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02-09-2015, 05:12 PM

I moved to a new school in september, and i became friends with this one guy (let's call him X for now) in like November and anyway we go to lessons after school together (twice a week for 2.5 hours (and a few other people but theyre quite irrelevant lol) a day) and we have one class together.

Anyway, I've grown to really like him (i think) and we've gotten really close. I don't know if hes a homophobe, and i dont know if i should (or even can) straight up ask him if he is. I definitely cant ask him if he's gay, he'd get way too defensive (we live in a fairly conservative country and i think everyone around him is a homophobe).

I've asked him about girls plenty of times and he says that they dont interest him but i dont know if he means at the moment or in general.

How can I tell if he's gay or if he likes me?

extra details:
- he touches me often (not in a weird way, lol but like my arms/hands, back, ears and neck and stuff.)
- he is different (?) around me? Like not really different from when he's around other friends but he just treats me differently.
- he barely smiles, but smiles A LOT around me (i don't think i'm that funny tbh lol).
- he jokes around a lot with me
- he's kinder to me than he is to others (but i think its because he hasn't known me for that long, you know?)

(its my first time here i just wanted some advice)

02-09-2015, 05:21 PM

Well you mentioned the girls bit. Could just bring that up again and when he says not interested act confused and ask what he's interested in. You could bring up being cool with gay people at that point and see if he opens up.

02-09-2015, 05:32 PM

Why should he be gay ?

02-09-2015, 05:35 PM

david98 Wrote:(we live in a fairly conservative country and i think everyone around him is a homophobe).

Your profile says you live in New Jersey.

MikeW · 02-09-2015, 05:36 PM

My experience from the good old days is that a lot of teenage boys are just horny as fuck… and willing to play around with another guy IF they feel they can do it without any consequences. That is, for example, certain no one else will ever find out and, for another, not having to identify as being *gay*. It depends. Some guys have already identified themselves as gay, while others may not be sure, while others may be sure they're not and some have never given it a thought at all one way or the other. So… what I'm saying is, there are two different things: Sexual identity and one's willingness to play around sexually with someone of the same gender. Sometimes the lines aren't clearly drawn, especially in youth.

Chances are he's as horny as you are. What he's willing to do about that, who knows?

02-09-2015, 05:45 PM

It sounds like he might be GIEBN (gay in everything but name). In other words, he isn't interested in girls, and it seems like he might be interested in you, and he might even have sex with you - once or repeatedly. But he's not GAY or anything, you know?

So, with guys like that, the smart move is - no words. Actions. When he "touches" you, "touch" him back. Nudge it forward a bit. If he calls you on it - "what the hell are you doing" - step back and laugh and say you were parodying all the touching he's done to you. If he doesn't, which he probably won't, well, you can take it from there.

Lex

02-09-2015, 06:06 PM

Jerry Wrote:Why should he be gay ?

what do you mean?

02-09-2015, 06:07 PM

ShiftyNJ Wrote:Your profile says you live in New Jersey.

im from there, i dont live there (sorry for the confusion Smile

)

02-09-2015, 06:09 PM

Lexington Wrote:It sounds like he might be GIEBN (gay in everything but name). In other words, he isn't interested in girls, and it seems like he might be interested in you, and he might even have sex with you - once or repeatedly. But he's not GAY or anything, you know?

So, with guys like that, the smart move is - no words. Actions. When he "touches" you, "touch" him back. Nudge it forward a bit. If he calls you on it - "what the hell are you doing" - step back and laugh and say you were parodying all the touching he's done to you. If he doesn't, which he probably won't, well, you can take it from there.

Lex

this makes sense and its really helpful Smile

thanks so much i might do that haha. But what if he doesnt react after i touch him? would that also be bad?

02-09-2015, 06:15 PM

I wouldn't keep nudging until he either drops his pants or kicks your teeth in. Just nudge it forward a bit, then leave it there. Then see if he continues to touch you in the way he did before, and if HE nudges it forward.

Lex