What makes a guy attractive?

[dude]

Attraction has nothing to do with "what women like" vs. "what men like". It has -everything- to do with what each individual person likes... because we all like different things, or focus on different things while not caring about other things. Preferences are as diverse as the personality of every person who has one.

Although, [MENTION=21778]Lexington[/MENTION] is probably right about the dick pics thing.

Science theorizes that men are more ocular-ly stimulated (drawn to visual) than women. I don't know if it's true or not, but men DO seem to watch a hell of a lot more porn than women (and get more turned on by it).

True about the porn. mile:
I am kind of like an idiot when it comes to these things. I am surprised how I have made it this far, lol.

[MikeW]

Well Mr. [MENTION=22384]dude[/MENTION] you have to keep in mind that *in general* (always exceptions to the rule) FEMALES of the species are looking to get hitched up -- and so what they find attractive in a man could be very different from what a gay man finds attractive. Still, in my experience, there is a lot of overlap. If gay men find you attractive chances are most ladies will as well. At my age, I'm far more likely to catch the eye of a lady than a man. That's another thing. Overall, I think women are less "age conscious" than men. Again, always exceptions.

[dude]

It's just like anything else, really.

Take ice cream. Most people like chocolate. Fewer like blueberry cheesecake. And a select few like pistachio. That doesn't make chocolate a "tasty" or "good" ice cream flavor, and it doesn't make pistachio a "bad" or "unappetizing" flavor. Just that there's more chocolate fans than pistachio fans.

A guy who is considered "attractive" is like chocolate ice cream - lots more fans. I'm probably more like pistachio or blueberry cheesecake. I don't think anybody would say I'm (objectively) "attractive". But there are plenty of guys who wouldn't mind having me after dinner.

Lex

I like your ice cream analogy. Without any pun intended, just the other day discovered blueberry cheesecake ice cream and it was delicious. It has become one of my favorites.

[dude]

Well Mr. [MENTION=22384]dude[/MENTION] you have to keep in mind that *in general* (always exceptions to the rule) FEMALES of the species are looking to get hitched up -- and so what they find attractive in a man could be very different from what a gay man finds attractive. Still, in my experience, there is a lot of overlap. If gay men find you attractive chances are most ladies will as well. At my age, I'm far more likely to catch the eye of a lady than a man. That's another thing. Overall, I think women are less "age conscious" than men. Again, always exceptions.

Interesting. Are you saying that men are more shallow than women?

[meridannight]

Do males and females agree on what they find attractive or is it possible for a guy to be very attractive among other males but not attractive among females?

i have no idea. i don't know what women find attractive.

And please, don't feed me the crap that it is all about personality. We all know that before personality gets there the looks have to be there first.

well, it's mostly in the connection between me and the guy (not the same as personality, mind you). and that's not crap. the connection (physical, and emotional) is paramount and almost everything else takes a second place in relation to it. it's the single most important determinant and the only thing that has the capacity to override all else, in my experience.

also, personality is pretty damn important. it's important that a guy is able to carry himself as a man. if he acts appropriate to a 14-year-old kid, that's a turn-off, no matter the number of his abs or if he has good looks. i can't stand juvenile teenage attitudes and mentality on a grown man. and i don't associate with guys like that.

i'm not denying the importance of good looks. of course it matters. but good looks isn't enough on its own without the substance to back it off. and if a guy ticks me off by the way that he behaves, looks isn't gonna help remedy that at all.

[dude]

i have no idea. i don't know what women find attractive.



well, it's mostly in the connection between me and the guy (not the same as personality, mind you). and that's not crap. the connection (physical, and emotional) is paramount and almost everything else takes a second place in relation to it. it's the single most important determinant and the only thing that has the capacity to override all else, in my experience.

also, personality is pretty damn important. it's important that a guy is able to carry himself as a man. if he acts appropriate to a 14-year-old kid, that's a turn-off, no matter the number of his abs or if he has good looks. i can't stand juvenile teenage attitudes and mentality on a grown man. and i don't associate with guys like that.

i'm not denying the importance of good looks. of course it matters. but good looks isn't enough on its own without the substance to back it off. and if a guy ticks me off by the way that he behaves, looks isn't gonna help remedy that at all.

Looks open the door to the personality. Otherwise there would not be so many people boxed as "just friends". Aren't those the ones why great personality but lack looks to push it to more them friends? In fact, people get almost instantly interested in a romantic relationship before friendship is even considered.

And yes, there are cases when someone good looking is put off by behavior, but the point is that he was good looking enough for you to even come up to than conclusion. How often does the other way around happens, when an unattractive person goes from friend to a romantic interest? Not as often.

[Lexington]

And please, don't feed me the crap that it is all about personality. We all know that before personality gets there the looks have to be there first.

Forgot to talk about this part. And I'm well aware that I'm in a great minority here.

It took me about five or six years after puberty to realize I was gay. Reason being - I'm simply not very visually attuned. I assumed I was straight, but simply hadn't found a woman that really "drew my eye". It wasn't until I sorted out my sexuality that I realized that NOBODY really "draws my eye". I simply don't respond in that way, for whatever reason. Mind you, I have "types" and preferences and all that, but even a guy who would be perfectly "my type" wouldn't draw my eye unless I happened to be looking specifically for him.

So how DO I find people attractive? Well, in essence, I have to actually decide "I'm going to look at guys in a sexual way". It's like I have this filter in place. Ordinarily, people are just, well, people. I might note their objective attractiveness, but it doesn't really affect me in any way. But if I decide "OK, I'm gonna ogle some flesh now", then people stop being people and become "possible sexual objects". It's almost like deciding if somebody would make a good tennis partner, or a good co-worker, or a good roommate. You probably wouldn't consider it unless you sat down and gave it some thought. Weirdly enough, that's how I am with sexual attractiveness.

Because of this, I often don't "switch it on" until somebody actually starts flirting with me, or expresses interest in me. And honestly, this is awesome as hell. Because it means the first hurdle is already cleared. I don't have to wonder "Is this guy gay?" or "Would this guy ever be interested in me?" I already have my answer to those. I can then think "Ok, do I want to keep this going?" And remember - at this point, it's not like porn or a sexual fantasy. It isn't "Is this a guy I'd like to fantasize about having sex with?" - it's "Is this a guy I'd REALLY like to have sex with?" And I'm rather pragmatic when it comes to that. I don't expect porn-star good looks from my sex partners. I just want somebody I connect with, who has a good sense of humor and a good sense of fun. Because of that, I've ended up being attracted to guys all across the spectrum. Many of them aren't "attractive" in the objective sense. But I was attracted to them, and that's really all that matters, isn't it?

Lex

[Virge]

Do males and females agree on what they find attractive or is it possible for a guy to be very attractive among other males but not attractive among females?

And please, don't feed me the crap that it is all about personality. We all know that before personality gets there the looks have to be there first.

_____________________________________________________
No they don't always agree on what they find attractive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is nothing truer than "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Some like them tall, some like then short, some like them thin, some like them chubby, some like them with hair, some without, some like then young, some like them mature. There are no rules. It all depends on what you find attractive.

Does this mean that all guys are always getting hit on, or do some guys get hit on more than others?

____________________________________________________
Some guys do get hit on more than others. "from each according to his ability; to each according to his need" does apply in sexual attraction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interesting. Are you saying that men are more shallow than women?

_______________________________________________
No. Men and women are hardwired differently. Shallower doesn't apply.

[dude]

Forgot to talk about this part. And I'm well aware that I'm in a great minority here.

It took me about five or six years after puberty to realize I was gay. Reason being - I'm simply not very visually attuned. I assumed I was straight, but simply hadn't found a woman that really "drew my eye". It wasn't until I sorted out my sexuality that I realized that NOBODY really "draws my eye". I simply don't respond in that way, for whatever reason. Mind you, I have "types" and preferences and all that, but even a guy who would be perfectly "my type" wouldn't draw my eye unless I happened to be looking specifically for him.

So how DO I find people attractive? Well, in essence, I have to actually decide "I'm going to look at guys in a sexual way". It's like I have this filter in place. Ordinarily, people are just, well, people. I might note their objective attractiveness, but it doesn't really affect me in any way. But if I decide "OK, I'm gonna ogle some flesh now", then people stop being people and become "possible sexual objects". It's almost like deciding if somebody would make a good tennis partner, or a good co-worker, or a good roommate. You probably wouldn't consider it unless you sat down and gave it some thought. Weirdly enough, that's how I am with sexual attractiveness.

Because of this, I often don't "switch it on" until somebody actually starts flirting with me, or expresses interest in me. And honestly, this is awesome as hell. Because it means the first hurdle is already cleared. I don't have to wonder "Is this guy gay?" or "Would this guy ever be interested in me?" I already have my answer to those. I can then think "Ok, do I want to keep this going?" And remember - at this point, it's not like porn or a sexual fantasy. It isn't "Is this a guy I'd like to fantasize about having sex with?" - it's "Is this a guy I'd REALLY like to have sex with?" And I'm rather pragmatic when it comes to that. I don't expect porn-star good looks from my sex partners. I just want somebody I connect with, who has a good sense of humor and a good sense of fun. Because of that, I've ended up being attracted to guys all across the spectrum. Many of them aren't "attractive" in the objective sense. But I was attracted to them, and that's really all that matters, isn't it?

Lex

Huh. Very interesting. So there are those who are looking at meat and those who aren't. This gives a totally different insight.

[meridannight]

Looks open the door to the personality. Otherwise there would not be so many people boxed as "just friends". Aren't those the ones why great personality but lack looks to push it to more them friends? In fact, people get almost instantly interested in a romantic relationship before friendship is even considered.

And yes, there are cases when someone good looking is put off by behavior, but the point is that he was good looking enough for you to even come up to than conclusion. How often does the other way around happens, when an unattractive person goes from friend to a romantic interest? Not as often.

and i said it's the CONNECTION that is paramount. not personality. the two are not the same.

i have hooked up with guys i didn't find physically attractive at all initially, just because we had the connection. one guy, i didn't even notice he existed the first few times i met him. and i would have never been interested in him based on his looks alone. he approached me. he came talking to me. he touched me. and something was there (which obviously i'd missed completely), and the weird thing was that i started to see how attractive he actually was, physically, in full contradiction to what i thought in my head the very first time i saw him. he was fucking beautiful, and i would have never known that had it not been for the presence of an intense connection between us. personality never played into it (but his wasn't the type to turn me off, so that helped). the connection carried it all.

it wasn't the looks that got me to the personality underneath. it was the connection that got me to see beauty (that was surely there, and that i had missed for some inexplicable reason).

looks isn't a window to one's personality, at least not the way that you think. looks do translate personality underneath, but it's always in the context of how the guy carries himself and what he's made of. if it's empty shells inside and underneath, you might just be a plastic doll, for all i care.

so, other than the connection, it's a package deal. looks have to actually be backed up with something more substantial. there are beautiful guys all over the planet, and if you think you're unique with your looks in some way, you're wrong. good looks isn't a rarity, beautiful good looking men are all over the place around you. so the ones that actually back off their good looks, those are the really attractive ones. and no, personality on its own is not enough either. but --- connection on its own is enough.