being sensitive to pranks

[Anonymous]

wanted to discuss something with you guys.

i always had been a sensitive person. so when people play pranks to me, i do feel very hurt.






i have posted 2 pranks above. If anyone (my friends or my future partner) did this to me, i will feel very hurt. i have been through similar pranks and it took me days to overcome the shame, embarrassment and the emotional hurt that i have experienced and end up crying. (yup i sound like a sissy).


you have to understand that i'm not a hypocrite whereby i like to do these pranks on others but i don't like others to do it on me. i dun like participating in such extreme pranks at all. there was this guy A who liked to prank me a lot in high school. there was one day whereby A left his jacket unattended in one empty classroom. my friend and i were there. my friend suggested that i take liquid detergent and pour on his jacket as revenge. but i felt it was not right. and i told my friend strictly that i don't like to do such things. my friend told me "wow, A has done so many nasty things to you but you chose not to do anything back to him". well, that is me.

but if you think i'm a person who don't like anything funny, its not entirely true.



i'm comfortable with the scare pranks and also tickling ones. my cousins and friends have tried scaring me (like the Ellen scare) and also hold my arms while they tickle me. i do laugh along with them for those pranks. but i just don't like those extreme pranks.

i sometimes wonder whether it is abnormal of me to feel uncomfortable with such pranks. i mean most of other people seem to enjoy such pranks. do you guys think i'm an abnormal person?

i'm also concerned that being sensitive to pranks will make me unlikeable by others. will most people prefer not to have a friend or life partner who is sensitive to such pranks?

[MikeW]

i sometimes wonder whether it is abnormal of me to feel uncomfortable with such pranks. i mean most of other people seem to enjoy such pranks. do you guys think i'm an abnormal person?

i'm also concerned that being sensitive to pranks will make me unlikeable by others. will most people prefer not to have a friend or life partner who is sensitive to such pranks?

Bottom line, NO you're NOT abnormal!

Longer answer:

I think this is actually an interesting question that I've thought about occasionally.

First things first: I don't see why you feel you need to be anonymous to ask this question. Apparently you feel embarrassed about it, but I really don't think you should feel that way. Your feeling is probably not as uncommon as you think… but we'll get into that.

Next up is "normal"… am *I* "normal"? Speaking specifically of myself, I certainly hope NOT!


Whenever I see someone ask that question, I assume they are physically or emotionally a teenager. Teenagers spend a lot of time and energy worrying about whether they're "normal" or not. Meanwhile "normal" is just a statistical average. NO ONE Is truly "normal" -- that is to say, everyone has their quirks, their faults, their good qualities and bad. That's just the way humans are. SO… however you feel IS NORMAL FOR YOU. You normally (on average) feel this way, right?

So, now getting to this specific thing about pranks…

I felt very much the same way when I was young -- and still do for the most part. I'm not a big fan of pranks. I accepted that about myself a long time ago and never thought there was anything "wrong" with me for feeling this way. At times though I've often wondered *why* I felt that way -- why do I feel "hurt" by pranks that didn't do any real physical damage?

Speaking for myself (YMMV) what it comes down to is a couple things. First of all, is not having a very solid sense of self-worth, especially as a kid. So, it was easy for someone to say or do something that caused me to feel embarrassed or feel badly about myself. I felt that way most of the time and so feeling that way was "normal" for me.

Second, being gay had a lot to do with it, too. As a teenager I *knew* I was gay but I also believed it wasn't "ok" to be gay -- I felt ashamed for having those feelings -- for me it wasn't safe to let other people, especially other guys my age, *know* my truth. So I learned to keep it hidden like a shameful secret.

Doing so kept me on the outside of things. I never really felt apart of "the gang" (so to speak). Other boys, the things they did and the things that interested them and so on, to some extent seemed "alien" to me. Put another way, I was "alienated" from them… so I didn't feel included on a deep level. I *knew* I wasn't ONE OF THEM, although a part of me wanted to be "included" in their world.

SO… when they teased me or played a trick on me, I felt very vulnerable and sensitive about it and often "took it to heart" -- felt hurt by it.

From THEIR POV, it was just playing around, teasing, and, in fact, was sometimes a way of INCLUDING someone. That is, they all teased and played tricks on one another all the time… it was part of being a (straight) boy. NBD.

For me it didn't work like that *because I didn't feel that I was 'one of them'* to begin with. What I felt was shame and humiliation and that I was inherently a "bad" person or not worth much… and so their teasing just made me feel worse about myself and even more alienated from them and their world.

Anyway, that's the sense I've made of it… it would be interesting to hear what others have to say.

[Lexington]

I don't recall the quote, but it runs something like "a tragedy is slipping and hurting yourself, a comedy is somebody you don't know slipping and hurting themselves." I think that comes into play a lot here.

Lex

[ShiftyNJ]

Second, being gay had a lot to do with it, too. As a teenager I *knew* I was gay but I also believed it wasn't "ok" to be gay -- I felt ashamed for having those feelings -- for me it wasn't safe to let other people, especially other guys my age, *know* my truth. So I learned to keep it hidden like a shameful secret.

Doing so kept me on the outside of things. I never really felt apart of "the gang" (so to speak). Other boys, the things they did and the things that interested them and so on, to some extent seemed "alien" to me. Put another way, I was "alienated" from them… so I didn't feel included on a deep level. I *knew* I wasn't ONE OF THEM, although a part of me wanted to be "included" in their world.

SO… when they teased me or played a trick on me, I felt very vulnerable and sensitive about it and often "took it to heart" -- felt hurt by it.

From THEIR POV, it was just playing around, teasing, and, in fact, was sometimes a way of INCLUDING someone. That is, they all teased and played tricks on one another all the time… it was part of being a (straight) boy. NBD.

For me it didn't work like that *because I didn't feel that I was 'one of them'* to begin with. What I felt was shame and humiliation and that I was inherently a "bad" person or not worth much… and so their teasing just made me feel worse about myself and even more alienated from them and their world.

This has been much of the theme of my conversations with my two high school "bullies" that I posted about last week. I knew from observing them that casual put-downs, ribbing and--yes--pranks were a part of the way they interacted. But--given what was going on inside me--I saw everything through that lens and it reinforced my feeling of alienation. I still don't really "get" that such things are "fun" although the frequency and severity of any such "pranks" has changed to pretty good-natured ribbing as adults. I'm curious how old/what stage of life you are at, because I am not in circles where this is a normal occurrence anymore.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I make it very clear to those who know me that pranks would not be appreciated.

Even then, I still have a friend who used to think it was hilarious to do pranks. I accidentally put an icepick through his hand a few years ago when he took me by surprise and I went to defend myself. (I thought he was an attacker.)

He doesn't prank me anymore. Some people have to learn the hard way.

That said? yeah. The reason I don't appreciate pranks is because I see them coming from a place of "meanness", which seems to be why they bother me. Probably why they bother you too, yeah? Most people who prank their friends? They don't see it coming from a place of meanness, but rather from a place of love.

Kind of like a kitten who plays with its owner in the whole "pounce and bite" way kittens do see it as love and play, but damn that shit HURTS for us skin sensitive humans.

[Pix]

Jimmy Kimmel is a jerk, I don't know why he's so popular. What you described aren't pranks to me, that's bullying. (Though that guy tied to a post looks like some sort of hazing to me, which is distinct from bullying in that it's a rite of acceptance rather than casting out which the person accepts willingly knowing it's just a short time.)

Pranks are a way to mess with people's heads and hopefully get a laugh even from the one pranked (at least generally speaking), not torment someone and then say "it's just a joke." (While a contest of pranks can get mean they're still supposed to be clever, that's the entire point, to prove yourself smarter than the other person by pranking the other person but avoiding being pranked in return by seeing through it, and dumping food on someone or even a pie in the face is a food fight at best, not a prank.) When the media shows bullying (dumping food on people, tying them up) it's distinct from a prank so I know others see it, too.

In contrast, a prank is like unplugging the keyboard of the computer next to you in class and then plugging your keyboard in and when your friend (or whoever) sits down and tries to use the keyboard you type in "stop it, that tickles" or "you take me for granted, I'm not doing anymore work for you until I'm paid" (and then continuing when the teacher shows up, if it hasn't been figured out yet). Or something like this (though it got messed up in the execution):




And adults seem to think so, too...when my cousin (age 17) "pranked" me by telling me to "hold this" and gave me (age 13-4) a tube with burning fuse (homemade dynamite as it turned out) I shrieked and threw it (and wouldn't lost my hand if I hadn't thrown it in time). He was laughing too hard to defend himself as I chased him down and beat the crap out of him and when our grandmother asked about it she said I saved her the trouble. Because that wasn't a prank, it was just mean...and dangerous (and even as comedy it was slapstick at best rather than a prank to mess with someone's head or be silly).

[Cuddly]

I completely agree with Pix.

Oh and really, there's no need for you to be anonymous here. Ofcourse, that's not for me to say, how you feel about the subject, but you're in the right and shouldn't be ashamed.

[Rareboy]

I despise pranks.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Normal... Yes you are abnormal but the understanding that the majority have of the word 'normal'. However you fall well within nominal parameters of your species, which is to say while you are not part of the majority of humans that enjoy pranking, you are part of humanity in that it falls within the spectrum of humanness to not like pranking to one extent or another.

Um yes, your inability to appreciate a prank or this sort of unholy abuse on another human being, will be seen by some as your being too picky or sensitive or prudish which will affect your interpersonal relationship with those individuals. However, I can pretty much assure you that if you had a partner that viewed your dislike of 'pranking' as a negative, then that individual would not be a good partner for you.