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Reluctant to Have Sex
#1
Hey everyone!

So, I've been dating this guy since mid-November. He's 27, bisexual with more interest in men than women and we met at work. Before meeting him, I thought that I was asexual, because I've never really had much interest in dating, relationships and sex. Sex has never been much of an interest of mine, and I have a fairly low libido. I saw dating, relationships and sex as more of a social construct that we're pressured into. A part of me still thinks that way. Sexually, I can't go at it in a moments notice, I have to take a few days to rebuild my libido.

All of my previous experiences before this guy were dates that didn't go beyond the first date, or one-night stands. I am a virgin, but that's out of choice and not because the opportunity hasn't arisen. I wanted my first time to be with someone that I was seeing on a regular basis rather than a one night stand.

The guy I've been seeing and I have been taking things very slowly. We didn't kiss for the first time until at least our fifth date. He's spent the night at my place once a week for about a month and a half, and we haven't made that commitment of being in a monogamous relationship yet, although we have talked about it on occasion.

Surprisingly, I have been ready to get sexual with him for a while now. It's probably been about a month since I decided I wanted to have sex with him. He has been very reluctant, and I attribute that to his self-image. He's slightly overweight, but it doesn't bother me, and I think he looks fine how he is now, and he knows this. We've planned to fool around previously, but something has always come up. He was sick one time, and the second time he was in a car accident. He was genuinely sick and really was in an accident. Anyways, we talked about getting sexual this weekend, and he said he wants to wait until Valentine's Day. I find losing my virginity on Valentine's Day to be a little too cliche for me, but then I think that maybe I'm putting too much thought into that. I just wanted to get other guys' input. So what do you think? Is having sex for the first time on Valentine's Day too cliche, or am I thinking too much into it? Thanks!
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#2
Since it's so close, if that's what he wants, I'd say it's fine to wait.

Don't forget to have fun Smile
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#3
Beyond the other stuff you talked about, I think loosing your virginity on Valentine's Day is fucking adorable. That's just me though. It thinks its damn cute. I mean, the reason for the days existence is sex, isn't it? Lol. Either way, good luck man!!!!
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#4
It sounds like he's on something of the same page as you. And it sounds like you're both kind of ready (or will be in two weeks). I'd say feel free to wait. Just don't overplan. I'd suggest just making out, with the presumption that you'll be ditching your clothes at some point. Then, feel free to just try stuff out. Either ask "Is it OK if I do this now?" Or just make a move towards doing that and see how it goes. Smile

Lex
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#5
You are 31 years old and a virgin...and worried that V-Day is too cliche...? x backs away x You do not want to hear my opinion...
~Beaux
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#6
A sexual act should be as natural and uninhibited as possible. I find that "planning" for such an event will only put additional stress on both individuals which can lead to a possible malfunction of the libido...

If you are going to "schedule" a sex date,,,,,,,,,,, it might be wise to loosen up a little bit beforehand by having a few drinks (and a few more after that if necessary) and then spend a little time romantically undressing each other and exploring each others naked bodies before jumping into the actual sex act.
We Have Elvis !!
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#7
I think that Valentine's day sex would be sweet...but agree that it puts pressure on both of you.

But yeah...a few glasses of wine, candlelight and maybe some hot porn set the mood........
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#8
I think you guys are building this up in your minds to be some euphoric Valhalla religious type experience that's going to open your minds to the keys of the universe... First time experiences rarely go that smoothly. They're often awkward, clumsy, and embarrassing. I think you guys should go into it with low expectations and start slow... kissing, body massages, experiment with oral and hand jobs until you've done it a few times and gotten a better feel of each other (no pun) and comfortable with each other. Be open to allowing him to make you cum, but don't be disappointment if it doesn't happen the first time. Like all things in life, practice makes perfect.
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#9
Forget it! Do it tonight.
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#10
Beaux Wrote:You are 31 years old and a virgin...and worried that V-Day is too cliche...? x backs away x You do not want to hear my opinion...
~Beaux

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Me too Beaux

a "bisexual" who's more into men than women...
a 31 year old virgin / former asexual with low sex drive issues,
world class epic over analyzing...
self image problems due to weight...
no kiss until a 5th date...
and haven't committed to a monogamous relationship (no shit?)

No danged way I'm getting into this.
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