Money loan From your partner when you truly needed and he says no when he has the $$?

[Zurdoknoc]

I am in a situation that is desperate. I am immigrating legaly to this country through work. I have been with my "partner" for almost 3 years. I am not from this country. I am working legaly. My company is sponsoringe through work. I am at the last stage of the process. Just to mention this, he did not want to help me to immigrate through gay marriage which shocked me but I moved on. At this point I need $1000 dlls to pay for one of the last forms to be sent to immigration office. I don't have the money. My partner is 20 years older than me and he is doing very well finantially. I have no way to get that money. I asked for help and he said no, stating he has his money in his 401K and he need to save for replacing the piping of his condo. He also mentioned that if he would be in the same situation I should be flying to my own country. That hit me in the heart really bad. I told him it took balls for me to ask for help. Please advice. Is it an act of love seeing your partner go through shit and just "hang in there thinking about your own wellness?
He booked a cruise to Europe with his son, tickets were 12,000 Rich. He wanted yo buy a $2500 tv Last weekend. I asked for help....i am his Partner. Please advice

[excalibur77]

He already made it clear that he didn't want to "help" you by marrying you (which I think still would've required some sort of financial support, by the way). So why are you still expecting his help? Do you really have no one else to turn to (relatives back home)? What's your long-term goal there, anyway, and why are you with him? How much of a "partner" is he really to you? Because it sure sounds to me like he doesn't care. Also, how long have you been there? If you've been working for a while, I'm sure you already have one grand to your name, because it's not that big a number to be quite honest.

Honestly man, your partner's money is his. You're not married to him. Even if you were, his money would still be his, and it will still be his choice what to spend it on.

[Darius]

Hi Z, sorry you are going through all this, but this is not your first thread about your partner. He doesn't want to marry you or help you financially, he doesn't want sex with you but you still cling to some imaginary relationship that does not appear to be based in love. You might love him but that doesn't mean you can make the relationship work, especially if he does not feel the same.

Please be sure to keep your mind open for the truth and not just for what you wish it were.

[Borg69]

Maybe he feels you're poor at managing your money and is afraid you won't be able to pay him back in a reasonable amount of time, and/or maybe he feels like you're just using him to get into this country???

[meridannight]

Just to mention this, he did not want to help me to immigrate through gay marriage which shocked me but I moved on. At this point I need $1000 dlls to pay for one of the last forms to be sent to immigration office. I don't have the money. My partner is 20 years older than me and he is doing very well finantially. I have no way to get that money. I asked for help and he said no, stating he has his money in his 401K and he need to save for replacing the piping of his condo. He also mentioned that if he would be in the same situation I should be flying to my own country. That hit me in the heart really bad. I told him it took balls for me to ask for help. Please advice. Is it an act of love seeing your partner go through shit and just "hang in there thinking about your own wellness?
He booked a cruise to Europe with his son, tickets were 12,000 Rich. He wanted yo buy a $2500 tv Last weekend. I asked for help....i am his Partner. Please advice

you've left out more important information:
how long have you been with this guy?
how old are you?
what is your relationship like exactly?

asking for money from anyone depends a lot on a person. some guys just don't give out any kinds of loans to anybody. i would give 1000 bucks to a guy i love and if we were in a long-term established relationship, but i can also understand his position.

and maybe you're the type who doesn't look like he could pay it back so surely? have you thought about that? do you know how long it would take you to earn one thousand dollars and pay him back? would it be a couple of months or over a year? or did you assume that he wouldn't put a deadline to it and you are free to pay back whenever it suits you? how old are you and what kind of a job are you doing exactly again?

it's not really about how much money he has, whether it's a few thousand of a few million. it's more about exactly what kind of a relationship you two are in, and what are the chances that you can actually pay him back. a relationship anything short of a marriage-type where you two have been living together long term, share expenses, and have mutual assets, you can't expect such a favor from a guy. even if it's been a committed loving relationship so far. and he's not doing it wrong by not giving you the money.

asking money is gonna put a huge strain on the relationship whether he gives you the loan or not. and there's also the issue that guys generally want a partner who can take care of himself and doesn't depend on them. with taking such a loan from him, you're gonna make yourself dependent on him. and if you run into further financial difficulties with paying him back, it's gonna end up blowing up even worse. and there's even lesser chance to salvage the relationship.

also important: i assume this decision to migrate to US didn't come as a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, and you've been thinking about it/making plans for it for some time now? so how did you not know about the whole cost of the process? unless you made this decision just shortly back, you've had plenty of time to familiarize yourself with the paperwork and procedures, including fees, and make necessary financial arrangements. the fact that you didn't, shows poor planning. and that's not exactly encouraging to anyone to give you a loan.

[Darius]

Meridannight, he said they have been partners for 3 years. If you check out his other threads, which is what I did, you will get your other questions answered too. He doesn't have many posts and it doesn't take long. From them, I learned his relationship is not perfect, including not having sex anymore.

[East]

^^^@Darius ......I did read all of the posts and at some point it must be pointed out that the emperor isn't wearing any clothes.

If I were to completely believe everything the OP says with no bias...his partner clearly isn't interested in much of anything....love/sex/relationship/marriage, To state the obvious would be cruel....

If I were to trust my own feelings and judgements...I know there are two sides to every story...especially in relationships...and one paintbrush never really paints the entire picture...

...so what would the other paintbrush paint..and what color would it use? One can only assume at this point...

[Lexington]

You don't have a partner.

Lex

[Cuddly]

You put him on the spot by asking. He had the balls to say no.

Judging by your other posts, if I were in your shoes, I'd stop considering him to be my partner and move on with my newly received american identity.

[meridannight]

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION], i checked it out. my financial advice still stands. looking past all the other concerns here, he would have had even less of a reason to expect his partner to agree to give him a loan, than in a better relationship. which begs the question why he has been so unprepared for his own financial commitments all this time.

migration to another country never quite happens out of the blue. people plan in advance, and they familiarize themselves with the procedures and the cost. moreover, it can't come out of the blue for someone who's been living in the US for about 3 years, it seems. it also seems unlikely that a person who has been working and ''trying to acquire his own assets'' all this time has not succeeded in saving 1000 dollars.

more importantly though, there's another theory to the purpose of this thread. but i'm gonna leave it at that. guys are smart enough here on GS to figure it out on their own, i don't really need to spell out the ugly parts.