values, their priorities, etc. But, to me, what is more important than sexual fidelity is emotional fidelity. If you have that, you have a LOT. Now, whether or not it is *enough* that no one else can decide.
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I would ask him about his feelings about someone who is gay and see how he reacts
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If this is something you're even remotely worried about, then you really need to talk to him about it BEFORE you go on to marriage. And you need to approach it in an open, friendly way that makes him comfortable to open up.
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princealbertofb Wrote:Hello, KariahCutie, and to the forum. If I were you, I wouldn't be trying to second guess my partner. As has been said a simple conversation (an open one) would probably help things to pop up, including suggestions, or experiments to try etc. I don't think all this questioning should be going on behind his back.
Why don't you tell him that you've contacted this site and that you are looking for answers that you don't think you have yet before you get more serious with your relationship? If he has any questions about his sexuality, he will be most welcome to come and find out about it here. I think we are relatively open to most forms of sexuality, including straight (lol). The only thing we definitely don't condone is pedophilia, and anything that could get a person deeply in trouble with the law even though sometimes we need to talk about things before we act upon them, or to put us off doing them.
I did not get enough information in your post to corroborate that he might be gay, and chances are that if he's acting about normally for a guy in a straight relationship, he's most likely to be straight, albeit probably a little more in touch with his feminine side or definitely in touch with his idealistic side (his defending gay rights etc.). So far, all you've got to go on is the rumour from his family, right? I wonder if his own family are being fair to him, or whether they know something that they are not telling you.
It is quite usual for young men to get closer to other male friends in adolescence and to feel strong feelings of male bondage (note that this can happen at any stage of life, to be honest). These feelings are likely to subside as he matures and grows. What would be a good indicator would not be who he defends on a political level, but whether he himself is attracted to sex and romance with another male. In this day and age, and in the nurturing and supportive context you both seem to be in, there should be no reason for him to conceal his sexuality, because it sounds as if you are both capable of talking things through.
What might be happening, is that he's trying to fit in with the straight role which is the default we are fed by society, and he may not have realised yet, that he is gay, ... if he is. Part of being gay, or rather acting on these feelings of being attracted to the same sex, is nurtured by opportunity. If there aren't any opportunities, it may be a while before a gay man realises he's gay, or before he can accept that that is what his orientation is.
As the other half of your couple, it is also possible that he does not wish to disappoint, you or his family. It is also possible that he may feel he's going to grow out of the feelings (if he has such feelings already). Do you suspect that he has feelings for other males? Other than defending their rights, has he shown any propensity to fawn over, talk about, wish to be with some male friends? Have you found gay porn on his computer? (Just kidding, it wouldn't be so cool to go exploring his computer without his consent). Those could be some of the signs that show that he's struggling with his identity.
Best of all would be for you to initiate the conversation about his identity, going from the rumour that his family has been spreading. He may want to refute it, at first, but if you make him understand that you will be supportive of him, whatever his answer is, then you're more likely to find out (both of you) what the truth of the matter is.
Try not to accuse, just mention that you've heard this and that, that you've noticed this and that, and that although he's going through the motions of being a normal straight boyfriend, you'd like to know if he's ever envisaged having a same sex relationship? It wouldn't be strange for a young man or a young woman to have dabbles in a bit of that. It certainly wouldn't be shameful, either. Having said this, he may feel betrayed, or offended that you should even mentione this, especially if it's been following him around for a while (bullying?).
If he feels safe telling you, then you'll have done a good job. You'll really need to be very open too, be a good listener, and manage to transform a girlfriend/ boyfriend relationship into a friendship if your suspicions turn out to be true. Then, it's up to you to find a partner that really will suit your future prospects of a family etc... You can always do with a good friend, be s-he straight or gay.
All of you guys answers are so great, thank you! I think what made me worried was a touch on the face of one of his friends, he touched his buddy, a loving touch, brief but it made me...feel odd. He also won't talk about previous girls/experiences/intimacy, whereas ill always share past experiences with him. I did ask him about it, and his response was one of hurt and anger, and he said he's deeply in love with me.
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Also, should i be worried that it seems like he picks movies, music and art based on the topic of sexual identity? Just seems like he looks for the topic in artists, directors, etc....
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Questioning Identity
