I fully realize that my friend may choose to continue to live in the hetero world. But as I previously stated, I have known him since he was a teen, and there is no doubt in my mind that he is repressing his true sexuality. Of course even if he comes out, there is no reason to assume that he would be attracted to me at all.
I am a very logical/analytical person, I don't just look at what I hope to be true, but instead consider all aspects of the situation. In this case I need to look at how such a thing would impact him politically, professionally, socially as well as his psychological and preparedness to address both the question of sexuality and his contemplation of potential attraction to me or any other person. Yes, it is sometimes a curse having all of this go through my head for every situation I encounter.
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I realize that there is a possibility that he is straight. There is also a possibility that he isn't attracted to me. I am willing to accept that. However, living in rural Maine with very few options out there, it is not something I am willing to write off completely.
I have been on craigslist (ewww) and Grindr, but there are few people out there that I would even consider getting to know better. Either they are to young for me, too old for me, or they are into things that are outside of my area of interest (I am being as politically correct as possible here). I have my filters set to ages 30-48.
I am looking for someone who is active, and plans on continuing to do so for a while. I am 48, but I don't look or act my age. I am hefty, but I don't act my weight. I walk, go to the gym (with a trainer), and remain active in my daily life. I don't have unreasonable expectations, but I need to be able to see myself with someone, and we all have a "type". I am sure that you city dwellers have hundreds of options within walking distance, but often the nearest guy is 25 miles away. I am not too picky, but I am not going to settle for a creepy little guy who likes to smell farts and body odor (yup, an actual guy). 
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Good luck with your search, [MENTION=22277]JCasey[/MENTION].
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My cousin came out of the closet.
His family and mine embraced him as well as his friends and coworkers.
This happened Saturday during the St. Patrick's Day weekend.
He felt good as it took a load off his mind.
If only I could beat him at Scrabble.
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So, the friend I mentioned earlier was at the gym the other day. The day after I came out to him, he told me that he didn't like me joking about the possibility of us being more than friends (hmmmm, suspicious sensitivity). I completely stopped making any reference to my sexuality at all around him. However, the other day at the gym I let something slip that really ticked him off.
He had been working out on his own, but then asked me to spot him on the rack. He had difficulty getting the bar up at a certain weight and asked me to help by pushing his arms up. I had to stand behind him, and he is taller than me. In order to do as he said, I needed to be close enough that our bodies touched ( neither of us acknowledged the contact). After that he went to another area and soon called me over to assist him again. He asked me to let him grab my ankles. Like a stupid fool, I replied "OH, BABY!". Really, it wasn't something I meant to happen, and I believe that if I hadn't come out to him it would have been shrugged off as a joke, but instead he became annoyed. We soon went our separate ways for the day. The next time I saw him, he was cold and distant. Not liking to have unresolved issues between anyone and myself, I asked what the problem was. He stated that he didn't like the joking. I apologized, and he left to go to the sauna. I had to go pick up my daughter from Karate, but later text messaged him to again apologize, and affirm that we were still friends.
Strange how two words can put a friendship at risk.
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JCasey Wrote:So, the friend I mentioned earlier was at the gym the other day. The day after I came out to him, he told me that he didn't like me joking about the possibility of us being more than friends (hmmmm, suspicious sensitivity). I completely stopped making any reference to my sexuality at all around him. However, the other day at the gym I let something slip that really ticked him off.
He had been working out on his own, but then asked me to spot him on the rack. He had difficulty getting the bar up at a certain weight and asked me to help by pushing his arms up. I had to stand behind him, and he is taller than me. In order to do as he said, I needed to be close enough that our bodies touched ( neither of us acknowledged the contact). After that he went to another area and soon called me over to assist him again. He asked me to let him grab my ankles. Like a stupid fool, I replied "OH, BABY!". Really, it wasn't something I meant to happen, and I believe that if I hadn't come out to him it would have been shrugged off as a joke, but instead he became annoyed. We soon went our separate ways for the day. The next time I saw him, he was cold and distant. Not liking to have unresolved issues between anyone and myself, I asked what the problem was. He stated that he didn't like the joking. I apologized, and he left to go to the sauna. I had to go pick up my daughter from Karate, but later text messaged him to again apologize, and affirm that we were still friends.
Strange how two words can put a friendship at risk. I can think of two others that might do the same.
"Fuck you!"
but obviously "apple pie" would be more obscure to figure out.
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Too bad this forum doesn't have a "block jacka$$es" function.
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Latest update...
So, we had another brief discussion in the sauna the other night. He mentioned that my coming out in such a small town was kind of a trial (denoting that if it went well, others might feel more comfortable doing so). I took that as very positive. I informed him that I was out to all of my Facebook friends (over 300) except for the radical right wing republicans and the fundamentalist religious, without so much as a single negative comment. He was impressed with that. I also had posted a lengthy message on my Facebook page relating to the vast diversity of "types" of gay men, and the challenge in finding someone to whom I would be attracted, given our rural location. He mentioned that he had read the posts (which is good because I mostly posted them with the intention of making him feel more comfortable with not having to meet stereotypes or engage in every type of intimate activity if he came out of the closet. I then addressed his job, and asked if it was what he liked, or if he was merely doing it to follow in his father's footsteps. I asked if he would be happier in another line of work in keeping with his minor in college. He stated that he liked the job, and indicated that he needed to stay in a job that would assure he could pay off his college loans. He then stated, if he were to go into another line of work, it would likely be an entrepreneur or politician. My goal here was to encourage him to be his own person, and not just do what others may want him to do. I mentioned that I tried a number of jobs that my father had suggested, despite not being overly intrigued by them, but I was never happy.
Today I had a funny situation pop up. I usually contact him to see if he will be using the sauna after me so that I can leave it heated up if I leave early. Today I he responded that he wasn't going to have time, so I replied " Well if I can't bug you later, I will head to the sauna now" using voice recognition. Luckily, I checked the message before hitting send, because the word "bug" was interpreted as "F***", totally changing the intention of the message. When I told a friend about this incident, she said "That wasn't what you wanted". I replied, "It was what I wanted, but not what I intended to say". :p
Sometimes life is so funny.
My Facebook post...
Quote:Good Morning folks... this post is going out to a limited distribution list of closer friends.
So, since I came out of the closet as gay in February (oops, some of you didn't know that) nothing has changed in my life as a result. Everyone with whom I have shared about this has responded very positively. Of course, mom is having a bit of difficulty, so please don't mention it to her. Also, my daughter's mother knows, but my daughter is uncomfortable with the concept of gay people, so we are taking it slow with her.
The obvious question some may have is about my meeting someone. The simple answer to that is "no". The actual answer is much more involved.
Unlike the hetero world, there isn't a potential partner standing on every street corner (figuratively, not literally). Due to social stigma, people my age have been less likely to come out over the decades (Luckily for the younger generations, the stigma has almost gone away among their peers). That, along with Maine being a more puritanical state, leaves a smaller pool of potential partners. Then you need to consider that there are different types of gay guys. The ones you see on TV are more feminine acting. On the other extreme is the hyper-masculine biker types. Many gay guys fall in between and function as typical men with no dicernable traits. Each of these has a preference as to the type to which they are attracted. On top of that there are preferences for physical traits, hair color, eye color, etc (just like in the hetero world). After you get past the various categories, there are also preferences for what role a person prefers to take on in the relationship, though many people are versatile, performing roles interchangeably.
When you have accounted for all of that, you need to consider the fact that some guys are looking for long term relationships while others are interested in immediate gratification ( kind of like high school kids). That takes an already limited field of potential partners and shrinks it down dramatically (and I didn't even get into discussion on fetishes, drug & alcohol usage, or team players). From the few people left, some of us old school guys believe in having an actual attraction to somebody before getting involved. So, based upon the available smartphone apps and online sites, I can honestly say that there are only 3 people within a 500 mile radius that even slightly intrigue me who are of a reasonable age. Obviously not good odds no matter how you slice it (kind of like looking for an outdoor ice rink in Miami Florida).
So, it seems that my venture out of the closet has managed to only relieve me of the burden of not being out of the closet. It gives me an excuse when friends try to set me up with their neighbor's daughter. smile emoticon
I am not really looking for anyone anyway. I searched because I was curious what options are out there. I have plenty to focus on in my life without adding another person in my life. Of course, I am not getting any younger. wink emoticon
Thanks for your continued encouragement and support. smile emoticon
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I know this is a bit late I am sorry been a lot going on for me . But I have to say CONGRATS on coming out !
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