I've lost my attraction to guys, now what do I do?

[InThought]

Hi Guys,

This may seem very strange, well it is to me because I feel I've lost all my attraction to guys.
I came out as gay when I was around 14 and through my teens and early 20's I was knee deep in gay life and questioning my sexuality wasn't a question.
Now, at this present moment in life I just don't feel any attraction to any guys, it's just gone. I might of once felt nervous in front of a handsome guy but I don't feel any of that now.
I don't know if this has anything to do with porn or with how society has become obsessed with well defined bodies but I regularly receive Gay Time Magazine and Attitude and flick through it like I'm reading a newspaper, nothing is happening.
I'm not depressed that I know of, I still masterbate to gay porn but it just feels empty and boring now. I arranged to hook up with a guy not long back and again I was turned on but felt nothing, it's like my body is telling me it doesn't need sex anymore or attraction.
I don't want this to be something that I label myself, I'm just a little daunted by what's happening to me.

Has anyone been through this or experienced this?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm currently in the 'no interest' in sex, relationships, etc. Even seeing hot guys isn't doing it for me.

I know in my case its because I got burnt one too many times and know that the last thing I need right now is to get involved in a relationship or get tangled up in the drama of casual sex or anything like that.

Depression is an interesting disorder. Most people think that a person with depression is sad all the time. This isn't always the case. More often depression is a general lack of interest, inability to enjoy that one once enjoyed. I call it 'low-grade Depression' much like a low grade fever doesn't present with the full on feelings of a high fever, a low-grade depression doesn't present with all of the symptoms classically associated with depression.

Stress can also curb the sex drive, kill the interest/attraction.

Another aspect here is you say random hook-ups ain't totally satisfying you - perhaps you have grown a bit in your needs for sexual pleasure, maybe what is lacking is the more intimate/emotional aspects of love in a relationship to respark your sex drive?

If this has been going on for more than 6 months, or if this is a sudden change in your common behavior, I would strongly suggest you seek your doctors counsel on this. There are a number of male health issues that can affect sex drive and interest.

[meridannight]

so are you experiencing attraction to women now?

you're 28. it's not the same as being 16 or 20. your hormones are not what they used to be back then. your post would also allow to assume that you've had a lot of gay sex. maybe you need some novelty factor to it? and if you've had a lot of experience it will become increasingly more difficult to get that novelty out of it. at some point it will feel like you've seen it all, done it all and there's nothing more to it.

i haven't experienced that with men. i have also not had that many sexual partners as to feel i've reached some saturation point. i don't even know if that is possible. but i have had this sensation of saturation in some other areas of life. could that be it?

maybe the thing to do is to slow down. if you don't feel like hooking up with guys, don't. take some time off for yourself. cut down watching porn. give your brain a little break from this overexposure you've been putting it through. don't think about having to do something, or having to feel or react a certain way. your cock doesn't have to be hard all the time, and it doesn't even have to get hard every time you see a hot guy. you don't have to have sex all the time. forget about it all, put it out of your mind, and it will come back on its own. probably in a much more mature form than previously too.

PS. one thing that will definitely NOT make it come up is worrying and being anxious about it. so, my advice, take a break. have some time off.

[Lexington]

I can't tell you the last time I simply saw a guy and got sexually aroused. And that's true if they're "traditionally attractive" or even "my type". That's just not how I'm wired. I like guys, and if I meet a guy and we hit it off....only then will I start responding. Up until then, they're all just people, y'know?

It may be that you're no longer have the young person libido where just "seeing a hot guy" was all you needed to want to climb aboard. Perhaps you need something more now? As far as what to do, well, maybe try something non-sexual with gay guys. Join a gay social group, a biking club, a volunteer group, what have you. It may be that you'll come to know somebody, and you'll start clicking on THAT level in addition to the more standard "he's hot" one.

Lex

[East]

One of the things I have said to my BF over the years is that everytime I look at mainstream gay porn I start to think I am not really gay....

It is true.

I have no sensation at all in my cock..I couldn't masturbate to any of it if my life depended on it. Boredom isn't really the right term...complete indifference is closer to the truth.

I would actually rather be with a woman sexually than the lookalike hairless porn models...they all look exactly the same to me. They must airbrush the fuck out of them....

Looks are fine...but personality and vibe and attitude matter just as much...even more. I was a slut once and there is definitely some body types and looks I am more attracted to than others but without a compatible vibe or personality I have zero interest in fucking someone solely because of their appearance...yawn...

So yeah...in some circumstances I wonder if I am really gay or not....

[reaper]

It could be a wide range of things that others have already mentioned. The one thing I would do is curb porn and masturbation if you are engaging in both on a regular basis.

I've read quite a bit about how excessive porn can really effect your actual sex life and drive in a very negative way.

Age, depression, stress, diet, sleep, ect. So many things could be factors.

[Jerry]

You are getting older, but you are still at your thirties and you are talking like me! That is not normal for a gay man at your age, even if you just masturbate to porn all night long, you´d still feel that passion for men in the streets on daily basis. I was at your age going through the hottest years in my life and I´m lucky to be alive and healthy today. So, like someone already mentioned, you should see a doctor. Don´t isolate yourself, things will only get worse that way.

But hey, on the other hand, if it doesn´t bother you too much, that you don´t lust after men anymore, just enjoy it....this could be the start of simple and pure life as a missionary man for you. You´ll become a man of spirit, a holy man! Think about that

[Hardheaded1]

Maybe it's time for you to concentrate on becoming attractive TO guys. It's not all about you, y'know. You could think of the rest of us for a change. We're looking for guys, just a few good men. Enlist today.

[Pyromancer]

Well I know it's not the same, but I always thought I was straight but since I met this guy, Jae , women do nothing for me (not that they ever did that much for me, but at least I could get it up). It feels weird.

But yeah, you should talk to your doctor like someone said. It might be a shift in testosterone levels?

[Virge]

It sounds like you have chronic Lesbosomorphia. Buy some flannel shirts and join a softball league and everything will be fine.