First Boyfriend

[etihw05]

Looking for some advice here.

I'm 25 and never had a boyfriend or sex for that matter. I met the guy I'm currently seeing in November and he is very much in the same boat ie no BF and a virgin.

We both agreed we don't want to rush into anything. At this point we have gone public as BFs.

Here's my problem. He still isn't ready to have sex. Of any kind. The most sexual he's allowed me to be with me is blow him for a minute then ask me to stop because he's "afraid he can't cum". He's also only recently started playing with my dick. He's to his own admission frightened of my dick because I'm uncut and he's not sure what to do with it. My precum also grosses him out to no end.

He's my problem. I really have fallen in love with him. But this sex stuff is starting to get frustrating. He gets kind of mad at me because I "always want to get naked" or "play with him". I just don't know where to go next. I feel like I've been very patient with this, and I don't even care about fucking him yet, I just want to do more than make out.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Wolfpack]

Sadly for us gay guys even when we come out if the closet we can still have lingering problems in fully accepting out sexuality and sexual acts, I would continue being patent and understanding with him and perhaps getting him some professional help

[Lexington]

I'd tell him that you'd like to continue moving forward with this, at presumably a rate somewhere between where you both want it.

For instance, you're in the makeout phase. Great. And if he can play with your dick a bit, great. Then, when he doesn't want to do that anymore...have him go back to kissing you, while you finish yourself off. (And, presumably, he can finish himself off as well. Also, before the dick play, see if you can kiss and lick his torso. Or his feet. Or his ass cheeks. Find out where his lines are, stay within them for a bit, but keep nudging them slightly forward.

...and no, you don't "always want to get naked". It's just that this is the part of the relationship that you're currently not really getting, so it's the part you're most interested in rectifying.

Lex

[Rareboy]

Let me be frank.

It isn't going to work if you are horny as hell and all he wants to do is cuddle.

If there isn't any magic in the bedroom...it is only a matter of time before your own unhappiness and frustration will drive a huge wedge in your relationship.

You are 25 for God's sakes.

[Borg69]

... The most sexual he's allowed me to be with me is blow him for a minute then ask me to stop because he's "afraid he can't cum".
... He's to his own admission frightened of my dick because I'm uncut and he's not sure what to do with it. My precum also grosses him out to no end.

It kinda sounds like he's got some performance anxiety... "Stage Fright". He could be like many guys who watches too much porn and thinks real life should always go as smoothly and "perfect" as it does in porn... and it CAN... but with communication, PRACTICE, patience, and a willingness to learn and explore.

Some things YOU can do is tell him what it is you like, and how you like it. Show him! Let him know that weather he cums too soon or not at all isn't an issue as long as he's at least attempting to be intimate with you.

... and ... I realize this is a sensitive subject so I'm just going to throw out the possibility: Hygiene and/or diet - Some guys complain about the smell/taste of uncut guys. Is there any possibility that he's politely avoiding you for those reasons???

[etihw05]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all your advice / thoughts.

Honestly Borg69 I think you might be right, I really think it's performance anxiety more than anything.

Thanks again for your advice.

[Darius]

I wonder, too, if he hasn't spent so much time repressing sex that the guilt is difficult for him to overcome. It sounds like you are going to have to be patient and have open communication with him if you are willing to put in the effort. Suggest that you just begin with the basics like mutual masturbation, so he is more comfortable with being sexual and having an orgasm with someone. If you really like him, it will probably be worth it all.

I'm curious about his personality in general (is he the nervous, uptight, emotional type?) and what is his cultural and religious background.

Keep us informed.

[Virge]

EDIT I left his thread and went to another with the same issue. Go read it and what I said there. Some of it may apply to you. https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=544969#post544969

At 25 he's got a history of at least 10 years of self generated sexual repression behind him and has obviously not experimented much if at all other than jerking off. That's not good and some of the guys with more experience than I have could go more into that. Jerking off trains the penis to respond just to the way he jerks off so it's going to take time and some work to overcome that so he can ejaculate other ways.

This whole thing about him not being ready to have sex sounds like he's got some problems he need to work on with a therapist. That's just not normal. Also if he was really into you I can't see how he could hold back on wanting sex.

As far as precum grossing him out -- my guy and I have heard guys say that. When we do we just keep our mouths shut and don't argue with them about it. There are some guys who bitch about getting their hair messed up during sex. For us it's not good sex unless our weenies drool all over each other and our hair gets totally messed up, pulled and sweaty.

I'm just guessing but I think you're going to have a long hard time getting this guy comfortable with being comfortable with sex. You and he might put your heads together and come up with the rationalization that your relationship isn't all about sex and is somehow superior to relationship where people do have sex regularly.

Part of your situation has come up in here with other guys. Since both of you are 25 year old virgins who've no doubt become masturbation experts, that type thinking is the same as two blind men refusing to eat vegetables because they're too colorful. In other words -- you have no idea what sex ( or vegetables ) can be like for you until you indulge in them.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I agree with Borg and Verge about the performance anxiety and issues with repression. It could very well benefit one or -both- of you to seek counseling (either him going by himself, or you two doing it as a couple, yeah?) It could definitely help.

That aside.... the precum grossing him out? I'm not sure how normal or abnormal it is? But I have a squick factor when it comes to slimy, stringy substances. And I'm sorry but precum (as well as cum) does have a stringy yech texture to it that's a bit like snot, yeah?

If this is a problem for him, maybe try fooling around in the shower, bathtub, hot tub, swimming pool, etc. Somewhere that alleviates the issue. Then you can slowly start working your way to non-water-based sexual fun, yeah? Especially when I used to screw women, this worked very well for me. (Girl goo is the worst for squick factor, yeah?)

[etihw05]

While i agree that counselling is probably a good idea. I feel it will be a bit before that is an option i present.

Darius: He has a very anxious personality when it comes to anything new. Meeting my friends, sleeping in my bed for the first time, sleeping in his bed for the first time. Once it happens he's good a lot anxiety first. So i feel that our sex life will be a similar battle.

We have done some masturbation with each other and continue to progress in very small amounts.

Thanks again all!