I just want to die

[himself]

I dreaded confessions. I just made up things because I had nothing to say - I had never sinned before. I suppose I could have just confessed to the sin of being a holier-than-thou bastard.

[MikeW]

Being a real live human being is a rather rare opportunity in the universe, as opposed to, say, being an amoeba, earth worm, fruit fly, frog, rabbit or elephant. That's mostly because we have a range of freedoms -- options of experience -- that they don't. (Not to say there might not be other entities who have greater rangers of freedom than we do, but about that I wouldn't know.) It is true, we humans can make our own lives -- not to mention the lives of other humans, plants and animals around us -- a living hell. But, also true, we can give great pleasure and experience all kinds of things, from grief to insight and, indeed, an ecstasy that connects us with the whole of life and consciousness.

Meanwhile you lament living. Well, that IS one of the freedoms you have. I'm of the opinion that one CAN NOT *not be*. That is to say, everything we experience becomes a permanent fixture in the cosmos -- once existing, it cannot NOT exist. True, it may, to us, be "in the past" -- but "past" simply means it isn't our experience NOW, although it *was* our experience when *that* now was *now*. And all now's being forever eternal, that now continues to "be".

So… I duno what the problem is. You don't smell the roses? You don't like puppy dogs? You don't like sunsets? People are mean to you? You don't have the economic opportunities some humans have? You don't have enough to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over your head? What? What's the problem?

Glum just really isn't very much fun and I'm of the opinion that we all should (among many other things) have all the fun we can stand.

[Hardheaded1]

I'm not sure what is being confessed.

What sin is depression or even cynicism?

And, is a confession that is anonymous a confession? "King Midas has donkey ears!"

I'm glad the OP is not suicidal. That's important.

[Pyromancer]

I feel like you must have been hurt really badly at some point to have constructed these multi-layered defensive walls. And the fact the you've posted about it makes me feel like there has to be the tiniest pinhole somewhere in all that armor. And that on some level, you want someone to find that pinhole, enlarge it and drag you through it.

Sorry...I have what I'm told is a really annoying habit of saying what I'm thinking. I've been told I need a filter between my brain and my mouth.

But no matter what, at this point the ball's in your court...

[Rareboy]

I'm not sure what is being confessed.

What sin is depression or even cynicism?

And, is a confession that is anonymous a confession? "King Midas has donkey ears!"

I'm glad the OP is not suicidal. That's important.

True dat.

This isn't a confession. Only an admission.

But because the OP has felt it to be a confession...it would seem to demonstrate a metaphysical yearning and lack of commitment to ennui.

There may be hope yet.

[deepu69]

So often, we all feel depressed and dejected with life. But spare a moment to think about what someone else, a total stranger if you like, could gain from you. Even a smile or an act of kindness can make so much of a difference...

[East]

I wonder sometimes...maybe the OP can answer...when you are in this space...is it better if someone just listens to you or is it better if they start telling you positive things and trying to fix you?

I honestly don't know.

One of the most difficult threads ever here for me kinda changed my mind a little when I started thinking about what Slip had said...

https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=17...al+project

What changed for me...I think sometimes people just don't want to listen and maybe that is all someone needs......

I am not convinced entirely though...It might even be different for different people....I am wondering now what the OP thinks...